Now it's been over a month since our youngest (15 years old) has heard from him.
By "out of touch," I mean no calls, no texts, no emails. Nothing.
There's no point in my saying anything to my ex because it would likely make him do the opposite of what I would want him to do (stay in contact with his children). But he is not stupid. He must know how damaging it is for any child to have his father literally ignore his existence.
Why would he do this? The children act as if they don't care, but I know it must hurt them that he is no longer interested enough to stay in touch with them.
What could he possibly be thinking?
[This message edited by josie11 at 3:21 PM, August 19th (Monday)]
My kids also act like it is not a big deal, but I also know it hurts them to be thrown to the curb like yesterday's trash by your father, whom they respected and looked up to ( ). But he has a history of walking away from unpleasant situations, so this is not a surprise. Sad, but not a surprise.
Just continue to be the best mother you can be. There IS no point in talking to your ex about it because it will only fall on deaf ears. When he is old and alone because he drove his children away, he might finally regret it, but not until then.
It is always tough to watch a train wreck, but hang in there for your kids and be their rock!
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 3:36 PM, August 19th (Monday)]
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
He must know how damaging it is for any child to have his father literally ignore his existence.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
"Some of us don't see people how they are but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
Maybe. Or maybe he's too focused on himself to see that he is impacting them.
Just in case this is what's happening, I'm thinking of sending him a very short text saying the children miss him.
My STBX is trying to be involved with the kids, but it's all for child support purposes and to look like hes such an awesome caring dad to OW. When there was no CS in place and he was dating the 21-year-old twink, he barely ever asked for them for over 5 months.
It's sad to say, but if he's just going to show them attention because you asked him to or just do it for show, well that seems like it would do more harm than good. You cant make him less self-centered. To really mean something to the children, it should be a genuine effort on his part.. I think being manipulated and guilted by him is worse than being abandoned by him..
Just my 2 cents..
Hugs to you and the kids..
After Dday my (now)X didn't contact DD27 for 30 days. I did say something to him - and the result was that she was upset with me... She directly asked me if I'd said something and I didn't lie to her.
She was letting his actions speak for him... So when he called, and left a
vm: "Hi it's your Dad, just wanted to talk, I'm so lonely and have no one to talk to... miss you."
So yeah, he was totally focused on himself and his need for her sympathy given the circumstances - didn't do much to repair anything. They haven't talked in 5 years.
Sad. But if the kids realize that you said anything - his call will be meaningless to them... and if you think about it - the fact that you have to say something - kind of does make it meaningless.
My 2 cents
Hopefully, my ex will wake up sooner than later and realize what great young people our teenagers are. Where there's life, there's hope.
In the meantime, I'll try to provide double the support and encouragement to my kids.