I don't have that option and still desperately wish I did.
My husband refuses. So not only did he rip my heart out with an affair, he walked all over it by saying NO, I want a divorce and we will not reconcile.
And it sucks. We were married 11 years, 3 kids. I've been a stay at home mom the whole time. So now my world has been flipped upside down, I'm single parenting, thinking of a job and suddenly without the man I've loved for 16 years, and he's off with his frizzy headed younger woman with bad eyeliner.
Cry me a river, you've all been there.
He's very much a cake eater and still makes comments just about every time we talk about being "confused" or not "knowing what he wants".
It used to give me false hope. Now it just pisses me off. This is not a buffet! This is his family! How could you not want it?!
Obviously he knows what he wants. He has moved out, filed for a divorce and has a girlfriend.
Want it or not...he's getting a destroyed family, a crappy relationship with his kids, a lifetime of regrets and a stupid ho bag that's going to dump him in a few months.
Ugh. A little anger.
Help me through this. I want to look forward to my future, be happy I'm rid of him. Not feel like she won. Because let's face it...a man that cheats on his wife and leaves his family is hardly a prize. She can have him.
I just need to convince myself of that.
Any guy that says they don't know what they want is not worth the effort. He is no prize and she didn't win, she actually lost. She gets the broken man and you will get on with your life without him.
R is hard and almost impossible without a spouse that truely wants it. Be glad that he left and didn't try false R, like so many on the reconciliation forum actually get. I am all for reconciliation, but if the WS is not wanting it and 100% in, they are just wasting more of your time and hurting you more than you already have.
D is hard, but in the end you will see it was for the best. Just hang in there and post alot. You deserve someone that loves you and will love your children. (((HUGS)))
You can pull up a chair next to me. None of us wanted to be here, but since this is our reality we're helping each other through this. I used to feel so resentful & jealous of the others at SI who had remorseful WS's. I never saw that. I wanted to, but it didn't happen for me. I'd read in the R forum and realize that none of what those folks were talking about was happening for me. Sad times...
So, your WS filed? Have you been served? Do you have a lawyer? Do you know your rights in a divorce in your state? Do you have friends and family in your area who can be a support system for you while you figure out what you're going to do?
NatureGirl has asked some really important questions. Start doing your homework to protect yourself legally. Channel that anger positively to your advantage. It will serve you well in the coming months.
All these fucktwits get destroyed families and crappy relationships with their kids, but they are so self-absorbed they don't understand or care.
Hang in there!
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
I kicked him out when I found out and the next day he moved in with her, didnt find this out for sure until a year later, I knew he was living with her but didnt think it was the day after dday
Listening to the I love you, i want to be with you, wish this didnt happen, trying to find a way out, gotta start the end of it with Ow,
hang in there
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:30 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
And I call BS. His actions definitely say otherwise.
But I'd be lying if I didn't say it gives me a little hope. :(
[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:28 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Don't let him do it. Cut him off next time he makes a stupid cake eater comment. Kids and finances only or else he will continue to jerk you around and play with your fragile emotions.
Your heart just hasn't caught up with your head yet. That's perfectly normal and part of this crappy process. Keep pushing forward, stick to NC, see a lawyer and set small goals to make steps toward a job and financial independence. You will get there. Things will never be the same, that's true and sometimes very hard to accept. Once you find acceptance and see him for what he really is, you will be glad he didn't try to R.
My exWH was mostly the same. Three years later, I'm still recovering. I'm so thankful for my children and my family and friends. I have a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes, I get stuck in a rut or I start the negative self talk or I get lonely and scared for what lies ahead. But, I can promise you this - no matter how I feel and what sad thoughs run through my head, I would never want him back and I wouldn't trade places with him in a million years. He's with OW and the little fantasy that they thought they created looks like a giant nightmare to me.
Hang in there. It will get better.
Have you tried journaling?