Another thought is a book of compiled stories of couples who have successfully reconciled.
I edit, therefore I am.
Not sure if there is a book written about this but I would read one that centers on how the A effects the family 10+ years post A.
* How the couple, assuming they're still M'd and R'd, has accepted their "new normal" all those years later.
* How the children have progressed into adulthood, what their thoughts are now on what they witnessed back then, are they still bitter, what is their relationships like with their parents, etc.
* Did the BS or the WS regret staying in the M?
* How did their lives change?
I would read a book about that...
Even our MC forgets sometimes that what we are dealing with is different. She has sometimes mentioned that I need to move on and realize that I wasn't a factor in the A. That in most cases the AP doesn't even consider the BS. But then she steps back and realizes that in my case that might not be true. With a double betrayal there is a good chance that the OW is thinking of the BS and there may be more involved psychologically than the fantasy of the affair.
A book addressing the possible motivations of a double betrayer would maybe make easier for someone who has been betrayed to understand.
My entire situation is more common than people realize(cruise through your local CL,casual encounters,MFM section..many,many,many married men are looking to hook up with other men), but for some reason,no one understands how to handle it..without saying the WH has to be gay..or without saying their BW is a blind fool.
I love my husband..and he loves me. We are trying our best to get through this shit. It would be nice if there were some really GOOD,helpful books that could help me through it.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I'd also like to see a book to STOP people from cheating. Maybe this would be titled, "I love you but I'm not in love with you: Early warning signs you are about to act like a giant doosh." And we would pass a law in every state that people had to read it in high school. lol
I'd also like to see a book to STOP people from cheating. Maybe this would be titled, "I love you but I'm not in love with you: Early warning signs you are about to act like a giant doosh."
I was thinking exactly this. Although I hadn't come up with a clever, LOL-worthy title yet.
I want to see a book with the same title as the Carrie Underwood song: "Before He Cheats." Or she. A book that people can read before they do something incredibly stupid and life-altering.
Chapter 1: DON'T FUCKING CHEAT ASSHOLE!!
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
I also like the ideas of memoirs from the fog.
And I also like reading about real examples of couples who have endured adultery...and see where they are at 5, 10, 15 years down the road.
Bionicgal...I like the deeper meaning books too, as well as those with concrete steps and examples on how to navigate this minefield of destruction.
God be with you.
What book needs to be written about infidelity?
Things don't have to be "complete shit" before you part ways, gracefully.
If you stay when you need to go, ambivalence and limbo is deadly to you soul. Self-doubts are crippling. Never doubt yourself.
On a more positive note, I think we could all use positive-role- model stories of couples who made it, and how it changed their marriage/family.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:38 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
The book is not about infidelity, but it still might be a useful one to add to the library of healing books.
I agree with others here, I would love to read something from a WS perspective from the fog.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
[This message edited by carnelian at 12:26 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
It would include chapters about boundaries in our social circles, respecting your friends commitments to one another, and maintaining professionalism in the workplace.
Another chapter would deal with the resulting double betrayals of having an affair with a friend, family member, coworker, neighbor, etc.
Another chapter dealing with said people who know that the affair is going on and how to be truthful and authentic and friends of the marriage/relationship.
"I love you but I'm not in love with you: Early warning signs you are about to act like a giant doosh."
And my favorite: "I didn't love you enough".
Hopefully, we will be THAT couple, the one who survives. So far, so good, 3 years, 1 day after DD, (but it still sucks!)
[This message edited by fourever at 12:48 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson
Also, I've read the 12 step book and have struggled with alcohol. It would be nice to see a book formatted based on the 12 step book and discussing basic trends and including different true stories form waverly and betrayed spouses.
Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.