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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What book needs to be written about infidelity?
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so impressed with these ideas. So many smart and thoughtful people here.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
livvylou
♀ Member
Member # 26697
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A book I read recently about a reconciled couple is Beyond Ordinary by Justin & Trisha Davis. They are a Christian couple (he is a pastor) that struggled with infidelity, have reconciled, have 3 boys, & want to help others.
It was an interesting read for me, as it is the most similar to my life.


BS Me WS Him
R & doing well♥ (Dday 7/09 R 8/09)
The only thing more impossible than staying is leaving.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Dec 2009
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Letters From the Fog would be good, but I think it' s a big section in the mythical Wayward' s Handbook. If I ever find a copy of the WH, I'll personally finance the reprint.

Every BS and WS could benefit but the folks who really need to read it probably won't. That would be everybody tempted to go off the rails, get married, or get out of bed in the morning.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 11:47 AM, August 24th (Saturday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
yousaid4ever
♀ Member
Member # 32626
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still-Living; I like your idea about the 12 Step book. I CHOSE to deal with my WH several affairs by denial, over-eating, pain pills and alcohol. I'm in recovery now, for myself, but wonder if I would have had these addictions if I had not had to try and cope with WH affairs. A book about how other BS coped would be an interesting read,


I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?......Pink

BS(me)55...STBXWH 55
Married 37 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-10/75; 10/80; 09/92; 12/09; 12/10; 03/11...more?


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Utah
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would write a book called, "Choice and Consequences" for those considering cheating on their spouses. It would be a preventative book that would highlight real-life consequences faced by WSs (and of course their BSs), and urge potential WSs to go into counseling BEFORE the A!!!

Or we could name it the much less subtle, "Don't F-ing Cheat, Dumbass!"


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely like the "before you cheat" book, but it would have to be titled and marketed very creatively.
Obviously there's a huge segment of people who think they would never cheat and therefore wouldn't pick up the book in the first place.
Maybe a title like "Something just isn't right."
Or " A short guide to fooling yourself"
Maybe " Before you regret it"
Or " What you're not telling your spouse."
Or even title it with phrases that Ws's use when they're starting to go into the fog.
"I deserve to be happy too."
"You don't make me happy, but they will."
"I would never do that to you"
"Don't you trust me?"
"We're just friends"
"No one has made me feel this way before."
"It must be love."
"I can't help myself."
It would be difficult to market to that niche who is right on the edge, because they are already starting to rationalize the thought of having a relationship outside the marriage. They may not see what they are thinking will cause all these consequences.
One thing my WS has said over and over again is that he didn't think about the consequences of what he was doing. He was high on that feeling and just felt like things would work out and take care of themselves.
Obviously a pre-Affair book would have to be strongly worded yet smooth, and also have plenty of very specific examples and personal stories of people and how they've been affected by infidelity.
It could be very interesting.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Steppenwolf
♂ Member
Member # 38140
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sci-Fi
Anyone who is unfaithful turns into a zombie and eventually dies... Unless

They go to IC, MC, get 180'd, spend countless hours of their days reading an online forum for those affected by infidelity, work on their whys, write their timelines, become emotionally available, avoid any TT etc.
Only after all of this, and continuous work might they have a chance of becoming a non-zombie again. Possibly even a better, more authentic human.


Me: WS- 30s
Her: BS- 30s RockyMtn



Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh! I just thought of another pre-cheating title:

"Not Worth It!"


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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