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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: is it wrong? (tmi warning)
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it wrong that I don't want a relationship or an emotional connection, just a regular sexual friend? I have all the emotional support and connection I need through my family and friends. I just crave someone for regular sexs. I know society frowns on it, but I'm at an age I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. The issue is I don't want it with a stranger, but with someone I'm familiar with.

Feel free to let the 2x4's fly or whatever your thoughts are. I can take it like a grown up.

I've been single officially for over a year. My most recent d-day was almost two years ago. I feel healthy and very happy in my life, I just want regular sex with someone I'm comfortable with. Fwb if yoy will. Is that wrong?


Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have engaged in something similar although we date as well - - movies, dinners, vacations. As for sex, I consider it like exercise and taking vitamins. It is part of a healthy lifestyle, gets the heart pumping and endorphins flowing. I figure it is like other recreational activities - - just because I am not a serious tennis player doesn't mean I shouldn't play at all. Likewise, just because I am not in a serious relationship doesn't mean I should not have recreational sex. And I have met more than a few women that feel the same way. Enjoy.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your feedback. I really agree it is like exercise and vitamins for me right now. I guess I just wanted to know I wasn't the only one who felt this way.

I am genuinely happy with my life and really don't want the drama or to have to put in effort towards a relationship. My life is quite full and that is the only thing missing for me.lol....


Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a FWB before I was ready for a real relationship. I see nothing wrong with it if you are capable of keeping your expectations on the same page, and are up front with one another about what your boundaries are (or aren't).


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13733 | Registered: Jul 2011
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah.....

I can't do casual sex. There's got to be an emotional connection for me.

I've got BoB.

Plus having gone through one episode of HPV I really don't want to go through any more nor catch anything more serious.

JMHO.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6534 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think it's wrong.

Its not for me because I know myself well enough to know that sex automatically creates some sort of connection for me. I would see a fwb as a risk to my emotional health because I would likely get more attached than him.

But, if you are the kind of person who can detach and think of sex as just sex, and the fwb is on the same page at all times, then there shouldn't be an issue. If I was going to do it, I too would want it to be with a friend rather than some random dude or dudes.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2789 | Registered: Jan 2011
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both for your feedback. I understand some people can't have sex without an emotional connection.

I have a B.O.B too. But it isn't the same as a real live person. I mean I can enjoy B.O.B just not the same release for me as the real thing.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was younger I had a FB. It worked great for both of us, and when I was ready to move on I did and we were both fine with that.

Yeah, I don't hold too much truck with society and what they believe. I say live you life, do what makes you happy and use condoms..lol.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. I've had one. The best part for me was that he was very upfront with the fact that he was unable/unwilling to commit. It took emotions off the table for me.

He's a great guy. We're very good friends.

The interaction with him was good for me, because he helped me make sense of so many things in my life. He also helped me learn how to express myself without feeling selfish.

If you get into that kind of sitch, don't expect him to fall in love with you - just accept it for what it is.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7638 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in this situation now, and I like it - for the most part. Single over two years, and we hang out maybe once a week or once every two weeks - for almost a year now.

Sometimes I do miss cuddling and sleeping with someone holding me... but I have pretty much everything I need and am happy with my current situation.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with K9forever on this one. I couldn't multi-date either, since I am not a fan of multiple romantic (or potential romantic) entanglements at the same time.

However, you have to be true to yourself. If it isnt a problem for YOU, then have at it (literally and figuratively ). As long as you and your partner are on the same page, it's your life.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your replies. I had a couple of guy friends offer me this after my marriage ended, but I wasn't ready for anything that had to deal with controlling my emotions. I've been thinking lately of seeing if the offer was still on the table and gettinf a fwb going.

I'm glad to read that it is more common than I thought.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never understood the FWB appeal until I hit this phase. The first 1 1/2 years I didn't even want to talk to a man. Then for a year I felt like you do


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think to each his own. If it works for you, and the person you are with...go for it.

I found I can't do it, I become emotionally attached.

The last time I had a FWB's was college, and we dated first...then turned to FWB's when we were both bored/not attached. Dunno why we never really worked, and looking back, the sex was bad. Young and dumb, I guess.

Now, I'm simply not capable.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Bloomsday
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to be clear, I do think one can have an emotional relationship with the people they date and yet not want to be exclusive or married to them. I don't want to denigrate this by comparing it to other emotional relationships, but if you think of close friends, or pets, or special places that you consider almost sacred, those come close. I don't have to have any of those things exclusively or "under contract", and I know I may lose them or they may perish, but I can cherish them just the same.

[This message edited by Bloomsday at 7:39 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been in a FWB relationship for 9 months. We were just friends for over a year before the physical relationship began.

The guidelines were set before the first kiss. If one of us wants to per sue another partner, we stop. If one of us feels uncomfortable, we stop. We have had a month where it was not working (for him) and we stopped. We were able to continue our friendship without having the benefit part. We saw each other on a regular basis and it was not uncomfortable in the least. I missed the sex but the friendship is really most important to me.

I really care about him and I believe he feels the same way.

But a long term committed relationship? We would never last! I am not ready for that nor is he.

It is not ok for everyone or in every situation. Sometimes it is really wonderful.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1630 | Registered: Mar 2004
Topic Posts: 16

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