Progress. At least I hope so.
This is something I found online - for other BS's, does this resonate with you? (Hope it is ok I quoted another source, I am new here).
"Infidelity is more than betrayal....it is traumatic! Infidelity feels like a malicious ambush targeted toward you, the unaware recipient. As your spouse plots, plans and hides behind lies, waiting for the moment to pounce. The moment they can release all their fury upon your heart. It feels designed to willfully inflict a mass amount of pain - an undercover operation to steel your dignity, pride, and dreams. It's as if your spouse is waiting for just the right moment to set the bomb off. It's an ambushing, robbing and murdering of your soul. The moment you realize you are under attack, it's to late to do anything. The fireball of hurt has already ripped through your heart. Compounding the hurt is an attitude of, "it just happened." "No," you say, "it didn't just happen. Car accidents just happen, broken bones just happen, infidelity is a calculated set of lies and choices - a covert operation, planed, controlled, directed and orchestrated by you!" Infidelity feels like intense hate that is intentionally meant to agonizingly carve the love right out of your heart. A sadistic and vengeful way to say, "I despise you like no other person on earth." It is the combination of evil and hate that rips at your heart spitting a venom of condemnation, from someone who feels like the devil, only this time the devil is wearing your spouses face. From an enemy you may expect such ruthlessness, but not from your spouse. It is the ultimate rejection of your very being from the person who knows you the most. It is horror that terrorizes every moment of your life as it kills your dreams of what your life is, was and will be. The shock of the assault feels no different than if your spouse plunged a knife deep into your heart, while you let out a bloodcurdling scream of destruction to your self-esteem and safety. It is mocking of your love, a statement of reprisal. The confusion so overwhelming and dismaying - How could this person who claimed to love you, dispose of your affections so ruthlessly, tearing them from your heart one vicious and bloody slash after another. Once the extraction is complete, leering at your anguish, as if now, you understand their disgust for you, and sneering with achievement as you accept their hatred. No respect is given to the gift of commitment upheld by you. It is implied as burdensome and irritating. Infidelity is torture of the heart, callous, calculated and cruel. It feels like acid eating through the depths of your soul, burning away the innocence of hope. In it's place the scars of cynicism wrap themselves around the belief in truth and justice. The phantom pains of love give rise to an inferno of rage, reopening the wounds of injustice. As the pain from the mutilation of your innocence assault every moral value, you judge yourself in blame. Infidelity says, my toleration of your inadequacy has reached an end. Yet these things are immeasurable to those who haven't experienced the pain. Only those who have experienced infidelity have a perceptible point of reference."
Read more at: http://www.healingafteraffairs-bloomington.info/infidelity/trauma-of-infidelity.html
Copyright © www.healingafteraffiars-bloomington.info
She replied, "so it's ok to destroy MY life?"
Regarding metaphores to describe the pain of infidelity:
When my H asked me for a D (because he had a secret OW he was planning to M that I didn't know about till later) I saw myself as having been cut in half, top to bottom. My H threw his half in a hole in the ground, and my half was left standing on one leg, unable to move, bleeding to death.
I worried about a lawsuit, but she had to go. I would not offer a severance either. Why should you pay her to leave?
This is a consequence of his actions. She needs to be gone now. Not next week. Now. Gone. Done.
Draw your line in the sand, and stick to it.
Because she had been an employee for many years and we were supposedly "friends" and also because I tend to be somewhat sentimental, I had saved many cards and notes from her to both myself and my H telling us how much she loved and appreciated the friendship we shared. If there had been a lawsuit, I felt these would serve as evidence that she was in no way a victim but in fact a very willing participant. I would suggest that if you have any kind of similar "evidence" that you store them away for your protection. Also, although none of the other staff ever gave me the slightest hint during their A that they were involved, after it was discovered, they all came to me with stories that proved that she was an eager and willing participant in their sordid A.
I don't know if you have other staff that can share information with you about what they know but if you do, their perspectives could be very valuable if she does decide to file a suit.
Please don't hesitate to PM me if you have other questions. I wish you the best of luck with this heartbreaking situation. I will say for myself that once I learned what this woman was capable of, I never once tried to contact her. I told my H to let her know that she was never to attempt any contact. It has been almost 8 years and I am happy to report that not once did I have the misfortune to see her nasty face again.
[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 11:50 PM, August 26th (Monday)]
The good news (and I am sharing this for newly found out BS's) I am much stronger today than I was 3 months ago on D day. Through prayer, IC, reading books, articles, and SI, I have come a long way from the completely devastated, crushed beyond belief person I was. I know for sure I will be fine no matter what happens. My husband's adultery will not define me or dictate my future. I choose to be a positive, happy and productive person. HIs behavior is his to own. I pray for reconciliation but realize I cannot control his choices or behavior. But I can control mine! That is powerful.
If you just found out something horrible about your spouse, please know there is strength and healing for you. You WILL move past the pain to a better place. Prayers and hugs to all who are hurting BS.
Why, yes. Yes it is. Idiot.