Just keep trying to be her rock and give her unwavering support while she processes the emotional devastation. Encourage her to talk if she needs to so it doesn't get bottled up inside.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:10 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
My psychiatrist suggested how I should answer this if it ever presents itself (which one day he said it will). He said..."Son that's a good question and I knew one day you would ask me. I think that's a better question to directly ask your mom. Then come back and tell me what she told you and we can talk about it more."
He said this way the weight is on her shoulders to explain her actions. This still remains a consequence of her actions and she is responsible for them, not you. Infidelity does not go away after two years or five years, etc. It haunts a family and a child their whole lives. This way if he comes back with a wacky story from her or she doesn't come fully clean, you can then tell him EXACTLY what happened. He said in no way do you burden hiding it from him because if you do to try to protect him, it will only hurt him more down the road (like TT). Unfortunately it's going to be like Dday to him in a way too. I can't imagine finding out your mother isn't whom you thought she was. And that your Dad was in a horrible amount of pain and grief without her remorse. I couldn't imagine having to be in her shoes when she has to confess that to him.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
If I were you I would answer her questions honestly.
This^^^^^. My DD16 told me numerous times how much she appreciated my honesty in answering her questions and how upset she would have been had I hid information for the purpose of protecting her.
No matter what happens between parents, kids always blame themselves and I think that I carried a lot of the guilt and ownership of his cheating for a long time.
Talk to the counselor, assure her that his choices are his and nothing to do with her. SeanFLA is right... it does haunt a family forever, and as much as you want to make it better for her you can't... leave it up to him to explain his relationships or better yet use a counselor to help your daughter. It's too much to expect you to do everything here and based on my experience I would totally be very careful with what I told her.
[This message edited by why2008 at 11:07 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
After a couple of sessions with the kids therapist and his "I will do exactly what I want even if it goes against therapists advice AND causes pain to my kids" attitude. It opened the therapists eyes regarding telling the kids the truth WHEN they asked.
My kids know I will tell them the truth, even if it hurts me to do it. They've been lied to enough to last a lifetime .
Telling her the truth is not the same as telling her your dads a complete asshole. What happened in my situation, the truth + stbx's actions/words towards the kids = they want nothing to do with him.
They both have their own therapist and are dealing with it as best they can. It is so hard to see them angry and hurt which makes stbx the world's largest asshole but continue to love her, support her, let her vent, let her cry. You said "I want to save my kids from that pain...", so true