Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: sadmama33 (45336)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: what is the SI school of thought...
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

on initiating weekend plans? Is it up to the guy, always? Is the woman too needy/pushy if she initiates the asking?

Where is that fine line, dammit!!!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long have the two people in question been dating?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

loosely, a couple of weeks.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm clearly not a guy, and my dating skills are old and rusty, but I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25725 | Registered: Aug 2011
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for it!

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.

IMHO, if you are a planner and have something you want to do, and you invite a guy along, and that freaks him out, he's not the right guy for you.

ETA: That is to say, I think one should be themselves as much as they can, instead of doing what they think they are "supposed" to do, or what they think would make the best impression on the other person, while in the early stages of dating. I'd rather find a guy who accepts me for who I am than one who I can manage to impress enough by playing the game well enough to get him to stay, if that makes sense.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fine line is that neither person should have to do ALL the asking. Sometimes you will, sometimes he will. If only one person is, then that means either one person is actually uninterested or is incredibly passive, neither of which is attractive.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3120 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to what cayc just said.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How often do you talk? How much have you gone out in the last few weeks?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After "a couple of weeks", I woulndn't assume you had weekend plans unless it was mutually agreed upon.

Otherwise, what cayc said.

Personally, I think you're smart to raise the question mid-week so neither feels like "if nothing better pops up, I'll give you a call on Saturday afternoon."


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Actually it can do more than show interest. It can also give the message:
- You don't have to make any effort, I will do all the planning.

All the same, that doesn't mean you sit like a passive lump waiting to be asked out. You can express your interest by saying, 'There's a free concert in the park on Saturday and I think the band is really good.' If he doesn't respond or ask you out then make your own fun plans.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I asked him, and he has kid obligations. But he said that he liked that I asked.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Bombshell
♀ Member
Member # 36058
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had to chime in. I have been seeing a guy for about a month. Both of us looking for companionship. He's got kids still at home and he has to travel out of state...a lot. He made the first move and I have contacted him a couple of times about getting together as well. He let me know that he's had experiences where women have blown up his phone and got upset when he wasn't able to call them back. He didn't like it.
I have let him know I'm interested, but I don't feel like I put any pressure. As I see it, he's a grown man and he can speak for himself. I really let him set the pace initially, but as I said, I have initiated contact as well and invited him out a couple of times, so I feel like we are exploring how to communicate with each other. Its' a learning experience for us both. I'm learning to relax and just let it happen.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.