Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Forsook (43154)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wayward work?
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What would you consider "work" when you ask your WS to do the work necessary to reconcile?


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 184 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For us it was:

NC immediately
IC
MC
him going to SA meetings
answering my questions truthfully.
Timeline
Reading a few books
COMMUNICATING
Helping me heal by giving me comfort, talking when I needed to talk, giving empathy, allowing me to vent or cry or even be angry without getting defensive.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 1988 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luckily my wife was able to figure out most of this on her own, with a few cues from me. The work she did that helped me the most was:

NC, including working towards "mental NC"
Written timeline
Digging for the "Why", which included:
- IC
- Reading books, including highlights/annotations
- Exploring FOO issues
Listening to me
Practicing empathy toward me
Helping me reclaim dates/locations/acts of intimacy
Transparency with email/facebook/phone/etc.
Supporting me with my mental needs (SI, IC, ADs)

Hope this helps.


"The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth." - Leo Tolstoy

Posts: 4475 | Registered: Dec 2010
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS did the "common sense" stuff right away on his own (NC, counseling, addressing FOO issues) but did not read any books. Finally after a big fight I told him I was done asking and begging him to read and figure out how to help me, that he needed to desire to do that on his own.

I explained that if the doctor told him he had cancer *I* would read every book and research everything I could to find out how to help him feel better and get through it. I said this is not a whole lot different - maybe there is no cure but I want to see him want to help me no matter what it takes because he wants to.

He immediately started reading and hasn't stopped. It has started making a huge difference!!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.