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User Topic: How Do You Build A Foundation Of Trust With A Liar
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you don't have honesty - you have nothing.

My XWW became very comfortable with being a prolific liar. Lying was as easy as breathing. Swearing she would never do that.

She wanted to reconcile after I filed for divorce but their is no way I can live with having to know passwords, check emails, texts, voice mail, know where she is, who she's with, and just always wonder if its a lie or the truth.

I have one life. It is not how I am living it. Nor am I going to allow my children watch me accept her lies, deceit, and betrayal. She kept all that after I divorced her.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 355 | Registered: May 2012
Reyna13
♀ New Member
Member # 40178
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is also something I did at the beginning and though all passwords etc are out in the open it is not the life I want. Shit if I wanted to be a detective I would have become a cop.

So I understand where you are coming from. Sounds as if your children have a good honest dad.


Me-BS 45
Him-WS 45
Married 14 years
1st D-Day August 2009
TT for 4 year
More Affair info August 2013

The wound keeps getting broke open each time he tells me more "truths"


Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2013
Reyna13
♀ New Member
Member # 40178
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After another restless night. I had my coffee while reading other posts on here and wanted to throw out some thoughts. I want to make this clear I am not trying to give H an excuse for his A, but wondering about a few things.

I know he had a ONS on his first wife. H parents both had many A, their last and longest ones led to them getting a D and each married their AP and are still married today.

I always believed my H was a product of his mom's A. In his early years his grandparents took him weekends, holidays and all summer, because his parents acted as if they disliked him. At age 12 he was on his own. He answered to no one and came and went as he pleased.

At age 16 his mom actually involved him in her A by having him spy on her AP, at his wives home.

Eventually his parents separated and my H, his mom and brothers moved into an apartment with her AP. The only problem was that the AP lied to his wife and so every other weekend his girls come visit, H, mom and brothers had to move into a hotel to hide.

As you can see H was never taught boundaries, A's were common and everyone lied.

This seems no different than abuse that continues generation after generation. We have children, is this going to effect them to the point they will become cheaters?

Any thoughts?



Me-BS 45
Him-WS 45
Married 14 years
1st D-Day August 2009
TT for 4 year
More Affair info August 2013

The wound keeps getting broke open each time he tells me more "truths"


Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2013
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simple "You Don't"

He has to tell you everything. You have to process it. Then you decide if you will stay together.

You do not have to decide today or next week. You can sit on it as they say. Give yourself time. Work on you and make yourself happy.
Your answer will come I promise.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3184 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had this exact conversation with my WS not 5 minutes ago.
He brought something up on his own and said "I need to be honest with you about something." and told me that he'd said a few things to me because he knew it was what I wanted to hear.
It seriously pissed me off that he told me what I wanted to hear because we've had this conversation about honesty many times.
This is the first time he's come forward on his own and corrected himself.
Although it pissed me off, I am taking that as a good sign.

He has also been a habitual liar about "little things", but possibly about big things...how would I know?
I just told him this:

He has to tell you everything. You have to process it. Then you decide if you will stay together.

I told him I NEED him to be honest with me even if it upsets me because I have to have all the information before I decide if I want to stay in the marriage.
It's the very least I deserve after all of this and my dday wasn't that long ago.
I can't imagine learning something that crucial YEARS later.
I don't NEED to stay married to him. Financially it would be hard, but I would manage. I don't want to be 5 years down the road with some other crazy discovery when I could have been divorced and moving on.

I feel for you, and I will be bringing this issue up to my IC, who is also WS's IC.
No one should ever have to live with a liar. Ever.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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