Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Bunnyhops (44603)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: what if?
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also very grateful that I got to experience this second life of williesmom.

He had depression and multiple medical issues and addictions. He never could have been the person that I needed him to be. He never was the person that I needed him to be.

I needed a partner in this life - not a parasite.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7509 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Got2GO
♀ Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my ex was very sorry and remorseful. He was sorry he got caught! He would love to get back together unfortunately he can't stop utilizing prostitutes and he never will. He is in very poor health now. He's old, broke, and beat down. Probably contracted every STD out there. So no, no way would I want him back!


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Got2GO
♀ Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me to want him back now, he'd have to have had a full frontal lobotomy and a penal transplant seeing I would have no idea where that thing has been.
You go ajsmom!!

LMAO!!!!!

[This message edited by Got2GO at 7:29 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit... I'm also glad that he wasn't. I had no idea how unhappy I was in our marriage until I moved into my own house. The headaches, dizziness, tingling sensations in my face/back, lack of sleep/poor sleep... all disappeared.

I don't feel at all conflicted. It was apparently just what the doctor ordered!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3571 | Registered: Oct 2011
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. Honestly, if I'm really being truthful...if ex had dealt with everything correctly...I would have R'd and stayed. I have accomplished a ton in my NB, don't get me wrong, but not the life I wanted. I wanted the white picket fence, intact family, to pursue my art, be in the life that I created for myself the 17 years I was with ex.

I moved on because I had to, not because I wanted to. It is hard to explain.

Maybe my answer would be different if I had met a great guy...but I haven't.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4100 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first year I lived in complete shock that we weren't worth fighting for in his eyes. It was hard to accept.

Once I got past that and had some SI experience under my belt I realized how grateful I was for that.

AJ's mom statement could have been mine:

I really don't think he would have been able to do the work required. You and I share alcoholic X's, hexed, and as you know, fighting addiction is and of itself a losing battle.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4442 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
newnormal
♀ Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stbx was as remorseful as he was able, but he couldn't get past his personality flaws. So even though I the best R chance possible, I am so much happier living without a man. If I never date, this is better than waiting on a man to get his act together.


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its about the guilt I feel b/c I'm glad we couldn't R.

I am happy he sucked at R.

I just feel like I've some how betrayed my own ideals b/c I'm happy about it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8434 | Registered: Apr 2008
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hexed))

It's not always all about us. Sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and take what God has given you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7509 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its about the guilt I feel b/c I'm glad we couldn't R.

Let that go.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21039 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing what I know now? No, I would not have wanted to R.

I knew there would be no R anyway. He had burt me too much by dday for me to ever trust him again - and that was even without knowing about the A. He is a sick, sick person. I needed to extricate myself from him and now I have.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2582 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This, minus the post-nup:
Not only am I so happy that we didn't attempt to reconcile (he refused to sign a post-nup with favorable terms to me if he cheated again) but I am also happy that he cheated as I never would have divorced him otherwise, and I would have just existed, getting increasingly frustrated with myself and my life. I'm pretty sure I would have become an alcoholic to deal with the underlying stress of living with him.

I never realized how I was really just "existing" in the marriage. For a long time we were happy, but towards the end, it seems that I grew up and he didn't.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
259
♀ Member
Member # 22860
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did try to R. he didn't.

now I can look back and be pleased that he did everything he could to make me never want to be with him again

he did such disgusting things that I could move forward with a clear conscience.

I guess it would have been great to keep our family together, but I'm more than happy these days that he is not in my life. the only shame of it is that he had to be so terrible to me before I actually could let go.


Me = FBS
Him = gone


things that happen in my life do not define who I am. I get to choose to be the best I can be, for me. cause I'm worth it.


Posts: 286 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: my happy place (most of the time)
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way sometimes. I tried so hard when I thought XH could be remorseful and work things out with me. I never thought he would give up his family and life that we created together for another girl. It's strange to me that I'm happy now that things didn't work out. I realize now I was settling. I didn't deserve the way XH treated me. Our relationship was messed up and I can see that now. It took leaving, ending, and moving on from the relationship for me to see things in a different perspective.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4139 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Hell no, I don't feel regret moving forward.
It's not an easy ride but the marriage it's self was dying at the time of dday. His cheating is probably what was killing it. Hindsight.

I now don't have to take care of an older and very ill FT. He's 74 yrs old now so I would have been his nurse more than I was 6 yrs ago.
He gave me my freedom that has been a good thing.
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 8:35 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20341 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do wish he was remorseful and wanted to come back. I don't think it would have worked out. We probably would have divorced anyway. But the way things ended, with so many lose ends, has left me with a lot of "what if" feelings and a lack of closure. I probably spent the first two years in complete shock about what he did and who he really was.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Aug 2010
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No because I have since found out he has lied our whole entire relationship, it wasn't just the multiple affairs. He had a completely separate life I had no idea existed.

I just wished he would stop hurting his children, I am sick of picking up the pieces and trying to mend my children's hearts. I wish he would just go live his 'shiny new life' and leave me and the kids alone to live ours.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's possible we might have divorced anyway, that is if I'd have been able to muster up the courage. As it is I'm grateful every single day at this second chance in life. I'm not happy yet, I certainly don't have a New Beginning happening in any kind of a positive fashion. But the opportunity is there, I'm striving for it. The hope that I have for my & my children's future is only because STBX isn't around anymore.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That relationship should not have lasted more than 6m. I should never have married him. I should never have had children with him.

I've said before that his lack of remorse was the kindest thing he ever did to me.

Ironic that his A was an exit A... for me.

I don't question or feel guilt about how his lack of remorse feels like a gift. I'm too busy trying to work out why the fuck I waited for him to cheat before finally having the strength/courage to leave.

I stuck around waiting for him to meet the potential I saw in him. He never did. Not even close. Yet I still pretended.

Damn. I've always hated being wrong. Talk about biting my nose off to spite my face.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
traildad
♂ Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xWW sucked the life out of my daily, even before the A. But I stuck it out because I believe in marriage, and there were times things were really nice. After the A I wanted R because I believed in trying to save the M for the kids, but when she never showed remorse, I was almost relieved...I was free. I had done everything I could to save our M, and she still wanted out. I could move on and look forward free from her narcissism. Hope indeed.


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.