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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He didn't want to go with Daddy today...
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well... I didn't expect it to happen this soon, but J didn't want to go with Daddy today. I expect it has something to do with the fact that he hasn't seen Daddy in a month (last visitation weekend had to be canceled because my exFIL was in the hospital. I offered to let him make it up last weekend, but he was "too busy"). My father said that when he told J that his daddy was coming to get him, J said "I need to stay home. I don't want to go see daddy". This is heartbreaking. I had to talk to him on the phone and play it up like he was going to have a great time, and daddy was excited to see him, blah blah blah. It just makes me so damn sad to have to send my son EOW. I know that I have to, and I do it because I should. But it still makes me sad. I hope J doesn't continue to not want to see daddy.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lostmommy)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Tryingagain. Every time I think I'm off the crazy train, it stops at a new station.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. My kids have done this several times and it kills me every single time.

Just know that when they are little, there are lots of variables that can cause these visitation meltdowns. Doesn't make it any easier, but sometimes you know that they don't want to go because they are tired or in the middle of something and are annoyed at being interrupted. Sometimes they don't feel good and want mommy. Other times, they have what they believe is a legitimate reason for not wanting to go.

I would say that it would be best if your ex tried to have the same routines as you. Also, he needs to early on make sure that your DS sees his place as another home.

Unfortunately, many wayward exes don't think that far ahead or that much about their children. This is where my kids get hung up. They have a hard time with different house rules and differences in their comfort levels. Ive tried to point out that routines are important, but i cant control if he wants to employ them at his place. He now lives with OW so her rules are their rules. Unlike at my house, the kids there are not allowed to go into the fridge or root around the pantry for a snack. It's amazing - they are treated like visitors but exWH gets pissed if they don't consider his house their home.

Anyway, I know it's hard, but at this point you are doing everything you can. Just keep your eyes and ears open for signs of anything more serious in terms of reasons why he doesn't want to go. Luckily, I would say nine times out of ten, they come out of it and end up having an ok time.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2840 | Registered: Jan 2011
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, suckstobeme. Excellent points. I'm sure at the end of it, he'll be fine and have had a great time. That's what I'm hoping for anyway!


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lostmommy)))

Posts: 35873 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 6

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