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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sniff


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it just me, or do you guys also get a little (or alot) pissed watching videos like the "Fred" video?? Isn't that what we all wanted and sort of expected? To one day be able to look back over a lifetime together with fondness. Is that still possible for us? It seems MW has likely acheived it, but what are our chances?


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is that still possible for us?

I can't speak for us, but I can for me. Yes it is.

My W cheated. She is not the best person in the world. Neither am I. She is remorseful, has changed and is continuing to do so...I am also. I want us to evolve. Together.

People are not static. When they grow together it can still be special.

I had a friend tell me, who knew about the A, that in some ways he respects my M more now than before the A. I clarified with the despite the A stuff, but I got his meaning.

When tragedy happens to any of us and we overcome it we can become better. Pain and loss are the best to teachers in the universe we inhabit. If we really learn from them it's pretty cool.

Life is not perfect. M is not perfect. Two people can grow together at any point in that imperfection. It's about dedication, communication and desire to build something. It can happen with or without tragedy or betrayal.

It's possible for me. The only question that matters really, is it possible for you?

take care...



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, slater, shit like that pisses me off to no end-why did I have to marry a cheater?

Is that still possible for us?

It hasn't been possible for me.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems MW has likely acheived it, but what are our chances?

I don't know if I've achieved it or not, but most days I think so. Every day is a work in process.

I'm 100% with Wert, he saved me the trouble of writing what I was thinking.

A couple of more things:

My W (I no longer consider her my WW or even FWW except when I'm referring to her state at times in the past) is still too fond of saying, "This isn't what I signed up for." Well me either, but that's like saying "Life isn't what I signed up for."

So what are your chances? Equal to how bad you want it and what you're willing to put into it. From today until the day you die, no matter where you go, you're still here. Might as well make the best of it. For most, A leads to D. For others, it leads to R and maybe the wise ones look at our M later with increased respect. Some just think we're suckers. Fuck 'em.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the advice the dad gives his son in the book "Shit My Dad Says"...

"Picking a wife is sorta like picking lawn furniture. Pick out nice stuff that you like, but not so nice that someone passing by wants to steal it."


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Picking a wife is sorta like picking lawn furniture. Pick out nice stuff that you like, but not so nice that someone passing by wants to steal it."

but lawn furniture won't chase someone down the street like some WW's do.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for Fred, I have no idea what life was really like for him, probably had a lot of crap times too, what with getting married as a young man in 1940 and all. Global warfare on an industrial scale kinda puts a damper on pleasant home life I imagine.

I suppose one of the differences is that for earlier generations, they accepted that parts of life would suck, and would persevere through them to enjoy the better times. An attitude I am afraid got lost with Dr. Spock and such, or maybe the modern attention span isn't long enough to stay focused on what is important through the periods that do suck.

I am happy for him that he can look back on his life that way, but I don't envy him, he is also at a stage where he knows he can never have what he lost again.

I suppose I am strange, but I kinda identify with the philosophy that the saddest thing that can happen is to achieve all of your dreams.

As for Fred himself, he seems like a good guy to me. I`d buy him a beer if I could be sure it wouldn`t kill him.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watching the Fred video somehow coincided with an sudden outreak of hay fever. Seems like a damn good man to me. I am sure he has gone through his own set of trials. No marriage is a fairy tale, but I'm glad he was able to see the good in the 75 years he was with his wife. I'd be more than happy to buy that guy a beer!

I have to give myself credit, though. I was completely thrown off guard, because this is the Fred that I was expecting:


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for Fred himself, he seems like a good guy to me. I`d buy him a beer if I could be sure it wouldn`t kill him.

We all have to die from something. That's the way I want to go. Or maybe it's 4:13 p.m. on a Friday and I'm really craving a cold beer right now.

because this is the Fred that I was expecting.

Same here, Losfer! I could immediately tell that you had a kid in elementary school. They love that Fred for reasons that elude me.

It's time for someone to post a pic or two of something frosty and foamy.

Have a great weekend, my brothers.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. You called me out, Sal. Gotta nine year old in the house... thankfully he has gotten tired of Fred.

It's time for someone to post a pic or two of something frosty and foamy.

Now that just puts me in a hoppy mood!

I'm going to go bust one of these open right this second.

Have a great weekend, fellas!


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
joeboo
♂ Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People are not static. When they grow together it can still be special.
Sine d-day, I haven't allowed my opinion of my fww to be dynamic enough to consider that she might not be the person she used to be. Simple words, but a very complex underlying meaning. Thanks for the post.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Feb 2011
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys I'm back. Got myself some IC and on some meds to get myself some sleep. I have been lurking in the other forum a bit but packed my shit and moved on over here. I'm glad I found my way over here with the help of another member. With that being said I appreciate the kind words of encouragement and advice.

I've spent the day reading all 17 pages between work and what not. I'm glad this man club exist here. You guys are a riot and it makes me not feel so alone. I hate it that we're all here but we're here making the best of the situation. I'm going to post a pic on here if I can figure out how to do it.

I've gained a lot of wisdom from just reading stuff in here. I'm not sure if I want to reconcile or not right now. I'm just existing for the time being and letting my WW prove herself to me. I was tempted to have an revenge affair but quickly learned that is not who I am and I won't let this negative thing define who I am. I'm learning some coping skills right now and that's good enough for the time being. God bless all you guys.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 416 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you post pics in here? Can I email someone that knows how. Maybe I can send it to you and you post it up for me.


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 416 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have trouble with the pics too. Easy if you grab them off the 'net, not so easy if I took them myself.

Just finished off an Avery's Reverend, followed by a Samael's.

Samael's is barrel aged, 16.9% alcohol and awe inspiring. Tastes more like good whiskey than beer. Damn, those guys can brew.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhtred - Great to hear back from you on this thread, man. I'm glad you are here.

Here's a link to the FAQ that talks about putting stuff in bold/italic/quotes and posting pictures:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq.asp#FAQ1


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MoreWould - I'm a big fan of The Reverend. I'll buy a couple of bottles a year and age them. They are really smooth after about five years of storage in a cool, dark area. Haven't tried Samael yet. Is that another Avery beer?

My second beer of the evening is a Sam Adams Tasman Red. Very malty.


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some awesome beer conniesomethings in here! I've got a simple palate, Bud Light works. It's consistent if cold.

Uhtred, glad to hear you are progressing. Just remember it's a hell of coaster mate - start to feel like you got your shit together, the next thing you know you are angry or crying. Emotions will be all over the place for, oh, the next 15 months? About that. So if you want to reconcile, remember that. Good luck mate, and welcome to the Menz club...I wish neither of us were members.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[img[URL=http://s893.photobucket.com/user/withavengeance49/media/image_zpsf5ef1b0b.jpg.html][/URL]>
Few pages late on the foo thread but hey.
Also can't remember if I jacked this from a previous bm or face book but what ever

Eta think I got pics figured out

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 7:40 PM, August 30th (Friday)]


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 30th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heres my contribution to something foamy. Mentioned it awhile back, but headed to the mountain for some R&R and this has been my go to lately. Bet you can't guess where its brewed!

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 7:43 PM, August 30th (Friday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
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