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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This and 1/4 truths were enough to keep me completely in the dark.

I am a senior member of the Mushroom Menz.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good decision Slater, although I think avoiding the lunch altogether is the best way to go.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i told her. In fact I gave her veto power, I said if she was at all uncomfortable I would not go. She said go. She also said she was glad I mentioned it and then she mentioned the double standard. I didn't want to state the fact that I have no history of stupid shit like her.

So I am going. On my best behavior.I feel so much better about going now. Thanks guys!


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome job, slater. You did the right thing.

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slater-
Glad it went well. I really believe that one of the keys about surviving this whole horrific process is not to let it change who you fundamentally are....at least, not in any way that you don't want to, you know?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning Gents!!

SG,

I have to wait a good hour before my workouts. Especially deadlift days.

Your spaghetti blowout reminds of the scene in Band of Brothers when Capt. Sobel gives the guys a spaghetti lunch for their hard work. Then interupts them to run up Currahee mountain. Puking and red sauce galore. If any of you menz hasn't seen that mini-series your man card has been revoked until you do Then watch the companion series The Pacific. Still WWII but completely different set of circumstances for the Marines. Good Stuff!!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

interesting...

The ex is in healthcare too...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5894 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Menz - thanks for the good vibes sent my way for my court hearing yesterday. Things actually went pretty well for me! She is required to pay some more towards the bills which means less for me. Of course none of this was easy as she was vicious and full of venom when we had to have a conference before going into the hearing. She told me the normal things like I am going to rot in hell and directed a few fuck yous towards me and even some towards my lawyer. A real class act she is. Anyway wanted to say thanks for the support out here.


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RE: the medical profession...

this was my thread:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480437&HL=35016

of the repsonses, there were a couple that were very insightful, those that were the usual PC blah blah about stereotyping, and t one or two that raised an eyebrow with their own version of denial: (e.g. 'the man I work for would NEVER EVER have an A AND I would certainly know')--funny coming from a BW who was the last to know on her own husband's A...

Jack


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you PG

***ETA on things going pretty well, not the screaming obscenities and stuff, she sounds like a very personable and fun person to be around

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 11:39 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eh, I can't see the medical profession being any worse than any other profession. Cops fucking people in their squad cars, deployed troops fucking in foxholes, IT fucking in server rooms, service industry, hotel industry, retail, SAH parents. Hell, the only real common thread to this shit is people fucking people they shouldn't be fucking in places they shouldn't be fucking.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PG - Good for you. Small victory but a victory non the less. She sounds like a peach.

Slater - You made the correct choice telling your wife, although personally I think the right choice would be not to go at all if you are serious about R. I wouldn't want to set the expectations with a fWW that having lunch with the opposite sex is cool, because when the tables are turned she will remember this and try to play the *fair* card.

My STBXWW has calmed down a little bit. She now wears her wedding ring constantly as if it is a badge of honor. She won't talk to me without some hostility behind her tone but wants to *uphold* her status as my wife until I make the separation formal. I meet with my attorney in a couple of hours.

Initially she was threatening to try to get sole custody of our 4 year old stating that the records from my visit with the psychiatrist would prove that I'm unfit. She has backed down and is now open to discussing joint custody "if it's in the best interest of the child" which means she wants to get advice from her attorney before she commits to much.

I told her that it is up to her how we handle this. I will let her set the tone as either civil or hostile. I'm perfectly willing to match blow for blow if that is how she wants it. She has been used to me *being reasonable* but watch out if she tries to interfere with my ability to be with my son equal time.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 12:02 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah...I don't necessarily think that it's more or less rampant in any one profession....the gross part I think is that it is far, far more likely that it's just grossly, ridiculously rampant in society-at-large, and is occurring on a scale that people unaffected (or who believe that they're unaffected) by it would believe. Perhaps in certain professions it's considered more 'normal' or 'unacceptable' and therefore is more observable.

There might be an element of self-selection at play, as well. Similarly, most of the Bmenz on here are fairly literate dudes who wanted to destroy the WEASELS but didn't because we thought about the consequences beforehand, with a few exceptions. I mean, the dude who catches his wife cheating and beats the shit out of him, her, and anyone else within range probably doesn't end up on here, you know?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll keep your meeting with your attorney in my thoughts and prayers this afternoon, TC.

Good luck!


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mojo TC and prayers brother.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2083 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

me too TC, hope things go ok.

i haven't been too good keeping up with things, but i was under the impression that a few weeks ago things for R were looking up...sorry that you now have to take this step...


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck TC, her pulling the doc out on you like that was pretty fucking low.

wrt infidelity in society I agree that it's more of a spread out thing, but there always seems to be some lamentation about How Much Better It Was. I don't think it was any better. Most of the WW2 generation seems to have dealt with the same shit, just did it without awkward facebook posts or support forums to compare notes.

It's kind of like that "Imagine the world without religion" sign showing the towers still standing. It's just bullshit. Yeah, people have been killing each other over whether or not some god or another demanded everybody jack off BEFORE noon or AFTER noon every third day, for thousands of years, but it ain't about the religion, it's about the assholes fucking killing each other. If it wasn't that, it'd be some other fucking reason. It isn't the institution, its the participants, from the administrators down.

It's also a big problem because information gets distorted. Just ONE asshole can shit on everybodys spacetime ripple. It's like those stats about single moms. One person cherry picked that shit out of a huge study, and everyone else cites it, then cites the next guy and so on, and mingles in other cherry picked shit. The worst one is the one where X percentage of single moms raise criminals. Well the two studies most often cited, one was drawn from incarcerated criminals (heyoooooo) and the other was drawn from a good base for ongoing examination over decades. The thing nobody bothers to cite alongside it is that there weren't enough single dads to get *any fucking kind of data at all* and that homes with stepfathers were even worse than single mothers. Introducing a new father figure into the family unit significantly increases the % chance of being a horrible, nasty criminal per those studies. You don't hear that shit though because that information does not serve the purpose of the people promoting it.

So I am sure infidelity has been around for a long, long time, in numbers as bad as now if not worse. The morality legislation of Augustus in ancient Rome had some serious penalties for infidelity - but infidelity was only legally defined as fucking another Roman. It didn't count if you were drilling some slave or fucking a prostitute, or even a barbarian, which was pretty much anyone who wasn't a Roman.

What we have now isn't an increasing trend towards infidelity IMO, but an increasing trend to not accept it as a matter of course - and that after a watershed of World Fucking Wonder information exchange opened everyone up to the discussion around the globe. Now we compare notes about it, look over it, and still don't accept it as okay in most societies (I don't know which might, but I assume there's some kind of socially acceptable adultery out there, probably in the same societies where everyone goes armed and the murder rates are about ten million per capita inchworms madeupnumbershere()*; ) - and we get ramfucked with more distortion of information. Instead of places like SI being common, we have people blaming society, religion, lack of religion, each other, TV, video games, comics, horses (I just fucking hate horses), all sorts of shit. I think we need more of SI. It moves towards collaboration and understanding and resolution without raging angry conflicts that don't do much more than lead to televised arguing, finger pointing and various clubs congratulating each other for Looking Right In Front Of Everybody.

Wow. Sorry for the rant. I didn't eat anything yet.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How DARE you let all those facts, figures, and truths get in the way of perfectly good innuendo, assumptions, and urban legends?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG, I'd like to introduce you to the internet.

Internet? SG.

See? Now you're acquainted.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck TC and stay strong.
Sounds like your WW is playing a game of chicken with you, expecting you to back down.
Hopefully she'll see the light.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
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