My response was, "If it were just a one time thing that happened because of a temporary lapse of judgement, maybe. If it were a long term thing where I was made out to be a chump over several years, then definitely not."
Here I still am, almost three years later.
Lessons learned for me: hindsight is 20/20, and you never know what you are going to do in a situation until you've actually been put in that situation.
The reality is much more complex that what we imagined.
Hmmmmm, good thing I didn't take a bet.
Less than 4 years later she started a multi-month PA with a co-worker that only came out when his BW ratted them out to me. WW didn't want to end it, and didn't for a couple of months, then continued to work with him for a couple of years.
She was shocked when I not only didn't approve, but felt she had colored so far out of the lines of our "agreement" that I considered D.
It's an interesting perspective I've gained from this. No matter how much we think we understand other's lives, and what is the best course in any given circumstance, you really can't understand until you live it.
As the old adage goes, walk a mile in another's shoes.
In reality, you can't walk in someone else's shoes, you can only walk in your own shoes, down your own path. Sucks that our shoes are now shit-covered, and stink like a gopher crawled into one of the toe and died. Not to mention that the path has more pot holes than the 405 and is covered in monkey feces.
That cookie cutter response of cheat and I'm gone for some just doesn't fit. Before all this I thought it did.
[This message edited by DefiledRage at 6:04 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."
A few months back I was flipping through the movie channels and came across a movie that had Hank Williams' "Your Cheating Heart" playing. For the first time, I listened to the words. It was about how guilt-racked cheating would make the (female) subject of the song feel.
In my experience, nothing was further from the truth. From what I can tell, my wife felt absolutely no guilt at all during her affair. She can't recall feeling any, except on the way home after the first encounter. After that it was just a part of her weekly routine. The guilt didn't hit until after D Day.
It boggles the mind. If I live to be 100 I'll never understand what she was going through and how she justified her actions.
As in, being adult is a fantasy to them.
What's real - inside them - is a 13yo trapped in an adult's body.
Think about it.
Are not children selfish?
Is not an A the epitome of selfish?
Saying they felt like an adult, while acting as an irresponsible selfish teenager speaks to the terrible true disconnect within; the fantasy, twisted, internal dialogue that substitutes for authenticity.
It's like those funny as hell excuses children make for things when you just know.
It's only confusing because the lips that blab such nonsenses look adult, while the heart within is "arrested" in childhood.
They're "Contraries" I tell ya!
Ping-Pong, nunchucks, and matches...
I am sure that this isn't a big deal to you guys south of the 49th but they just started selling it here a couple weeks ago and I love it, my dad and his buddy would always go down to Montana hunting and he would always bring back a couple of flats, and of course being fourteen I would swipe a six pack or two every time lol
And finishing of the night with something new
Have a good weekend menz
[This message edited by Stillkicking at 8:51 PM, September 6th (Friday)]
I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.
I'm here. Fairly successful in R. Fortunately, she did almost everything right, though not right away. Could still be a dealbreaker. I'm very close to an "all-in all-out" decision.
It's going to be a completely different M. Whole new set of expectations.
It's funny, but I was convinced that the best way to keep infidelity out of my marriage was to not cheat on my wife.
Really Sal, how fucking naive could we have been? But, that was my plan, 100%.
From what I can tell, my wife felt absolutely no guilt at all during her affair.
At the time, it was "I'm just having a little fun. I'm not in love with him, so it's nothing." It took me thirty years to finally get her to admit (in a whisper), "I actually wasn't that proud of myself at that time."
IDK, maybe there's hope for you and yours too. Jeez!
[This message edited by MoreWould at 4:56 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]
Now listen, I'm no prude. I don't really judge what two people do behind closed doors, provided it's all consensual and no one is married to someone else....but c'mon...if I were having that conversation with two other guys and a female coworker objected and I proceeded to make fun of her for it, I'm having a serious conversation with HR the next day, you know? Sometimes it feels as though gender norms are enforced just as hard by the opposite sex as by our own.
Sometimes I just get annoyed that as a man, I'm expected to want to talk about sexual related stuff all day every day, and if I protest at all, I'm somehow less masculine.
Ahhh, double standards.
Second, yep, you guys were being little bitches. Right up until the time it would be advantageous for them to file the damsel in distress card. Then you'd magically transform into the big bad wolf.
Hate the double standard.
Sounds like you encountered some real classy ladies, FP. Crass is cool these days.
On another note, this morning was the first time I've ever woken up and felt indifferent to the <WEASEL>. The feeling didn't last long, but it WAS there for a few minutes. I guess that's progress? It's gone now, and I'm back to wishing nothing but plague and pestilence upon him. From what I hear though, his life is still super shitty, and his roommate is about to bounce out on him for non-payment of rent.
Peace be upon him.
[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 8:27 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]
A few months later, she met her new dad, I became better off although it would take me over half a year to realize it, and the rest was history.