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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The easiest women in the world to screw are married.

Anecdotal evidence from my survey concurs. So does the fucker that started Ashley Madison. He realized married women liked to fuck around, and there are tons of men looking to fuck them. Now he's a millionaire. There's probably 100 to 1 ratio of guys to girls on that site. If a woman is looking for sex for validation, to prove she is hot, or whatever, there are plenty of men lying in wait to use her and throw her away when it gets exposed. Married women are a great way to get all those notches on your belt.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took off the wedding ring on D-Day 1 - August 18, 1994 and haven't worn it since. Of course I'm a guitar player and don't like any jewelry on my hands, at least that's what I tell WW.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
HotSauce
♂ New Member
Member # 40309
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ring had an appropriate end. I took it off and left it in my car one day because I had a sore on my finger that I was trying to heal. My WW took my car to the store and found my ring in the coin tray. She put it on her thumb. On the way home she threw her gum out the window and off flew the ring. She cried the rest of the day. I however felt relieved. Kind of symbolic in a sense. I'm glad it is gone. If we make it I will get a new one.


Married 16 years
D-Day 2/8/13

Posts: 17 | Registered: Aug 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't wear mine anymore

Back in July 2012 my WW actually pawned hers. A beautiful set.
She had been addicted to prescription pain killers and was running up the credit card debt and spending from our checking account. I cut her off. Old and told her that since she had a job she was responsible for her bills and gas. I discovered she had a few secret credit card accounts she ran up.
I took care of everything else.
Wasn't enough. Can you believe that?
I eventually got the rings out of Pawn after Dday. I didn't want to.
she was all ate up and it's going to. E awhile before I'm comfortable wearing it.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW was always made sure I had mine on. If I took it off she noticed. Usually it was during my workouts. But if I didn't put it right back on I was reminded. I am an average looking guy with about as much game with the girls as a basement full of spiders. So I didn't get the hypervigilance on her part at the time. Now I understand why.

Few years ago on a vacation to the beach I lost my ring. Must have came off in the ocean or something but it was gone. That very day on vacation she went and got me a new ring. And of course hindsight being what it is she was in A mode during that time. Fitting she was so worried about me appearing available when she left hers on and made herself available. Showed me that when your partner is overly concerned with your intentions, theirs are less than admirable for the very thing your are being judged on.

At this point in my life I don't see marriage as a viable option for me anymore after this one is finished legally. And IF I do end up at the alter again (stomach twisting at the thought right now) rings won't mean shit to me. Outward symbols of commitment have lost their meaning.

Jaded? Ya, just slightly

[This message edited by RyeBread at 2:33 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anecdotal evidence from my survey concurs. So does the fucker that started Ashley Madison. He realized married women liked to fuck around

1. Married women are low hanging fruit
2. Married women are easy
3. Married women are good fucks. They will bang like porn stars to get their daily dose of faux validation that being said....
4. Many Married women are no strings attached sluts.
5. Any married woman looking for an A will fuck at that the first chance they get.
Yeah. Low life's get that. Any of us can write a book called WW's for dummies complete with classic statements like
Yeah, uh huh, if I was your H I would treat you like a princess.
Justin bieber- you have great taste in music
The notebook- awesome movie
Your hot
Nod, nod, nod
There you go your a POSER
Hard work

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oddly enough, fWW wears mine on her thumb.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am an average looking guy with about as much game with the girls as a basement full of spiders.

Haha, that's about how I'd describe myself. Except the spiders are probably easier company than I am.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The easiest women in the world to screw are married.

I can't count the times as a young single man that I could have used a M woman-never did, didn't want some pissed off H looking for me. And I was stupid enough to think mine was different.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any married woman looking for an A will fuck at the first chance they get.

No shit, Sherlock.

Single women, you have to wine and dine. Schmooze them for a while. When, to my shame and horror, I finally took my WW's advice and "had one of my own" it was with a married woman. I had no game, single women wouldn't give me the time of day. I had to take what I could get.

I was pissed that after years of being together it only took POSER about three days to get in my WW's pants, but truth be told, it didn't take me that long. About 36 hours from first expression of interest. I didn't even buy her a drink. She made me dinner. Zipless!

I know we shouldn't generalize, but some truths cannot be ignored. My W fucked another dude. Lots of them did. It wasn't hard for the POSERS. Not at all.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 4:08 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The easiest women in the world to screw are married.

This is true from my experience. When I was single and still in the service, I had at least three that I can recall offer themselves to me on a silver platter, no strings attached. I turned them down because I had more respect for their marriages and husbands than they did. One in particular was married to a hell of a good guy that I really liked. She didn't care about him, or our friendship. Or the fact that I would be violating the UCMJ and looking at Article 15 discipline, best case scenario. Poor bastard, I thought.

There is a whole class of POSERS who have got that figured out and make a hobby of taking advantage of it.

Yeah. My daughter got POSER'S number from my wife's cell and called him to demand that he stay away from her mommy. His response: "Which one? I chase lots of mommies." Getting a call from one of his conquest's kids didn't touch anything sensitive deep inside POSER. To the contrary, it was an opportunity to brag about the notches on his belt...to a kid. I only found out about this a couple of months into R, after quite a few MC/IC sessions. If I had found out the same day, I might be typing this from some prison library. Darwinists have a hard time explaining away POSERS.

I can't begin to list how many kinds of wrong that is, on all sides, but I've seen way to much of it not to believe.

We share the world with these people. It's scary.

BTW, this isn't a knock on any brothers who had a RA or who were one-time POSERs while in a post-DDay state of extreme grief and shock. I'm talking about guys who make this a lifestyle, a normal part of their routines. Guys like my wife's OM. Human debris, by choice.

Re: wedding rings. I took mine off for a week or so right after D Day. Can't say if any women took notice, I was a walking zombie. I lost my first wedding ring while still in law school during a pickup football game. It slipped off during a play and is still probably buried in the turf somewhere. We were barely making it a the time, so it took a few months to replace the ring. A couple of girls in my class took notice and asked about the ring. One that I remember had her eyelashes fluttering and a hand in her hair, so it wasn't idle curiosity. I think rings on the finger do deter single women, but not single men. It only encourages them.

So does the fucker that started Ashley Madison. He realized married women liked to fuck around, and there are tons of men looking to fuck them. Now he's a millionaire.

A millionaire without honor. Fuck him, I wouldn't trade places with him for all the money in the world.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darwinists have a hard time explaining away POSERS.

Classic! I share your sentiment about Noel Biderman is an ass, but he's laughing all the way to the bank. Here is an interesting tidbit that fits in with our discussion:
Biderman designed Ashley Madison to focus on married women, instead of married men.

Yeah, as I said, he figured out the same thing we did - and exploited it. Just another POSER. And get this, "In an interview with the "A Current Affair" program in Australia, he admitted that if he found out that his own wife was accessing his cheater's site, that "I would be devastated."". No honor. He's willing to facilitate another man going through devastation he wouldn't want to face himself. Fucking hypocrite.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal,

BTW, this isn't a knock on any brothers who had a RA or who were one-time POSERs while in a post-DDay state of extreme grief and shock.

No need to give me a free pass, and you can't hurt my feelings, I hurt them all by myself. I was temporarily insane, but I'm not even using that defense. I even had her H's tacit permission. Not using that one either. I fucked up.

OTOH, my WW's POSER admitted on his death bed that had made a lifelong hobby out of fucking married women. Claimed to have averaged one a month for 30 years. These creatures live among us.

Thank God for the karma cancer bus. Amen brothers.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 4:55 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darwinists have a hard time explaining away POSERS.

Not at all. Infidelity is not a biological process, sex is. It's like blaming McDonalds when you get fat. If your personal ethic wrt diet and exercise involves nothing but big macs and waddling between the desk and car for a trip to the drive-thru it's possibly a social phenomenon but generally a personal fail.

eta:

I still think Biderman should be in jail since he offers a service dedicated to defrauding federally observed contractual agreements.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 5:19 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fucked up.

Thanks MW, with that statement alone you separate yourself from the creatures we call POSERS around here. I doubt 99% of them are even capable of saying that.

Everyone, including the BM on this thread, are capable of messing up. Of making a really dumb choice somewhere down the line. I just wanted to make the distinction between someone who inflicts pain on others by taking advantage of vulnerable people as a lifestyle choice and someone who screws up royally during a certain period and learns from his or her mistakes. I put my wife in the latter category. There's nothing else in our long history together to suggest that using others and inflicting pain is part of her normal M.O.

I imagine my wife's OM would say something to me along the lines of "You fucked up." And hell, maybe I have in many ways. I've been a faithful husband, but other than that far from perfect and not a candidate for husband of the year. But that doesn't give anyone the right to violate the sanctity of my marriage.

But POSER venting aside, I'm reminded that there were only two people charged with keeping my marriage safe and exclusive. And it wasn't some dipshit middle-aged bar fly that I didn't know existed until February of this year.

Yesterday, DD15 was copping an attitude with the WW. Not that unusual for a 15 y.o., but we talked about it. She's hurt because "Mom didn't love me enough to stop seeing that guy even when she knew that I knew about him."

As painful as this experience has been for me, I wouldn't want to be in my wife's shoes. There's not enough validation and hot sex in the world that would make it worth all the grief that she has to deal with. Now that things have settled down a bit, most of the grief is internal. The worst kind by far. Must be a lonely feeling.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darwinists have a hard time explaining away POSERS.

Not at all. Infidelity is not a biological process, sex is.

I hear you SG, didn't mean that literally. Was just looking for a creative way to say that these guys are pretty stupid and shallow and don't reflect the best that humanity has to offer.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
1985
♂ Member
Member # 28171
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since Sal1995 invoked my name, also, I felt duty bound to say something. Then I read the first post from wincing on p 32 and thought What can I say after that gem?
But, here goes from my perspective.
Sal asks if we, as BHs, have a life sentence. 28 years from DDay my answer (which is applicable to me but maybe not to any of you) is: in some ways yes but in many ways no.
What are the ways in which we have a life sentence? I will never forget it happened. By now I know that will always be true. I will never forget the pain, anger, humiliation, terrible sense of loss, feelings of worthlessness and on and on. I won't forget that I had them although it is also true that for the most part they are gone and have been for a long time. It gets better as you heal and as your W helps you to heal (assuming she does).
There are still the lingering effects that will randomly pop up. How to describe? I guess there is still sometimes a sense of loss. Usually combined with what I can only describe as surreal moments. You know, as an example, -- you are getting ready for bed or getting dressed to go out to a nice dinner and you find both of you in the bathroom or clothes closet at the same time naked and you embrace and kiss and look into each others' eyes. And suddenly the surreal feeling/thought process strikes you that this woman; your W of xx years; the mother of your children -- actually did this same intimate erotic thing with OM repeatedly month after month while you were at work or at home at night with the kids. And it just doesn't seem possible; how could it be real. And then the rush of that sense of loss; a flash, even if brief, of the old pain. You can each come up with examples I am sure. But that is the life sentnce for me in a nutshell. From all of my reading on SI I know that for many of you your Ws did things for/with/to the OM that you never were treated to. And whether she now gives you that treatment or not, it is a bit tainted to you. You feel like there is nothing left that is "just yours". Nothing special just between you and her that no one else has ever shared in.
I'm afraid that I have a bit of that in me. And, for me, that is a life sentence. Because, as the saying goes, once that bell has been rung it can't be unrung.
But I also said it is not a life sentence in many ways. It did not end my ability to love my W. It did not end my ability to find, and experience, joy and happiness.
We stayed together. Very tough at times but we did. And we have had great times together. We still have great times together. New experiences that give me something to hold onto as "just mine" (and if any of you are thinking perverted thoughts -- NO I don't mean perverted shit!). I know my W loves me. As time passes you will be able to see that, if it is true. And if not, then you can move on without her. And with time you can learn - you will learn - to accept that what has happened has happened and to not obssess about it. To focus on the now and on the future.
Flashbacks? Yeah, maybe from time to time. Especially if you are dumb enough to watch some movie like the Richard Gere/Diane Lane one "Unfaithful" (guilty here on that). But really the passsage of time IF your W does what is necessary will allow you to gain perspective. That there can be much more to life and your marriage than the insanity of her A. You just have to allow yourself to accept the chances for happiness that are presented instead of turning away.
So from this oldtimers view, yeah, you are stuck with some lifetime damage that will never fully go away. But you are not stuck with a lifetime of pain and misery. You can still thrive. You can still have a heck of a great life. You will just have to learn, over time, to accept the good and the joy when it comes your way. Ust hang in there.


Me-BH 63
Her-fWW 63
DDay: June 1985. 5 years after A ended
DDay June, 1985
DDay June 1985
Still married - actually in love
2 grown kids; 4 grandkids

Posts: 589 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest - large city
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you SG, didn't mean that literally. Was just looking for a creative way to say that these guys are pretty stupid and shallow and don't reflect the best that humanity has to offer.

Oh, I can take it even farther with that though. See, they only flourished with the (geologically?) recent shift to agrarian societies, when prior to that fucking another guys wife would mean the other six guys in the tribe/clan/hunter gatherer unit would cut off your hands and use you to see which cave had a bear in it. It's a lot easier to get away with that shit because of the way we have shifted towards a higher population density and further from an egalitarian extended family unit - it's not like you could hide that you were fucking Thog's wife for long, because if you weren't contributing to Man Stuff you were fucking around while Women Stuff was going on and, you know, Thog's Wife would be in charge of something or other as well and her skipping responsibilities mean shit doesn't get done, and shit not getting done means getting eaten by a dinosaur.

So, there you have it. The rise in infidelity is directly correlated to the decline of cave bears. I would say dinosaurs, but dinosaurs are still around and are therefore unrelated to infidelity and are very tasty dipped in batter and deep fried:


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7118 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, I have a problem. With the start of football season I have been eating a lot of high calorie, fattening food. I feel bad about myself.

Should I:

a. Workout;

b. Lower my caloric intake; or

c. Sleep with the married mother of four children who feels equally bad about herself.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later, I have the same problem and have chosen options "a" and "c."

But the married mother of four with self-esteem issues happens to be my own lovely wife, not Thog's.

I'm going to invoke MW, 1985 and WAL more often. Thanks gents, your opinions and perspectives mean a lot to us noobs.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
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