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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Which one? I chase lots of mommies."
This has me seeing red, right now. I would've been in jail. A few days before DDAY, I asked my son if he had seen [OM] recently...because he was a close friend and I figured my wife might've been careless enough to give him a ride to work or something with my son in the car. He hadn't. I think I would've flipped my shit completely if that had happened.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 6:28 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would've been in jail.

Yeah, all I've been given so far is a name (very common, large city) and a general side of town where he lives. Probably for the best. This is an incident that dated back about 8-9 months before the day it was revealed to me. My response was to ask my wife for a divorce, immediately. She begged me to go to counseling with her instead, we started the next day, and here I am. The MC talked to me about the futility of worrying about what the OM said or did, and to focus on my marriage instead. But I've had about 6 months now to digest it, and it stills brings up near psychotic feelings.

If only life were an action movie and I could go waste the guy and walk off into the sunset as the credits roll. Save some other men the pain I've experienced, at least at the hands of this POS. Maybe karma would involve me exacting some sort of revenge, and after the DA prosecutes me or the OM (or his estate ) sues my ass off, the wife has to get on the witness stand in my defense and confess her misdeeds. I just can't figure out a way to do anything that wouldn't hurt my kids and me. What would our karma be - a hung jury and tens of thousands of dollars in attorney's fees?

But his smart ass reply to my daughter wasn't the real pain that was inflicted. The real pain is knowing that it wasn't enough to make her stop the affair. Her own daughter knowing that she's slutting around with another man wasn't enough. Talk about being in the fog.

I've always taken it for granted that there were lowlife men out there. Just never thought my wife would choose one of them as a playmate.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 6:46 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn Sal, you are good at this.

I just wanted to make the distinction between someone who inflicts pain on others by taking advantage of vulnerable people as a lifestyle choice and someone who screws up royally during a certain period and learns from his or her mistakes. I put my wife in the latter category. There's nothing else in our long history together to suggest that using others and inflicting pain is part of her normal M.O.

That is one of the things that I held tight to while I got through the nightmare, but you just put it better than I ever did.

All the noobies here who want to find a way to stay, THIS is wisdom. Take it to heart.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great point of view Sal. Puts things in a different perspective.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy anniversary to me! Haven't talked to WW in a month. Sitting in a shitty hotel room drinking Coors Light and chain smoking. And you know what? It ain't that bad.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you sunsets)))
Next to lurve poems, are alone smokin cigs poems. I have some old ones my friend, but they're the easiest and cheesiest. I still write them though - just learned to disguise them better lmao.

here's for you my friend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQN6ME2GPfY


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks jjct. My dad my dad always used to say its time for a new car when the ash tray got full. That's why I throw me out the window. Allegedly. Litter is a crime.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It stops when you stop throwing your self out the window, that's the real crime.
One I'm guilty of indeed.

I just needed to hear it umpteen times to hear it,
to where I could leave the window open and not heave it.

Fresh air's better than a throwing arm. It became about the air to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qrj5fJfh-A


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The real pain is knowing that it wasn't enough to make her stop the affair. Her own daughter knowing that she's slutting around with another man wasn't enough. Talk about being in the fog.
That has got to be tough on your daughter. How does a 15 year old reconcile those issues in her head when it takes us months to years of SI or IC to even come close? The damage they have done is bewildering sometimes.

I had a phone conversation with our MC today to update him on our S and D. I plan on taking in the 13 and 15 year old boys next week after STBXWW moves out to talk with him. I've been extremely vague with them, but they are old enough to know that people don't just up and decide to D one day. I struggle with the thought of them being burdened by too much of the details, but also want them to know my integrity is intact.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 3:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am bent on turning bewildering into awesome, that's why I'm here
after so many year.
Not because I'm stuck, it's bc I give a fuck.
Alot like sg, who in his genius mind, a lot like wal in his would tell you
hug your daughter long and long.

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal- why don't you put your POSER on ****? The modern way to kick his ass.

***Please do not post links to revenge sites****

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:13 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal- why don't you put your POSER on Cheaterville? The modern way to kick his ass.

What if the guy turns around and puts Sal's wife on there, is what I'd be worried about.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FacePunched,

What if the guy turns around and puts Sal's wife on there, is what I'd be worried about.

I put my wife's AP up on there after about 6 months post D-Day. I'd exhausted all other avenues (within reason) to find a way to contact his wife. I also said, well, fuck it. He has a fairly unique name that is one of the very first things to pop up in a search engine now(checked various computers too). Was literally the least I could do.

I made peace with the idea of anyone putting my wife up on there very easily and quickly. If his wife did, well that's her prerogative and she would have all the right in the world to do so. A consequence of my wife's stupidity. Should he do it, whatever. Someone else, again, whatever. I'm not responsible for what other people do.

His name and ugly mug are out there with a choice selection of evidence for the world to see what a manipulative piece of shit he is.

Anyways... 1985, I just wanted to say awesome post. It's compounded the sobering reality I'm finding myself in. The other day I was bummed out as seems to be the norm lately and my wife asked why. "Can I be blunt?" "Of course." "You fucked someone else." She accepted it, consoled me about it and apologized. I appreciate that she can take the rawness of my pain and be there for me, but it just fucking sucks sometimes that's it's there at all.

I know we'll make it through this and I'm positive I'll get to the point where it's simply history and I can embrace the good life we'll have together. Yet knowing this shit is with me for life... Bah.



I also mainly came in here to say just one thing since it's been bugging the fuck out of me lately. I fucking hate the word "hubby". I can't stand women who use it and I trigger every single time I stumble across it in writing or speech. I've been randomly reading stuff around here recently and there's a few BWs who have it written in their signatures... every time a trigger.

My wife called me that when talking to her AP about me, or anyone at the time about me. Admittedly she tried avoiding talking about me with these people, her AP in particular, but still when she did I was simply "the hubby". I was a fucking thing, an object of reference stripped of a name and dehumanized in entirety. She stopped saying my name and instead chose to label me with that in such a derisive and nonchalant way.

It's not a term of endearment and I honestly hate that word. Seems slightly irrational, I hold nothing against those who use it, but god fucking damn if it doesn't bother the hell out of me. Just wanted that off my chest.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VD,

Tell it all brother, tell it all. That's what we are here for. I've seen plenty of rants about how the opposite gender hates to be referred to as "the wife" because it reduces them to an object.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1985, thanks for describing what I have been feeling:

surreal

...yep...it's a feeling of disbelief and belief at the same time...I think a lot of it comes from not remembering what my WW was like back then. Hell, because of all the denial I wasn't even looking at her accurately at the time. Like everything here, knowing that others have to deal with it as well helps.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fucking hate the word "hubby".

For me it was "babe." What am I, an ox? Haven't heard that used since D-Day 1.

The more my respect for myself increases , the less crap I take from her. It's a formula that works for me.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Red  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a gentle reminder. Please don't post the names of revenge sites, and then we don't have to edit them, and then we're all happy. Ok? Thank you.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 42818 | Registered: Sep 2006
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I the only one who had to take a quick look to see if it was something I did?


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Tred, I had to look to see if it was something you did too


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well played RB!


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
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