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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one thing I've learned from life is that every single time I was 100% sure of something, I was mistaken.

Kind of like being 100% sure that my W would never cheat, whenever I've taken that kind of certainty to the bank, I got run over by the karma bus.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I the only one here who wonders what the reaction would have been had the genders been reversed?

From what I've gathered men cheat because they are horny dogs, women cheat because their needs aren't getting met at home. Don't shoot the messenger fellas, that seems to be the consensus in society. So I imagine the reaction would be a little different had the cheater been the wife.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 4:23 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's please not give meta any shit for doing her job -- even in jest.

She's helped more guys get through this mess than I care to count, and has done more than enough to earn my utmost respect as a voice here, even before she was a mod.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This will be my very first "What WAL Said". I agree 100%. Amen, WAL.

Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This will be my very first "What WAL Said". I agree 100%. Amen, WAL.

Damn Losfer, first attempt and you misspell it. It's WWS (or dubbleyou dubbleyou ess). And I assure you, no one feels worse than me. Meta has helped me in some of my worse times.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the correction, Tred! Damn... you can tell I'm still new at some of this!

I can't speak for Meta, but I'm sure she's okay with you.

She's helped me out many a time, too.


Posts: 4557 | Registered: Dec 2010
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just going to get everything back on track:


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's please not give meta any shit for doing her job -- even in jest.
She's helped more guys get through this mess than I care to count, and has done more than enough to earn my utmost respect as a voice here, even before she was a mod.

Okay, but we are going to have to give someone hell. I vote for anyone other than UhTred.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, but we are going to have to give someone hell. I vote for anyone other than UhTred.

Ha. That guy is willing to go further than I am to win. If you're reading this big guy, let me know how to stay on your good side.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Following The general thread about the BW who knew but her husband didn't know she knew. That girl should be an honorary member of the Menz forum. In her latest post she said she and her sister are going to drink an swear like sailors. Lets raise a grog to her shout huzzah! Or arrrrr in honor of Talk like a pirate day next week.

Meta and Authentic are monitoring our forum? Who drew the short straw in that meeting? Can I offer you two a homebrew?

[This message edited by dadof4 at 12:23 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-23,21,16,14
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hard to believe it's been 12 years.

Wow.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peace brothers.

Lest we forget...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


“...there was only one thing that interested her and that was getting into bed with men whenever she'd the chance. And I warned her straight. 'You'll be sorry one day, my girl, and wish you'd got me back'.”
― Albert Camus, The stranger

An interesting quote I came across this morning


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember it like it was yesterday. Horrible day. I hope I never see anything like it again.

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

prayers and peace for all who lost their lives in such a treacherous attack.

special thanks to the 343 who lost their lives rushing in while everyone else was running out.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just thought I would post over here and gain some of the overflowing wisdom that seems to be here.

After 16 months I guess I'm still not satisfied. I guess the moods come and go. I liken it to an ever decaying sine wave. On D-day the amplitude and frequency are almost at infinity. As time goes on they both decay until it's just bobbles above and below neutral at an ever decreasing frequency.

The problem is the sine wave goes on forever.

So here I am in my latest funk. I still don't think I have received a good answer to "why was it ok for you to cheat"?

Her answer is "I didn't think you loved me anymore".

I have trouble with this because when she told me she didn't love me anymore I still didn't think it was Ok to cheat. So where is the disconnect?

How else could I rephrase the question to get the proper answer? I believe until I get the "true" answer this question will never go away.

Any ideas?


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

71, I don't really have time for a lengthy post. so in the interest of brevity, let me turn that around on you.

is there any answer in the known universe that could possibly satisfy you? in other words is it ever okay to have an affair?

I'm only a couple months ahead of you, I sure as hell haven't found any that can satisfy me. when I sat down and really thought about it, I realize there is no justification. oh there may be a whole lot of reasons, but nothing that will ever make me except that it was okay.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

e.t.a double post

[This message edited by 5454real at 12:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5454...


I think an answer that doesn't somehow lay the blame on me and requires my FWW to truly look at herself honestly an answer that question would do.

By her saying "I thought you didn't love me", it somehow makes me culpable for her actions. For instance in her mind if I would have "loved her more" she wouldn't have done this. So technically to her it's all my fault.

She even admitted to me sometime later that she initiated everything and that the OM was reluctant.

I still think there are things from her past that she is hiding from me even though she swears I know everything.

I just wonder what stops this the next time she "doesn't think I love her".


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
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