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Newest Member: iknowiwillbeok (43219)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 13
1985
♂ Member
Member # 28171
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, NO, it does not go away. But I have never considered myself as having an "inner dialogue". I am very cynical. A part of my personality is prone to sarcasm. When I hear comments filled with irony or hypocrisy, zingers just pop into my head. But I always attributed it to the fact that I have spent my career cross examining people and your brain gets trained to respond with sarcasm/cynicism/witty responses. I never let them escape my lips with my W as that would be nothing more than punishment to her. And I don't want to behave that way.
It is interesting to me to hear that so many of you have the same mental processes and, also, keep the comments to yourselves. Also, like several of you have commented, I don't believe my W has a clue that any of this is going on inside my head.
While this apparently will never go away, hopefully you will all get to the point I am with it.. I let the comebacks that form in my head serve as self amusement. Leading to inner laughter. And then to the realization of how terribly amusing I am. And by that point any anger or negative emotion that had formed is swept away.
On the other hand, perhaps I shouldn't wish on any of you that you become as demented as I am. Cheers to Friday afternoon!


Me-BH 63
Her-fWW 63
DDay: June 1985. 5 years after A ended
DDay June, 1985
DDay June 1985
Still married - actually in love
2 grown kids; 4 grandkids

Posts: 589 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest - large city
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

damn, we do think alike, I was actually laughing last week after fWW was going on about how I was so better than her friend's chauvanist(sp?) pig H.
I had some zinger pop in my head and actually laughed out loud. She was confused.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want to go on record as saying the chorus of people chiming in right now is pretty fucking awesome.

Friday night, loading a trailer to take my step daughter to college tomorrow. Drinking a beer (toll back into the house is one drink ). Had my son help me load the heavy shit. Zen.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred I envy you, I still have 10 yrs before mine are outta school.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still have three years on the boy. But he's worth it .

The ladies are off visiting granny, so nothing but dicks at the house. Like I said - Zen. Or intoxication. Whatever.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is time to open a cold one. Markets closed for the week. No one died. Wife out of the house with young son. Daughter at a friends. I used to dislike being alone for some reason, now I covet my alone time. Just me and my lab. There is true loyalty!!!!


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine are all gone all weekend, I've been looking forward to this for months.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No beer for me this Friday, road trip tomorrow. If it follows the last couple years we'll break down or get stuck somewhere in the vicinity of OM's town. Last time we stopped at a convenience store he briefly worked at. At the time she was triggery, I kinda just got a lol.

wrt violence, when I started at the gym there was a girl there about 100 lbs soaking wet. She ripped the cartilage in my ribs. Was like the second week or so. Was a good thing we were taking a week for vacation because my stupid ass kept going in. One of the more painful things I've endured, I was surprised that I couldn't ignore it. Broken fingers or toes, tape that up and move on, this was like being stabbed in the chest every time I took a breath.

Little college age blonde chick did that to my 210+ lb flabby ass. She wasn't even one of the really dangerous ones.

Now that was in a place where you sign a waiver because you are entering into controlled violence, so obviously the chances of that kind of thing happening increase at an unrealistic rate. If we were married though and I took that to the cops after a DV dispute? I don't know what would happen because I wouldn't take it to the cops. Not because I don't think they'd believe me, just the embedded humiliation and shame of being beaten by a girl half my size. Doesn't matter she had been training for a year or so to do that shit. Which is the problem. The caveats don't matter for the mob perspective. Cute little blonde girl, middle age guy twice her size, she would need to have had a gun and shot me in the chest a half dozen times for there to be the same general outcry were the situation reversed. Not saying everyone is like that or that it is the way it should be, or even that it goes uncalled. Gets called a lot.

The disparity there though, it doesn't seem to just be a gender thing but that the situational modifiers are generally ignored in favor of gender. I dunno. Doing that thinking out loud thing again.

Hey FacePunched, hope you are feeling better today. I know how much that shit can drag down, I was trying to commiserate before if I didn't come out coherent enough.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7117 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred I envy you, I still have 10 yrs before mine are outta school.

I've got 12 years to go. The boy is just kicking off first grade.

I used to dislike being alone for some reason, now I covet my alone time.
That's one way my wife and I are different...I love being alone. I go to movies, lunch, the mall the bookstore, whatever....by myself. My favorite time of day is the 2 or so hours after my son goes to bed and before my wife comes home from work.

Hey FacePunched, hope you are feeling better today. I know how much that shit can drag down, I was trying to commiserate before if I didn't come out coherent enough.

Little better today. Thanks. It can get rough...he just has 1000x more energy than I do...

[This message edited by FacePunched at 4:21 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Sal1995
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Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A part of my personality is prone to sarcasm. When I hear comments filled with irony or hypocrisy, zingers just pop into my head.

Guilty as charged. But I've been doing a good job avoiding zingers for quite awhile now, especially since I have a remorseful wife who's trying to fix herself. But I let one slip last night. She could tell I was down and asked if there was anything she could do to help. I suggested getting into a time machine, go back to when the affair started, and not do those things. Not my finest moment, but the point I was trying to make was that what happened happened, I'm going to feel down about it at times, and there's really not much that can be done. Should have just said that, since sarcasm isn't the best R tool. Live and learn.

DV is not a laughing matter, but it reminded me of an incident earlier this week. I have 6-yr. old twin boys, going on 7, that work me over pretty good. Had a freak injury earlier in the week. We were playing baseball in the front yard using the big yellow plastic bat and plastic softball looking thing that comes with the Little Tikes T-ball set. One of my sons lined a pitch back at me that hit just above my right kneecap. It stung like hell for a couple of seconds but I didn't think much of it - just a plastic toy ball, after all. At the time I was just proud that a 1st grader could hit a ball that hard. But damned if my knee didn't swell and get sore that night. From toys that are meant to be safely used by little kids.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
DefiledRage
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Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No beer suggestions this Friday, its going to be a Redrum weekend. Lightening induced power surges followed with extended power outages do shitty things to my servers. Long-ass day.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
SuperDuperWonderboy
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Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it that time yet?

I think it is.



My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long ass week. I'm going to settle in with a glass of rye.


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Dec 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear about the lighting and power surges doing shitty things to your servers, DR.

My servers were crapping out all on their own. Two failed RAIDs, one failed ILO, and one failed power supply. Just because, I guess? WTF?


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Dec 2010
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because, I guess?

Feel your pain Los

Fridays have just seem to go like this lately. Two fridays ago had a failed raid controller, corrupted all the mirrored drives, windows backup had corrupted shadow copies. To top it off the SQL back got corrupted by the bad controller too, 4 layers of backup amounted to shit, the perfect storm. Had to start from scratch.

Never tried Bulleit. Looks like it would put hair on your chest.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn dude... that sounds brutal!

Yeah, one of our servers that had the failed array controller this week (plus a failed drive, which caused us to discover the failed array controller when we did a hot swap and it wouldn't rebuild), needs to be wiped. We're backing up 100+G of crap off of there right now. This is one of our main dev boxes that houses SourceSafe, CVS, SharePoint, amongst other things.

All the while, I'm thinking, "Dammit, Jim, I'm a software developer, not a system administrator!" They really shouldn't be letting me near those machines, if they knew what was good for them.

Bulleit is really good for the price. I have quite a bit of hair on my chest already, so I figure, meh, what's a few extra?

Never had Redrum. Any good?


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Dec 2010
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good if you like cheap rum backed by cool marketing. In college we just thought it was cool because you can read redrum backwards in the see through bottle. Did I mention cheap rum? exactly what I'm looking for this weekend.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever works for you to unwind, man. I totally understand. Cool looking bottle, by the way!

Trying to play a little bit of catch up here:

Sal - Wanted to relay to you that I'm still recovering from my 9 year old hitting a line drive with a 100% foam baseball into the temple of my head three days ago. Shit hurts, man!

RyeBread - Wanted to let you know that I was inspired by your NO MA'AM fishing trip last weekend, and I took my kid out and he caught his first fish. It was a really nice moment, actually.

WAL - I really liked your viewpoints on the whole "alpha male" thing. Anyone who is willingly and lovingly parenting kids that are not biologically theirs as their own automatically have a special place in my heart, so you can add that one to your list, too.

MoreWould - I really appreciate your perspective on the whole skewed outlook at the marriage 30+ years out, yet it's still worth it.

WB - Good thread starter, even though you had to improvise on the fly.

These are just a few things that pop into my head that I gleaned from lurking on this thread whenever I had a spare moment. All of you guys are great. Hope you have an awesome weekend.


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Dec 2010
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking about what ThinkingClear said early in this thread (and I have no apologies - not my fault it moves so fast :) ). I am an all in or all out kind of a guy while my FWW is not passionate about anything... not sure if it's related to infidelity or just an observation.

(And talking about "all in" this is the title of the General Petraeus book by his mistress, a WW herself)


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1160 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
MC_Jack
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Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VENT. This has been a burr in my saddle all day, kinda reminds me of an older post of mine too...
where your WW is suddenly, magically, tragically so interested in where else *you* might be putting your dick.

Regardless of the reason why they care, they do, and they ask us to do for them what they would not do for us. I am not sure that my WW would stand by me if I had cheated like she did.

So I am really struggling right now interacting with in society as there are a lot of attractive women, including those flirting with me etc. Hell I had some woman hitting on me tonight. There is a lot to check out, and what would a hot booty call be like? So triggering occurs: the gross unfairness of the whole thing. She want me to be faithful and requires it when she was not. By extension, she is denying me the hot strange booty call that she was more than willing to give MOM. Twisted perspective, I get it, but still, OM gets 'more'. Worse, if I see a really good looking babe and imagine hooking up with her, I shudder with the crap of actually going through with such a deed, but OM/WW did, so my mind easily transforms the vision to my WW getting pounded by MOM, more trigger. Maybe I need to wear a burka over my eyes.

Just exhaled.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 11:01 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
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