Healing form infidelity takes years. All of us want it to take days, but the truth is that you just get by day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute in those first horrible months. And sometimes you have the same horrible moments even after you thought you healed.
Take things way day at a time. Figure out what you need to get thru the next day, or next hour, or even next minute, and then call upon your inner strength to provide for you. You really ARE stronger than you know, you just do not know it yet
[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 3:23 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]
Then don't ask the inlaws, the OW or XH to change.
Take down the curtains - the illusions of the past. Make a dress out of those curtains - dust off that resume and change your circumstances.
Just because you might love what you do, or the job market might be tough, doesn't mean there's not something better out there you can do. Because there is. Because you won't have to see him every day. You won't have to relive this emotional pain every day.
If the job takes you to another community, so be it. The oldest is almost through high school. The youngest hasn't begun junior high yet. It will be a growing opportunity for all of you. Make your plans and don't tell a soul.
But teach your children about adapting and becoming stronger. Give them the tools and strength to say - Mom - if we need to move before I get to graduate with my friends, I will support you because I'm strong and want to make new friends anyway. I want to be a part of a new life.
Help them let go by you letting go.
I've been listening to an audio book/workshop on the way to work called "Fear Into Fire" and frankly fear is all about being resistant to change.
If you want your children to be courageous, teach them to embrace change.
Do the Inlaws KNOW about the Affair?
If not, hell yeah you need to out the affair! Do not warn anyone, just go an talk to them privately.
I was in the same situation as you except his family lived out of state. Once I told them about the affair, it didn't change them & me , but I knew they finally knew. period. THat's all I got out of it because they believe all his other lies.
Getting away from sick people is the only way to change.
I feel the same way after IC, I started going 2x a week for a while. It's a process. Keep chugging along.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:17 AM, August 25th (Sunday)]