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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: blame, rationalization versus understanding what happened
rbf1234
♀ Member
Member # 39471
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over the past 10 months, I often feel blamed by the things WH says. (Particularly when he has linked the cheating with painful things I/we went through 20 years ago.) He says he is just trying to describe what he went through. And when I react defensively he says it is because I don't want to hear him.

So my questions are:

1. Anyone else have trouble listening to negative feelings from the WH ... post DD?

2. Any tips for being able to listen to the negative stuff while still protecting my right not to be blamed for the infidelity?

3. Is it possible that in MC we started talking about long term problems in the marriage before dealing with the affair? But if so, what does it mean to deal with the affair without addressing the underlying problems in the marriage?

Thanks!


Posts: 82 | Registered: Jun 2013
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how much help up be but you can acknowledge the behaviors and actions you exhibited in the past while also making clear that it didn't make him do anything- it was his own choice to react the way he did.


BGF (me)- 25
FWBF (him)- 24
Was in a LTR but it's complicated now

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 962 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
Topic Posts: 2

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