Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: steve2020 (43223)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ex refused to allow me to speak to my kids..
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Angry  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This man is so cocky and doing a power play big time but my children are paying the price. My lawyer and the judge will love (not) his behavior. He sent two extremely rude (think swear words, name calling) emails last week after not wanting to disclose that he moved from MI to NJ! The kids and I live in MN so that's an 18+ hr drive (not including stops). I didn't get CS in July so when my CS caseworker called his job on Aug 2nd, it was discovered he got a new job he didn't tell me about and still hasn't told me his contact info.

In the last EIGHT MONTHS this man has only spoken with his 4 yr old children one time and had seen them two overnights prior to taking them Saturday for his three weeks with them. He shows no interest in them otherwise.

DS and DD are very attached to me which is to be expected. I told XH on Saturday when they (him and wife #3) took the kids, that I'd like to Skype on Tuesday or Wednesday. I got a text Tuesday afternoon stating the children weren't available to Skype till Thursday (today)! I called and said I'd like to at least talk to them on the phone. They got back to me on Wednesday and said they could talk on the phone last night before bed. Wednesday rolls around and I realize that why can't they Skype since it's just as easy as talking on the phone. I figured it was a power play since I'm the one that asked for Tuesday/Wednesday.

Here's how it played out when I asked about Skyping:

ME: Since talking on the phone is just as easy as logging on the computer, I'd like to Skype.


HIM/THEM: Sure, we can let you know a time to Skype tomorrow night.

ME: Why can't I Skype tonight since they're home? Even for 5-10 minutes same as a phone call.

HIM: It's not a matter of ease.....(Wife #3) has finals due all this week and needs every possible minute on the computer when daddy gets home from work. We should have everything put together for the second computer by tomorrow night so they can Skype.


ME: That is unacceptable. 'Wife #3's' homework doesn't come before me Skyping with my children. 'Wife #3' can survive 5-10 minutes off the computer. 'Wife #3' can log the children on whether you are there or not. That way she'll have the PC all to herself when you get home.

HIM: Nor does a vacation come before my parenting time, but I guess it is what it is. And since you want to follow the agreement exactly as it's written, I don't recall seeing anything about Skyping requirement on my end. So keep in mind that I am doing you a favor.....unlike you have done for me, so act accordingly.

ME: My vacation time didn't come before your parenting time. You were notified in January and of the 11 weeks you could have them. Don't worry, the change of Skyping while with you is already in the works....among other things.

You chose to take a new job instead of your children when they were available. I have the kids available to Skype when you want to. What time are they available tonight?

HIM: I already told you when they were available....I didn't say they wouldn't be available at all the whole trip, so I am baffled at your response. You do not make the children available at my beck and call, so it's funny that you would expect such. Very funny. Just seems like you enjoy conflict. One of us will let you know their availablity tomorrow. We are busy having fun....I am not longer available to text.

ME: So you are refusing to let me Skype with them even though they're available, which you stated was tonight? Since you never even inquire about Skyping, it's impossible to refuse your request. That said, rarely have they ever not been available.

I don't like conflict. You are making the conflict by not allowing me access to my children.

HIM: Denying access? Nope, just said that they are not available to Skype on s'mommy's computer, who also is not required to facilitate such. Unless you would also find it acceptable to require grandma to facilitate Skyping when I choose. You are welcome to come here and see them if you like.....I would never refuse your access to them. And I do not appreciate your attempt to do it to me. If you would like to Skype tomorrow, I will make them available, otherwise we will make other plans. Your choice! sent @ 7:26 pm

ME: So you've lived there for weeks/months and you don't have your computer set up? Highly doubt that.

So you're changing it to they now can't Skype? Your text at 6:27 pm said they could Skype and you'd be "doing me a favor". sent @ 7:29 pm

I told you that you could call and talk to the kids at GMa's when you asked (you chose not to call). They don't have Skyping capabilities as you were told. sent @ 7:32 pm


If they are now no longer allowed to Skype, I'd like to talk to them on the phone tonight. And then Skype tomorrow night. sent @ 7:44 pm.

<end of texts/contact>


I called and left a voice mail at about 8:05 last night stating I'd like to speak to my children. I didn't get to speak to my babies at all. Now my babies haven't been allowed to even speak to their mommy in five days. :( My heart hurts.

Supposedly they'll be Skyping tonight but I'm not holding my breath till it does.

This man is truly sick on so many levels. His anger and bitterness is being taken out on our children.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 8:28 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


Me - Now 35 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1687 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't like this. Any of this at all.

How do you know what state he is in currently? How do you know WHERE they are at all?

Do you not have rights to phone contact in your custody agreement?

If I did not speak to my children tonight I would blow up his phone and I would contact law enforcement.

I don't like this at all.

I am so sorry. I don't want to make it worse. Maybe I am over reacting? Hopefully you can get some more perspectives.

(((GM))) big hugs and please let us know when you speak to them.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, this is not good. I would be inclined to ask the police to drop by for a wellness check. Seriously.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been jumping at my own shadows today, and even contemplating setting random things on fire, so I don't want to be the one calling for action, but I can't seem to let this one go.

It's late on NJ time. Late for a couple of 4 year olds on an unfamiliar schedule.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Audio record all conversations with him. Period.

Posts: 5464 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have his address? I would not let him take my children unless I knew where he lived.

If you know where he lives then do a well check and ask the police to have your kids call you.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw/Skyped with my babies for about 26 minutes! Phew. If he didn't allow me to tonight I would be opening a can of whoop ass tomorrow (I still will be with my lawyer but a bit less desperate pace).

He did give me his home address in NJ after about four emails stating that the children were not going to go anywhere until I had it. He relented two days before the desired pick-up date. He has yet to give me his work contact info though.

The divorce decree says that I have to have the children available to him at least Skype three times/wk. Which is one of the ammendments that will be added so I have that same right when we go back to court. I'm working on a list that I want to ammend/add.

I think I should go for 100% legal custody (already have sole physical) since he won't coparent at ALL and won't see the kids. Probably won't happen, but can't hurt. A judge will be appalled when they read the emails.

You guys would light him on fire if you read what he wrote to me.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 9:15 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


Me - Now 35 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1687 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Sparkles
♀ Member
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you were finally able to skype with them. Total dick move on his part and hopefully it will bit him in the ass. It would have made me crazy not to talk to my kids for days!

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: In a better place
stillstrong
♀ Member
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How were the kids? Did they seem to be missing you terribly, or were they missing you but having a good time?


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Strongmama
♀ Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry he's suck a jerk! My ex has pulled stuff like this and didn't let me talk to my kids even when they were wanting to talk to me
Hope your babies are okay, and you too of course. Hopefully he will grow up and realize how bad his behavior is and how those sweet kids will know what he's done one day, and will most likely make the choice on their own to not talk to or see him at all. What a bunch of jerks!
I'm sorry.

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for updating!! I am relieved for you.

I can't believe it is not "reciprocal" if he gets it, you would in reverse...

Go after him and I can imagine he is a jerk in writing. It is his default setting.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.