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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just going through the motions but I think im done
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People keep telling me to wait a year to make a final decision but I cant get past what hes done to me. Knowing that I never deserved anything he put me through makes it really hard to see past the good hes done since I took him back.
He says he didn't like her, then why did you have sex with her? "I don't know" is the answer I get. That doesn't cut it. He says every time he did something with her, sexual or not, he felt guilty but persisted on into a PA. WHY?
I did everything I could to save our M especially pre A and nothing worked. I mean, he got mad at me for yelling at our oldest when he spent all of 2 hours a day at home not helping me. On top of that, I had ptsd from being raped 9 years ago and still healing from a c-section in july '12 but that didn't stop him from berating me about not putting out. Don't even get me started on the neglect, I cant believe I never cheated... Or left all together.
I cant get past his A, I cant even see a keyhole of light in the tunnel. I just don't feel a connection with him anymore, there's nothing there, there's no butterflies or spark left. He's singlehandedly killed any love I had for him. Its just not there anymore, im not in love with him anymore and its all his fault. I suppose I'll just go with it until I can either get out or, I doubt, he changes my mind.
O'well, at least its not my fault it went to hell in the OWs hand bag.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 7:20 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I've been having a rough time, too. It sucks that we're both here.

I keep going back and forth on "being done" myself. For me it's not his actions now; it's what he did in the past to hurt me. It's been a little over 2 months since our D-day, and I still get violently sick with the thought of him with her!

The reason I am *trying* to hang in there is because we have two kids, and a LOT to lose if we split. He is also showing a lot of remorse and doing everything right now (snarky emphasis on NOW). That being said, I can't say for sure that I'll actually be able to hang in there. It really freaking hurts, and I'm tired of feeling hurt and sad all the time!

If you think there's any love between you two, I would say it's worth trying. But if you can honestly say that you DON'T love him anymore, then maybe you've distanced yourself emotionally and you're ready to move on. I know I'm not quite to that point yet; I still love WH, even though most days I tell him to "go eat a dick!"


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did love, so much that when I took him back I didn't even stop to think about what happened. We had HB that felt like love making but now its just sex, I don't do it for love or attraction. Honestly, attraction hasn't had anything to do with it in years.
I don't believe he really loves me or was ever in love with me. It just doesn't seem possible to be in love with someone and simultaneously be so shity towards them. Its to contradictory for me, it cant be true love.
We have 2 kids and im a sahm so im SOL. There's nothing here for me but there's no way out.
I've told my WH to "eat dick" too. Lol
Thank you and Good luck

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 8:35 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am right there with you. I am trying to wait a year, as well, to see if SAWH can get his act together...but I went to my lawyer today to talk about things I should be doing, in the meantime, to prepare for filing if I do decide to end the M. I'm glad I had that conversation. It's empowering to know that one way or another, you will get through this. It's just going to take some time.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2013
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been almost a year...right there with you all.

God be with us too.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

womaninflux, WH and I are looking into getting a post-nuptual agreement just in case he decides to be a shit again. I want to make sure my kids and I are taken care of financially!


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to see a lawyer and get a post nup drawn up asap. Its now at the top of my priority list. I need to have something for me and my boys when I decide to leave. I know I deserve spousal support but child support will suffice.
I deserve better and I know I can do better. Thank you and Good luck


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Topic Posts: 7

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