Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is it possible to enjoy a wedding?
naivewife
♀ Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I responded to post a few weeks ago about someone feeling like crap after attending a wedding. Ironically, about a week later we received a wedding invitation. WH really wants to go. I'm afraid it's going to put me in a very dark place. Just wondering if my fellow BS's have attended weddings after being betrayed and how did it go? Did you do anything special to make it easier on you? (Skip the ceremony? Listen to your iPod during the vows?!?) Or were you able to just go and enjoy?


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it is possible. I went to a wedding two weeks after DDay with WH. I ignored him for the most part as there were many other friends to talk to.
The wedding actually helped take my mind off the turmoil with WH.
It was a relief to have my mind occupied by something else.
Yes, it did make me think of my own wedding, but bugger it, it was not my day and I was there to celebrate with others. (A few extra glasses of red wine did smooth the day. )
So if you do go, just relax and enjoy.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
avicarswife
♀ Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our daughter got engaged just before D-day.

Sadly I feel I missed out on the much of the joy of organising her wedding with her as I was so grief stricken at his betrayal. Her wedding was beautiful - I struggled throughout the day at various times. I got tearful seeing her dad walk her down the aisle and give her away and then during his father of the bride speech. However the overall the wedding was wonderful - but too close to home so early on.

Recently my widowed brother got re-married. His first wife was one of my very dear friends. The wedding was lovely - and I did enjoy it very much.

The vows were definitely the hardest part - I concentrated on admiring the wedding dresses and tried to "tune out" a bit for those.

WH and I got parted at the service at my brother's wedding - it was outdoor and suddenly they (bride and groom) were walking towards us and WH was talking to some guest across the court yard. Initially I was mad at him for not supporting me - I had to stand in a particular area to say a prayer. However in retrospect it was easier not having him close.

The service and vows were the hardest but the reception (plus a wine or 3) was enjoyable.

[This message edited by avicarswife at 8:43 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
Rhondy
♀ New Member
Member # 39327
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attended one 5 months post DDay. I too found the ceremony and listening to the vows very hard. Especially when it got to the part about forsaking all others. Once that was over I really had a good time. So yes you can enjoy it but some parts might be difficult.

Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2013
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I went to several. The first was with STBXW a few months before in-house S started. The wedding was nice but I spent the entire ceremony supressing the urge to yell RUN, don't do it, over 50% of M's fail at the top of my lungs. Then I realized that maybe they will be in the percentage that makes it. The day wasn't about me after all. The reception was a little better. Yes the vows do suck, my eyes were burning a hole in the side of my STBXW's face the entire time the vows were being made.

Next wedding I went to was after paperwork had been signed and I had detached. I had a blast at that one. Enjoyed the entire ceremony too. Did alot more mingling and generally enjoyed myself.

You know yourself so drinking may or may not be a good idea. I didn't drink at the first wedding I attended but did at the second.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
DCP21
♀ New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hoping it IS possible. My daughter is getting married next Saturday. My DDAY was in March, but I still haven't confronted my H yet because of all the wedding planning. It's taken all the joy out of it for me, because it's hard to think of anything else. I'm just going to concentrate on the day and not on the H. However, I think Labor Day will be the time of reckoning. But I hope you have a wonderful time and just live in the moment.


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
Jwayne10
♂ New Member
Member # 40286
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attended a wedding just a few months after DDay and it was really tough. I don't think I prepared for it though, I didn't think about before hand. When they got to the vows I broke down, didn't even see it coming. After that I prepared for it mentally and the next one was fine.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2013
FooledinPhilly
♀ New Member
Member # 40107
Sad  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just attended a vow renewal ceremony which was basically a second wedding. It was for a friend of my WH. I almost lost it during the vow's...took all my strength to keep my composure...Since I found out about my cheating husband, I've been thinking so much about our wedding vow's and how much those words actually mean...Its only been a month since I found out so maybe sometime in the future wedding stuff wont hurt as bad, but right now I can say it was extremely hard to enjoy any part of it.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Philly
HurtsBad
♂ Member
Member # 20687
Helpless  Posted: 3:58 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some background. After D, I married OM's BW. XW married OM.

About a year later, we attended the wedding of my SD, the DD of my wife and OM. XW was there, so it was somewhat stressful for me. But SD and her new hubby had known each other for years, and I really believed they'd be married for life.

The wedding was a three-hour drive. OM and XW were killed on the highway that night.

And now, a year and a half later, SD is filing. (Thankfully, not for cheating.)

So I guess you could say I haven't had good experiences with weddings.


Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: the best place in the Whole Wide World!
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I have to go to a wedding, I sort of roll my eyes at the whole thing. It just doesn't have the meaning it used to, and I feel like it's all a big waste of time.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang.

[This message edited by NotDefeatedYet at 4:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We attended my nieces wedding this past June. I thought, being almost 4 years out I'd do okay. Yeah, no. I was good before the ceremony and up until the vows.

I cried the whole time they were saying them. H held my hand and kept whispering I'm so sorry I broke my vow to you.

I pulled it together and did okay with the rest of the ceremony and reception.

I'm so thankful we don't have any to attend in the near future.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's difficult when you feel that your own wedding, anniversaries, memories, etc. have been rendered meaningless. Hopefully time will heal this wound. My D Day is around the same time as yours and I'm definitely not there yet. Good luck.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 5:05 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone else's wedding has nothing at all to do with you, or your marriage. It is about them completely and celebrating the place that they are in.

Even if your own marriage is not so hot right now, you should still go and be happy for THEM.

Plus, after the ceremony, there is free drinks, free food, and dancing. All things I personally love. I don't see how someone can complain about that.

I hope everyone enjoyed MY wedding, despite how their personal marriages were going.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Losttransport
♀ Member
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We got a wedding invitation a few months ago around DDay antiversary. We sent a gift, but I didn't want to go. I told WH if he could stomach sitting and listening to the vows he could, but not me. He stayed home with me. Just one more opinion. Good luck.


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 95 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 15

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.