He was using profanity to me and being an idiot. So I let him have it right back. Told him I felt the last 20 years were a waste, that he is a lying, cheating jerk, that I'm tearing up all photographs with him in them so he'd better hide the ones he wants to keep.
I said goodbye and good riddance.
WH said "I would never say such bad things to you. I know I screwed up but what you are saying is just wrong."
I said you were secretly cake-eating all year long. You are disgusted with my words, but I am disgusted with your actions which have been horrific compared to my harsh text messages today.
I shouldn't have gotten into it with him at all. But he was acting like an idiot today.
I have no clue if I was in the wrong by saying those things. I was offended he expected me to care what OW and her friends thought about me exposing the STD may have spread to her. I don't care if he looks like an ass in front of people. He should.
I imagine though if we were in R, I would probably apologize for saying such things. But I want him out of my life in every way and he's been an absolute douche bag.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
BTW, he's never apologized to me, either. Of course he's never admitted to cheating, so...
I've actually thanked him for not having intercourse with her. Thanked him for doing everything but penetration
I cannot control my anger at times - do I wish I could have reacted better?
Of course! I do express this to WH.
But he understands why I feel how I do.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
Although understandable, not justifiable. Using my words as weapons and trying deliberately to wound my WH was something I would apologise for when the dust settled and I realised I could have handled things better.
The tirades really just highlighted my poor communication skills.
I have apologized when I have accused him of things that turned out to not be true.
I have apologized when I have been inappropriate in my actions.
I have apologized for everything that I did, in our marriage, that led to our marriage problems. And I will keep apologizing for them (as is he) until the apologies are no longer needed.
All of the above took some time for me to do. But I was only able to get to that place by the consistent *actions* of my FWH towards R. Had he been unrepentant, as your WH is, then I would never let an apology cross my lips.
I will never apologize for my reactions to his ONS. But I will certainly own my own shit and apologize for spreading it around.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
[This message edited by Missymomma at 6:55 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]
For the first 4months I felt he deserved unfiltered thoughts from me. I don't regret anything I said or did because it was honest and he needed to see and feel my anguish firsthand. I also needed to see him handle my wrath and despair and stay the course. It gave me confidence to move forward.
If you feel the anger coming on, acknowledge it, understand what is driving it, and discuss things later. It's important to acknowledge the anger and the cause in your mind, so that it is not buried or repressed. Once you understand the source of the anger, it will help you better direct your feelings/questions to your WS to help you heal.
The problem with lashing out in anger is that often the reaction of the person it is directed against is to react with anger. If that occurs while emotions are strong, things can quickly spiral out of control, and can lead to a destructive outcome.
I believe for us to have a successful R we need to treat each other with kindness, love and understanding. We need to create the type of M that we want to have. We are trying to build a new M, a new partnership. And I don't think me staying on my high horse lends itself to the type of relationship I want to build with my H. I feel that we both need to apologize to each other when it is warranted. I have no need to hold the A over his head or "punish" him for his actions. There has been enough pain (on both sides) and it is time to let that go.
That does not mean that I don't get angry or hurt. That does not mean that I don't say hurtful and evil things because I do. But that is not who I want to be and not the type of relationship I want to build.
So I apologize.