I have been to me feel like I have been controlling my anger lately, but holding on to it is hard at times. Seeing my BS angry this morning realized how anger can control someone. I know it was out of anger but some stuff from my childhood got thrown back in my face, one thing I never told anyone. I got a bit aggitated but stayed calm and towards the end I did get frustrated because I said something contradicting and got questioned about it, got frustrated and didnt have answer that no more clear thoughts.
Anger has been my biggest issue and it has definitely lead me to this position. I saw my BS this type of way and she never was, now she is what I always thought of her to be, I took her for granted and created this. Now her anger is out and I dont know how to respond to it but stand there and shut up.
I feel like Im babbling and not making any sense right now, I want to know how do yall handle the anger and what are your steps??? What do you do when things are being said that are to belittle you and make you feel even more shitty than you are?? I want her to vent all that anger out because I put her in this position and its just sometimes I dont know what to do and help on it.
Let's put aside for a second that she doesn't have the power to "make you" feel shitty. If something that lands hurtful is said, my C encourages me to say: "Ow." Which usually stops the conversation and we can talk about it.
You say she intends to belittle you. Are you sure? This sounds weird if you've never tried it, but try the "When you said X, I felt Y" construct, and ask what her intentions were.
When you said blah-blah, I felt hurt. What reaction were you looking for, when you said that?
P.S. To 20Wrongsvs1 -- Thank you! I started this post before I saw yours.
[This message edited by ResoluteH at 2:36 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]