As my Dad used to say, it's like trying to teach a pig to dance: it's fruitless, and it annoys the pig.
Feel free to apply this metaphorically any way you like.
With time the anger will subside. Hang in there. Hugs.
I read an article that said contacting the OP is never productive like it feels like it is going to be in our minds.
Write it and burn it.
This OW of yours sounds a lot like my husbands OW....she had a pkan, she was the initial aggressor. This doesn't excuse the fact of what. Has happened bu it does explain it a bit. In my case the OW was a coworker who had a horrible, nasty, dysfunctional marriage that was about to end. She had been told by her H that he wanted a divorce, that he hates their marriage. When given the opportunity to be exposed to my H in a distant land at a horribly stressful time in our lives, my mother had just died of a massive Brian aneurism , she took the situation and spent months trying to sexually seduce my husband. When that didn't work she became his friend and listened.....ha yah right!
Most other women think they did nothing worng. Mine justified her actions in texts she sent me after Dday when my husband refused to break no contact when she tried to reach out to him. It was then, when she contacted me that I got to say Everything I had wanted to say to her and more. It didn't do much good because she insisted she had done nothing worng and that I was making her out to be some sick seductress. I guess looking in the mirror was a bit enlightening after all!
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I felt the same way, I wanted people to know how horrible of a person this OW was. ( in my case, she was a 20 year old "missionary" and I wanted her parents to understand what she had actually been doing the entire time she was there; partying, cocaine binges, sleeping around etc). She had continued to torment me for 3 weeks after dday with calls, texts etc, so yes, I wanted her to hurt.
I'm not proud of it now, but I sent a letter to a few influential people in her life to inform them of the path she had taken while supposedly on this "mission trip", as she was set to return next year for the same purpose.
2 days later I got threatened with a non official cease and desist email stating that I was being threatened with a defamation of character lawsuit...so, that happened...
I sent her an email back saying that I would back off, and I haven't heard anything more.
My advice, if you feel so compelled to send letters, just get REALLY clear on the libel and slander rules, and don't commit them...otherwise, she could potentially take you to court.
I totally understand the urge though, but don't send any letters while you are enraged or highly emotional. That much I have learned.
D-Day May 1 2013
D-Day#2 Aug. 7th 2013
in R and working at it
As my lawyer would say: "It's not a good use of your energy or time."
And the other posters are right...the boss and the ex are not going to care. You are not telling the ex something about her character that he doesn't already know.And her boss hired her...he or she will not want to risk a lawsuit brought for firing her on hearsay and also their own reputation for hiring her in the first place.