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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just failed
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just failed at my 180.

I went on-line to look at the phone records. My WW has been away all week with my kids and her in-laws and texting and calling the prick of an OM.

She saw that I went in and changed the phone records password and I flipped out on her. Texted her that I am done. I want a D. Her reply "blah blah blah get a life". My reply, "I had one before you shit on me!"

They come back tomorrow. Fun.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 577 | Registered: Aug 2013
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just file for divorce. Be done. Fuck that bitch


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 635 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch. I'm sorry. She sounds very cruel.


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She just called and told me tomorrow she is taking me off the wireless plan. And then said she is not being abusive.

How do these cheaters don't see it as abusive? God!


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 577 | Registered: Aug 2013
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, lose the dead weight. Lots of WS get mad about snooping. All of them are shitty individuals for that anger...but to tell you to get a life? That is low. Really low. She sounds not only cruel, but also arrogant as fuck.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She can't take you off the wireless plan without your consent, they like to get paid. Contact the wireless company and reset the password. Then print everything out and keep it for a D lawyer.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - the arrogance is unreal. Keep your head up and see an attorney ASAP.

As an aside - if her name is the primary on the wireless account she CAN remove kg201 - no questions asked.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really care about the cell. I hate phones anyway.

She texted me to ask whether she would be safe with me when she returns home tomorrow. I responded by saying that she has never been in danger with me (in 18 years of being together I grabbed her by the arm once in anger, about 5 years ago, and I ended up in anger management from that). Her response word for word:

"I beg to differ. You made this choice in the last couple weeks with your erratic behavior that has made me physically ill with a life threatening infection. [She has a bacterial infection from her cancer treatments] The only peace I have had is this vacation. You are also the one who declared, "I am done." I just want to know what is going to happen tomorrow when we get home."

So her 3.5 year affair has nothing to do with my erratic behavior? How does someone you thought was a good person get so f'ed up? No remorse. No remorse. Ug.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 577 | Registered: Aug 2013
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quit responding. She is baiting you and setting you up now. She'll probably try to get a restraining order and have you removed from the house because she feels she is in "danger" and will have the texts to back her up.

Don't reply in writing and if you can, record your conversations so you have proof that you haven't threatened her.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13638 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*Crickets*

That's is all the response she deserves, IMO.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry kg - it is beyond frustrating and unreasonable - i will have another bourbon for you right now


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 840 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree VAR. I would respond something to the effect. I have not and will not in any way threaten you. The "erratic" behavior you speak of is heartbreak because of your affair. Your cheating on me is making me physically ill.

Copy every correspondence with her and keep it. She is trying to set a trap, you need to be ready. Sorry to sound so cynical, but with women the "I'm afraid of you" route seems to be a big trick in their cheater handbook! I am a woman, but you see it over and over again. I even have an ex-friend that started saying that crap to justify her cheating on her husband.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
CM86
♀ New Member
Member # 40331
Default  Posted: 3:09 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please please please save every little contact she has with you! She is trying to bait you! I've seen a female do this over and over again to my brother and each time HE has been arrested. Even when we were there and witnessed it all. She is a snake. Saying this doesn't make it easier on you and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Divorce will be good for you. Especially knowing with her attitude she will NEVER be happy. I agree with missy. Make sure it's in writing why you have "erratic" behavior too. That may help you in the future

Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Missouri
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Last night sucked.

I did send one final text saying something to the effect of "If the situation was reversed and I had started an affair 3.5 years ago on you and continued to do so, then you wouldn't have any erratic behavior?"

I've read on SI how the WS will say some amazing things to defend their behavior, but I am just incredulous that my wife is part of that club. The values and beliefs she is arguing for are so completely opposite of the woman I have seen for 18 years.

Anyway. Morning is here. She and the kids will be here later after a week away. And I need to start putting my 180 armor back on. The dents from last night are there, but maybe today I can do better.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 577 | Registered: Aug 2013
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Last night sucked.

I did send one final text saying something to the effect of "If the situation was reversed and I had started an affair 3.5 years ago on you and continued to do so, then you wouldn't have any erratic behavior?"

I've read on SI how the WS will say some amazing things to defend their behavior, but I am just incredulous that my wife is part of that club. The values and beliefs she is arguing for are so completely opposite of the woman I have seen for 18 years.

Anyway. Morning is here. She and the kids will be here later after a week away. And I need to start putting my 180 armor back on. The dents from last night are there, but maybe today I can do better.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 577 | Registered: Aug 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You best believe she is in the club and quickly, for your own protection.

....record your conversations so you have proof that you haven't threatened her.

^^ Get a VAR today! Now!

If she comes to some form of prior normalcy - fine, no harm - no foul. But protect yourself!! Everything you write imagine hearing in court - before you hit send.

Whoever she was, for the last 18 years (or I guess 15 of the last 18) she isn't that person right now! She is showing you who she is - believe her.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cancer or not, just dump her. she has become a danger to you! from what you have told us, I will guarantee you she is going to try to have you arrested


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2534 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 180 is doing no good; she probably welcomes it since she has no further interest in interacting with you. She is spiritually gone, enmeshed in the 3.5 year affair with the OM.

Ignoring her is probably a source of humor for her; she has the OM for emotional comfort and can talk to him for hours about what a thoughtless bastard you really are.

When there is no spark of love in her soul for you the 180 process is pointless. Seek legal help and end this marriage, or end up living for years in a relationship where your WW carries on with this affair, and eventually finds a way of evicting you from the home so she can move the OM in. This woman is your enemy and will exhibit an astonishing degree of cruelty in pursuit of her own selfish goals.


Posts: 1687 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So her 3.5 year affair has nothing to do with my erratic behavior?

Sorry, KG. This does seem to be a line out of the Cheaters Handbook. I got,the EXACT same word--"erratic"--and accusation. Any time I became angry over the course of my wife's two-year affair, I was accused of being "erratic." Horrible mind games and emotionally abusive to be sure.

File, file, file.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180 is just a phrase. The point is you know what she did and she basically threw it back in her face.

So what is your response?

Already you are negotiating, you're telling her if she was in your shoes blah blah, why?

She is openly disrespecting you. Remove the cheating, in a relationship it's a deal breaker.

So you've told her you want a divorce, are you going to follow through with it or as I suspect she thinks too, you're going to back track and try to nice your way out of this?


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

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