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User Topic: Just failed
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep getting back up on the 180 horse, and wear your dented armor proudly.
The 180 is for you only, and leads to detachment and NC from a remorseless schemer.

Do what ppl are telling you about the VAR, and get lawyered-up.
I'd go as far as getting my most treasured possessions and important papers out of the house and safe. In the hands of friends or family.
There is strong potential for you to lose everything. Act accordingly.

Posts: 6653 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this were me, I would be very cautious with any interaction I had with my WS. Honestly, it sounds to me like she is setting the stage to make claims that you were threatening her life. I would keep a VAR on me AT ALL TIMES. And I hope you have printed out all your evidence and put it somewhere safe, not in your home.

Also, I think it is incredibly shitty for her to blame her bacterial infection on your behaviour. Blameshifting at its absolute worst. Don't take that guilt on. Good luck.

Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.

Posts: 1679 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
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Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in complete agreement with jjct..I am afraid for you ...Move all of your treasured possessions away from her reach. Physically remove youself from any living situation with her..She may end up costing you your freedom and good reputation within your community.

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1257 | Registered: Nov 2011
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Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you may need to move out or move to a different part of the house. She is trying to set you up. See a lawyer as soon as possible.

Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re

Posts: 1743 | Registered: Apr 2007
♂ New Member
Member # 38330
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, speaking from experience; lost everything. Lucky or my guardian angel kept me from jail. I've learned how VAWA laws enrich lawyers and judges, and allow woman to unilaterally have you removed from your own homestead, just by saying "she felt threatened".

Restraining orders are the tools used to take the money from the fools. If your smart, take my advice. Take what you can, run. I mean, as in tonight. Go to your Mom. Don't be a fool.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: usedupmyhope
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Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with a previous few posters. This woman intends to set you up for a false DV claim. From a guy who has been through it myself I want to caution you. It does not matter what the truth is. Once she starts crying DV your ass is cooked. And unless you have hard evidence to the contrary, her accusation is all it takes to have you locked up, removed from your home and have life as you know it taken away from you. She will get a RO and you cant go anywhere near her, your home and your kids. But you still get the pleasure of paying all the bills. And don't think for one second she will not have the OM over while your legally kept away. You are walking a dangerous line with her. Law Enforcement takes DV very seriously. The laws were enacted to help the truly abused. But sadly many a WW have used it as a means to continue affairs without interference from you. Get your ass to a lawyer and file before she gets the chance to screw you over. And get yourself a VAR, keep it on you at all times when speaking to her. And if you have any evidence of her A I suggest you make copies and keep it in a secure place out of the home. Because if she gets you out of the house that shit will be gone. WS are very good liars. And if she tells a good story to the Police your going in. No if's and's or but's about that. And with a DV charge your guilty till proven innocent. That's just the plain fact my friend.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5732 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check out the laws in your state for use of a recording device. If you can use it without her consent, then do that. But if it's illegal to record her without her knowing, record, but tell you that you are doing so if that's the way your state's laws work.

It's amazing how vile people can become when going through this process. I was terrified of filing against my X, and then he exceeded my expectations.

Posts: 1275 | Registered: Aug 2010
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Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry KG but I have to agree with these other folks...your WW seems completely unremorseful and in total me mode. She sounds like someone who want D but doesn't want to file so is trying to push you into it, kind of a screwed up version of if he files then I can take him for more financially. The same with her claims of feeling unsafe, it is another way to try and get all she can financially. If she can claim DV the she can ask for money for pain and suffering. I don't know divorce laws for sure but trust a woman here...our minds can be truly devious if we want them to be. What she is trying to accomplish may not actually be possible when it comes to the law but that won't stop a devious mind once the plan is hashed out in their brain.

She is also in that zone of cancer survivor....I am alive so need to live like I am dying...I am #1 no one else matters. Trust me as a healthcare worker I have seen it before...these types of personalities can become very reckless. So protect yourself.

My advice....take it or leave it....To hell with a total 180. Go into stealth mode, and get your ducks in a row all the while treating yourself well. Kill her with kindness for now,even if you have to choke on it....this way she looses all of her ammunition. Once your ducks are in a row, file for D. If she wants to R and be with you then filing will shake her up enough to do it if not then you sound like a great guy and don't deserve her bullshit.

I hope you find your peace. (((hugs)))

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Stronger is right.

Protect yourself. Get a VAR.

Your wife is building a case against you. Go see an attorney today.

And file for D.


Posts: 902 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
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Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't reiterate enough what previous posters have said..It is possible to file and keep it secret until you are ready to have her served, I would do this if at all possible..And follow the advice of keeping a VAR handy, physially leave the house for a couple of weeks at a time,while you are talking to D lawyers and getting your ducks in a row,but don't stay away from the house long enough to lose your rights to it, lawyers can advise you on that issue.You might have to take frequent short trips away from home and return to it just long enough each time,so that WW won't be able to accuse you of abandonment..Get evidence of her A, and keep it in a safe place.Even in a no fault state, the proof of her A will diminish her credibility when it comes to her accusing you of this or that.

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1257 | Registered: Nov 2011
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Member # 40391
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alot of people have given some great advice, but I think you need to lawyer up and you need to do it today! Good Luck!

Me: 40 BH
Her: 36 WW
Clues Discovered - EA - May/June 2013.
D-Day - Confirmation of EA and discovery of PA - August 20, 2013.
4 to 5 month affair.
We are in recovery. Taking it a day a time.

Posts: 45 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: New York
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Member # 21737
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I beg to differ. You made this choice in the last couple weeks with your erratic behavior that has made me physically ill with a life threatening infection. [She has a bacterial infection from her cancer treatments] The only peace I have had is this vacation. You are also the one who declared, "I am done." I just want to know what is going to happen tomorrow when we get home."

I'm in the medical field and I have never heard of anyone catching a bacterial infection from someone else acting erratically. Wow. A new disease, who knew.

Posts: 1431 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Southern California
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