After filing, I went to the Recorder's office to file the Quit Claim to get him off the house as well as filed all the changes at the DMV for the toys that I am getting. It is all done except for the judge's signature. CS is a joke since he has been unemployed, but I knew that would be the case anyway, and I don't really need it (been supporting everyone for the past year anyway).
As I was doing all this I felt great relief. However, about an hour later I felt a horrific anxiety attack coming on - shaking, weak joints, neausa, etc. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Still fighting it. Possible reality setting in of a lost future and crushed dreams after an adrenaline rush? Don't know, but it sucks and I feel like I have been emotionally drained. DD22 came over (unexpected) and she saw me crying. That made me feel bad as I was alone otherwise. She asked what was wrong. I told her about the filing and that sometimes putting on the strong front is just too much at times. I didn't want any of them to witness the meltdown. God I hate this and the utter destruction that asshole has brought into our lives so unnecessarily!
*sigh* At least the end is now in sight and I will be able to cut that parasite out of my life and try to begin truly healing.
How can one day be so good and so horribly tragic at the same time? Rhetorical question, really.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
D-Day, June 10, 2012