[This message edited by nolight at 3:26 AM, August 24th (Saturday)]
To this day, nearly two years later, I suspect there could be an OC. We may (ETA:) be not given the "gift" of truth for a number years, but I don't think it's something that can always be hidden? There are clues, such as him working on a nursery but saying it's for a relative of OW??? and some other scheistery things...
Nearly ExH manipulated me, repeatedly, got out, and then manipulated OW as well...excepted that I booted him and she doesn't. He told her that he was a widower, but he was not.
It is also suspected that he had a visactemy over the course of the year, between rumors he started and ...activity he did.
And I myself am due to have a baby in four weeks and there is no WH here, he is ----there. So think it's similar to your story in some ways, with different angles.
In the meanwhile, OW manipulated him back and he accepts that. She threw him under the bus when he tried to come home and it was real, which sounds na´ve...and yet he accepts this kind of person.
I hope that you will feel better soon. FWIW, I've heard from various people that it takes several years for a person to truly feel healed...and it's not overnight, but a gradual journey, where we may feel pieces of a puzzle plugged in each day. Set backs come and go, but that's what I'm told...it doesn't hit us on the head like pots and pans, but it does come.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:32 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
Many of us have done that on various issues.
I never wanted my tubes tied. My WH insisted after our last child was born that I get my tubes tied and that if I didn't it meant that I was intending to leave him. He didn't want any more kids, but I did.
Basically, I allowed him to bully me in to tying my tubes. I should have said "no" and stood firm.
Now, he had multiple pregnancies "scares" with the OW and although we are supposedly in R, he refuses to get a vasectomy.
He can go out and start a new family, but I can not and HE was the one who didn't want any more kids.
There are sooo many other things I should have never allowed. I think the lack of children is one of yours.
I should have made every major decision thinking that my marriage was not permanent and NEVER NEVER NEVER made a choice based on the assumption that my marriage was forever.
I can only move forward in the future acting in the manner I should have always acted.
During his A, they were trying for a child. He held the tubal against me because I "took away his chance to be a father."
He still doesn't have children, and I regret the tubal, but not the divorce.