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User Topic: Push and Pull
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've already filed for D but I am in "wait and see" mode to see what my WS does with this time. He's begging me for another chance...but that's where things are getting confusing.
I have recently read the hoovering thread and in some ways I feel that's what may be going on.
When I have something to do or somewhere to be he constantly texts me telling me how much he loves me, is in love with me, wants to be with only me.
He is NC to my knowledge (3 weeks?) and at this point is not going back and forth between the 2 of us doing this.
My issue is that when I begin to see his changes and pull a little closer to him, the intense loving seems to pull back a little. He is still apologetic and understanding, doesn't get defensive, still tells me he loves me.
But the crazy romantic tear inducing sweetness calms to the point where I am like "what happened?"
Is it jus that he doesn't want me with someone else, doing other things?
When I am there with him he's not as desperate and emotional and frantic. In my mind it feels like he is pulling away.
I don't know if it's something I am reading into, or something that he's doing.
I don't want this crazy back and forth dynamic of push and pull.
I keep wondering if its that he truly loves me or that he just doesn't want anyone else to have me.
I have not rescinded the divorce papers. I also did mention to him a few days ago that I felt like things were moving too fast between us, so he could be reacting to that.
Has anyone experienced this type of situation?
Any insight?
I can give more details if necessary.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to this myperfectlife.
My WH also has been utterly remorseful, doing all the right things, is all loving and attentive - it makes me suspicious too. And yes I filed for divorce.
It is confusing when you know you have been betrayed and your WH has changed his tune.
Like you it's a wait and see game for me. I still find it hard to trust him (dont think I do.)
It's confusing as to what to make of the situation.
My only advice is to trust your gut. You know you and you know your WS. You can make a determination if he is genuine or playing you whilst D papers hang over his head.
Good luck with a difficult situation.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Astar.
I'm glad to know someone gets where I am coming from.
I spoke with him more about this today and he said part of him backing off a little is because of my upcoming reunion-he's not going with me.
He said he's been working on trying to handle that and not having a nervous breakdown.
I actually do kind of get that. He's really stressed out thinking I am going to hook up with someone while I am there.
Ironic eh?


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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