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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What would you ask the AP?
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had a couple interactions with AP (that she initiated) and all she did was lie the whole time. "She didn't mean to" (exactly how DOES one have sex by accident???) etc. So there would be absolutely no point in asking her anything else. It would just give her another chance to try to justify something for which there is no justification.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had a couple of interactions with her and her story doesn't add up (she says one thing that contradicts a fact I know to be true or contradicts something she already said) example: she told me my H was living with her for a month. And I have to wonder how that's possible when he slept at home every night, came home every night for dinner, spent majority of his time with me, all of his possessions were at OUR place, Did he frequent her apartment? possibly, but living with her? I don't think so. She takes facts and twists them so they cause as much pain as possible. I wouldn't ask her a thing, she's not worth the time.

[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 12:37 PM, August 26th (Monday)]


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have anything I would say to her. I was lucky enough to be able to talk to her after DDay#2 where she apologized (I think she was more pissed that he broke up with her, rather than being truly sorry, but whatever). I got a better time line, I got to find out some lies he told me, and I got to tell her she had no right to think she should have been the one to "save" him from himself.

I've talked to her a couple of times since, and one time actually got to watch her with her own WS and realized she is scared of him and they had much bigger problems than we had. Made me realize she was trying to find a way out of her own hell, and actually made me feel sorry for her. She must have no self esteem and she lost *everything* even though he was as much to blame as she was. In fact, he started the game of open marriage, swinging, having relationships on the side, etc.

So, at this point, I really don't have any more questions for her. A lot of my questions have been answered, but they truly weren't the answers I thought I'd find.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 248 | Registered: Aug 2013
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask her how she could be so selfish, how she could introduce her children to a situation that could only go badly, and how she feels now that he sent her that denigrating NC letter and realizes that her place in his life is like dog shit on the sole of his shoe?


Me BW, Him WH
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jul 2013
Reegz
♂ New Member
Member # 40391
Angry  Posted: 10:16 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what I would ask the AP. My wife brought him into our home and had me meet him, as he was a classmate of hers that I noticed she had alot of contact with via texts. My wife made a point to erase all of the texts and say that her smartphone didn't have enough room for all of the texts. She lied and got caught and we're now in recovery (R).

I'm sorry, I can't use the abbreviations, I don't always understand them and people make their own up.

I think I would ask him: Given how you have lost custody of your daughter and are not allowed to see her, were you trying to substitute my family for yours? When I asked you if you were having an affair with my wife and you lied to me about it, why did you lie? Who were you trying to protect? My wife who clearly told you it was over? How would you feel if a man came, took your partner/lover/friend and took advantage of them during a low point of the relationship? Are you afraid of me and what I could to you - physically, emotionally, with your coworkers, your family?


Me: 40 BH
Her: 36 WW
Clues Discovered - EA - May/June 2013.
D-Day - Confirmation of EA and discovery of PA - August 20, 2013.
4 to 5 month affair.
We are in recovery. Taking it a day a time.

Posts: 45 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: New York
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has sent several unsolicited emails. She is full of shit and lies up the wazoo. Aside from that she is nothing and deserves only my contempt. She is despicable and evil...

I would not give her the time of day much less ask "it"a question.

[This message edited by whattheh at 11:50 AM, August 26th (Monday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadwife has a good question tho
I would ask her how she could be so selfish, how she could introduce her children to a situation that could only go badly, and how she feels now that he sent her that denigrating NC letter and realizes that her place in his life is like dog shit on the sole of his shoe?

Because now she's made a complete ass of herself (in front of her kids, my kids, my H and H's parents.) Dumbass.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would you mind if I slept with your wife?


(The question is what I would ask him, not what I would actually do)


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I SENT HER THIS NOTE:

> There was a man who felt bad about himself.
> He needed an ego boost, someone to be attracted to him, to make him feel good about himself.
> To fill a gap in his life.
> You said you could "add" something special to his life. Enlighten him, Fulfill him in ways he needed.
> Introduce him to a fantasy world where he gets everything he wants
> That gap however is in his soul, the gap is how worthless he feels about himself
> You thought you had the best of him, but really you were accepting the worst of him.
> His lies, his deception, his neediness
> To fill the horrible gap in yourself, you were searching for something too
> Something your "enlightened" lifestyle doesn't and won't ever provide you
> You fool yourself into thinking you are strong and secure; but inside you feel worthless, unlovable, weak, pathetic
> I asked him what you "Added" to his life exactly and he couldn't answer it
> you are weak and injured and selfish and narsisstic and stupid
> the only one with worse self esteem than him is you
>
> I could see it in your eyes when you had the sick need to come into my house to meet me
> You came to size me up
> But when you left, you knew and I knew the pecking order,
> you don't compare to me, you knew I was a better woman than you would ever be
> And maybe then was the moment you realized how pathetic and cheap and typical your affair was
> He doesn't really love you
> It was sex and excitement and neediness and trying to fill your mutual insecurity
> And If you truly loved him, you wouldn't have let him risk the rest of his life
> Now the life he knew was over
> And the life you knew was over
> You might think you will have a life with him because he can't repair what he did to our family
> But he will only realize how he horribly he traded down with you
> and resent you and hate you for all he lost
> And then you both have nothing
> but especially you
>
>


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose I'd have to ask her if it sucks being a fat ass stalker constantly waiting in the shadows for an opportunity to pounce.

I'd probably also ask her if it sucks REAL bad to know that she only got her coveted 'prize' by default - my ex begged me numerous times to change my mind and stay when I was making plans to leave. I told him 'no,' so he went to Plan B - the fat-ass whore.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1804 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have nothing that I want to ask OW.
I would want to ask her mother (demented as she is) why she didnt strangle her POS daughter at birth...
Cant believe how much I actually hate someone else.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im over 2 years out and my response to this question is the same as it was 2 weeks after Dday...I have nothing to ask AP. He is, was, and forever will be irrelevant. My issue was with my STBXW and that's even resolved now. Did I daydream about killing him for a few weeks, sure, but he owed me nothing. My STBXW was the one that made the vows to me and AP is just a loser that chooses to prey on weak minded people that have extremely poor boundaries. People like him will never be happy.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'ld ask OW how it was enjoying the fantastic, amazing sexual mind movies that my husband and I make all the time.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Blameitontherain
♀ Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask why after two "dates" and believing WH was divorced would she still sleep with him after he confessed to being married, loving me, and never would leave me? How could she see pics of myself, child and home life and not realize how fucking wrong it would be. (Personally I believe she saw my life and wanted it for herself and two kids. She could make him leave me. Ha! Her vagina was that magical) How could you sleep with a man who was using you for only sex?

Clearly she has some issues.


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
Nicnac
♀ Member
Member # 40131
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was contacted by the AP. She was the one who told me about the affair, a fun way to find out, huh? I asked her a lot of questions, but then she started getting really chummy with me, asking me about how my husband was at home, how we were doing, how I was handling everything, stuff like that, and I stopped talking to her. Then she deactivated the FB profile she had created in order to talk to me. And now it is back.

I don't understand why it is reactivated. She hasn't tried to contact me, but i keep wanted to ask her more questions. It has been a month since DDay, and almost a month since the last message I've sent to her. For some reason I want more answers but I don't even know what questions I want answers to...


Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
Fire96
♂ Member
Member # 34131
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had many questions, but it came down to one simple question........

Was it worth it?

Was it worth destroying our marriage, my kids, and our extended families?

Was it worth the pain and heartache of the destruction/divorce she caused in the other family?

Was it worth her integrity?

Was it worth poisoning our memories and our favorite places we had?

Was it worth desecrating our marriage vows and shredding the Ten Commandments?

Yep, of all of the things I asked, and she answered, this is what it boils down to.,,

Four simple words..........

Was It Worth It?


Me, BS-54
WW-49
DD, 1/9/2011

Posts: 179 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 3:35 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fire summed it up...

Was it worth it?

Was it worth destroying our marriage, my kids, and our extended families?

Was it worth the pain and heartache of the destruction/divorce she caused in the other family?

Was it worth her integrity?

Was it worth poisoning our memories and our favorite places we had?

Was it worth desecrating our marriage vows and shredding the Ten Commandments?

Yep, of all of the things I asked, and she answered, this is what it boils down to.,,

Four simple words..........

Was It Worth It?


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1182 | Registered: Apr 2013
momwith2boys
♀ New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup my question would be was it worth it too?
She was my friend of six years. She through away our friendship, her marriage. Our kids were best friends but nobody thought about how it was going to affect them.
I would also like to know how she can look me in the face all the months during the affair and lie to me!!


Me BW 35
husband 35
Married 10 years, together 13 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (7 & 3)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 35 | Registered: Nov 2012
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ow, why are you utterly lacking in self-respect?


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
LonelyHusband
♂ Member
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry, remind me, who are you?"

I decided a while back that there is only a finite amount of room in my head, and there are too many wondrous things in the world for me to reserve a permanent space in my head for the OM.


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 63
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