I have read posts, profiles and responses to posts. I can not believe how even though the circumstances are different. Whether it was a long term A, a ONS, an online A, an A with a prostitute, a PA, an EA, or whatever, they are all the same.
If the WS wants to reconcile, they all have pretty much the same story. They are sorry, the BS means everything to them, they don't want to lose the bs or the kids, or the lives they have, their M are the most important thing to them, blah, blah ,blah.
They will go to MC, IC, even SA counseling, because they must be sex addicts if they were willing to cheat, I do not believe in sex addiction, but to each his own. If any one could be considered a sex addict, my wh could, but I won't tell that story here, it's not mine to tell, who knows, maybe one day I will be so pissed at wh and so done with him, I will tell, but I hope I never sink that low, lol.
All I know is this, we as bs's can't all be that bad that we drove the ws to have an A. I know that all of them don't say that, mine didn't, but that's the way it seems. The ws's life was so bad that they needed someone to make them feel good about them self, some one to look up to them so they could be a hero, some one they could save, or in my case and the many others like mine where prostitutes were involved, they needed something for them selves. Something to make them feel powerful and in control.
Why can't I read on here that one man or one woman who had an A just tell the freakin truth and say, I had an A because I am a selfish person that thinks I can do what I want, when I want, to whom ever I want BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER FIND OUT.
Just the truth as I see it.
I had an A because I am a selfish person that thinks I can do what I want, when I want, to whom ever I want BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER FIND OUT.
After many TT days.... This is what my husband finally confessed.... Sorry to hear you are going through this as well
I mean from the very beginning, no trying to rationalize and explain it away. I read these stories here and I feel so badly for everyone, but more so than others. It seems some bs's try so hard to believe what the ws is telling them and even when they post and other's tell them, it probably isn't what it seems to be, they defend the ws and cling to the hope that they are telling the truth.
I suppose I did the same thing, but I do not believe my ws, I doubt I ever will. I even asked about taking a poly and the MC told me he wasn't a criminal and that those were used for criminals. She also wanted to know if I planned to use it against him in court, to which I replied you can't use the results in court, at least not in the state we live in, but I wanted him to take one any way.
I had an A because I am a selfish person that thinks I can do what I want, when I want, to whom ever I want.
For me, it was just the above. Which is a pretty darn good example of how a narcissist thinks..
Generalizations really don't work in life, nor on an infidelity website. While it helps some to just hang on to the fact that their WS was "just selfish", others aren't satisfied with that and want to get to the root and help the WS work through their issue. I would guess that if they truly do come to realize that there isn't another reason for their WS other than just pure selfishness, then they have to ask themselves if they want to stay with such a selfish person that they would risk the BS's life just because they wanted to.
He told me and others, "Oh, it was only going to be a fling, but it didn't end."
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
[This message edited by scaredyKat at 11:22 PM, August 26th (Monday)]
I had an A because I am a selfish person that thinks I can do what I want, when I want, to whom ever I want BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER FIND OUT
This is basically what my WH said on Dday.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Really??!! No shit. Now tell me something I didn't know.