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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this how it begins?
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

traildad - you're fantastic! this is great even if nothing comes of it. this would be one of my favorite ways to meet someone. simple, fun, genuine...can't beat that!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8452 | Registered: Apr 2008
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woohoo! Good job.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a great, great story!

So happy for you traildad!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2594 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
traildad
♂ Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I really hesitated to share all the details of something like this when so many are going through such pain in the JFO, General, and DS forums. Then I realized we sometimes hold back the positive things that happen in our lives. Almost like we are ashamed to have good things happen, or we let fear control us, and we become afraid that the good times won't last. This leads to us being exposed to more negative than positive news, and that's just depressing. So I offer my story in great detail to give hope to those that are hurting, and to let others know that it's ok to celebrate our happiness. I have been through great pain, I confronted it, let myself feel it, and heal through it. Now I am letting myself really feel the opposite, the joy side. I will continue to share this story as it unfolds for those that are interested.

The chain of events that led me being in that checkout lane are beyond comprehension. I am going to enjoy this ride no matter where it leads.

On a different, yet slightly related note. Finding a stable place to live has proven to be a challenge for me and the kids since the D. We left the marital home a year ago and sold it, we couldn't afford to stay there. We moved to a condo near my parents, but 25 minutes from the kids' school and their friends, etc. The drive has been taxing on all of us, as has been living in a tny condo, where the kids all share a little bedroom. No friends around either. So I've really been hoping for a solution to present itself to remedy this. Last weekend an old neighbor down the street from my marital home contacts me out of nowhere and asks if I would like to rent his home for the next 2-3 years! A beautiful home on the same block as all of my kids' friends, just 10 min from school! For nearly the same price as my condo! The only catch, he needed me to sign a two year lease almost immediately, as he was purchasing another home. So I took it. Ill be moving back to my old neighborhood in the next month.

The irony is I just met someone wonderful two blocks away, and I am moving 15 min away in a month. These events have unfolded like this for a reason, exactly how they will all play out is anyone's guess, but I'm gonna enjoy watching it happen.


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have really really enjoyed reading this thread so PLEASE keep us updated!

Don't feel guilty for one second about posting something positive, it really helps to hear that things can turn around and that things really do get better. It sounds like you have been through hell, you survived, and came out the other side so you deserve all the happiness in the world! I think I may be a little further along than a lot of people in the JFO so that is why I come here to NB, and I am also just starting to date again so this post gives me hope :)

It seems that things are finally coming together for you and that is great news about the house. 15 minutes away is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I hope things continue to go your way


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Traildad...You appear to be a good and sincere man (yes there are some out there) and I hope it all works out for you. I have a feeling it will.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 572 | Registered: Jun 2011
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great news all around Traildad. Keep updating us.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3421 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't you dare hold back on updates!

One of the things that helped me most post d-day was hopping over to NB and seeing happiness didn't end after S/D.

I'm sure there are a lot of people that will be lurking on this one, cheering you on, and taking vicarious pleasure. Don't deprive the lurkers of their joy!


Posts: 3397 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
traildad
♂ Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ill be sure to update this thread throughout the journey :)

Now on to bridging the gap for 2.5 weeks until the date. How often to text/call? Keep things fresh and front of mind without overdoing it.


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you're right asurvivor. I haven't met one yet :p

traildad, those 2.5 weeks will fly by. I am not sure how often you should text. I think just do what feels normal to you. Maybe start out with a text tomorrow and see how she responds to it and whether it's easy for the two of you to keep the conversation going?


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww, good luck! Your story made me smile.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6768 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man! I wish a guy would do this to me in public! I can't tell you how many times I would run into a cutie pie in the grocery store and (being the woman) was too damn nervous to say anything and of course the guy not say anything and the moment passes.....

GOOD LUCK!!! Keep us posted!!! Definitely don't wait too long! Coming from dealing with a poofer....women who are truly interested will be delighted to hear from you the sooner the better! (maybe not from your car after you pack the groceries...but in the next day or so! )


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2722 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a 15 minute gap between you could be the blessing. Too close and you have no privacy? It would be a little much for me, but a fifteen minute drive or the 10 minute spot in between is just enough to build anticipation before you meet.

As for your communication question: Do you text? Does she? Is daily banter something you do with friends? I think it is fine to keep communication low key until you actually meet up. But you have already "met" and know if the "potential for chemistry" is there.... so investing in some verbal build up before the date might be fun!!

You had no trouble with an hour plus conversation. When do you want to talk to her again?

So happy you did share. It is fun to celebrate with others!!

And congrats on the move to a house that seems to negate the drawbacks of the condo!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
traildad
♂ Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a 15 minute gap between you could be the blessing.

I'm feeling this too, being within walking distance creates a lot of pressure for sure.

Two independently amazing events occurred in my life in the same week, at first both seeming to be in contradiction with each other, but perhaps less so than first appears.

As for communication, we exchanged a few texts today, low key, it felt natural after a nice conversation last night. No communication would've seemed off. We both have expressed interest in speaking again soon. I can see a phone call in 3-4 days.

I love the input everyone, truly amazing.


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweet story! I don't think 15 minutes is too long of a trip - seems just about right for the sake of privacy.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5191 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust me traildad--there are some of us who are literally dying to hear a positive story. It doesn't have to be my story to make me smile--it's enough for me to know that at least someone who has been through what we have is again!

That's great news about your new place. 15 minutes is a perfect transition time. Long enough to let go of what you were busy doing before but not long enough to get too nervous about what you're on your way to.

I so love when the good karma bus swings by our SI friends. Please, please keep us updated. I am loving this story!


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2119 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, it just gives the rest of us hope! I would much prefer to meet someone "the old fashioned way" rather than OLD. It just doesn't seem...practical? I think when I'm out with my kids, I have the "back off" vibe on. When I'm alone, I'm generally studying. I have had guys approach me when I'm studying...every single one has had a wedding back on.

So...keep posting!

How about schedule a phone call? I've had guys do that. A text saying, "Would you have time to talk on XXX around 8pm?" Then, I don't expect texting in between, it pulls the pressure off of both of us.

I think having some space between the person I'm dating is good. There are a few single Dads in my 'hood...and I avoid them like the plague.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4153 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
traildad
♂ Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Conversation #2 - over 2 hours! First date still 2 weeks out, but the build up is gonna be strong. Getting a feeling about this one...


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this thread so much... I'm a huge believer in things working out the way they're supposed to. And I too think 15 minutes is perfect.

Happy for you.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're cheering from the sidelines.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
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