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User Topic: Can there be an A with no affection?
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hard to say, personally, I couldn't have sex without affection but, some maybe some people can.

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40440
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband cheated on me 5 years ago with a woman he would meet in other cities. It was as if he dated her. She was quite disgusting. We went through the arguing and for about 9months to a year and I decided I did not want to be unhappy. So I told him if he did this again, it would be over. I was not going to be weak and "trigger" or deny that we ever had fun. So he knows my place and we are great now. I honestly don't see him doing this again. I feel by keeping this private , we are able to move on passed it. I had to know he is a good provider and actually a nice person when he is not out of his mind. My only advice is to make new exciting memories and just move on from what happened. If he does it again- Be Done! Men are not like women and I get that now.

We were married for 3 years prior and had a 1 year old baby girl. we are now married 8 years and have 4 kids.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Arlington, VA
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there is always some degree of affection. Maybe "affection" is not the right term. Even in cases where it's sex with no romantic intent, it's usually equal emotionally to finding an honest car mechanic or a good dry cleaner.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40131
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH's affair was not long-term. It lasted a month. They slept together once a week for 4 weeks. I know they met one other time during that when they didn't have sex.

I can kind of believe that it was just sex with no emotions if I knew it had been only sex. If there had been no daily communication or no kissing or anything like that, but there was. Before they ever even had sex they were making out in her car. To me, kissing is a very affectionate act. Plus they texted a lot. So much that she felt special and definitely began to have feelings for him.

Maybe my husband kept his feelings out of it, but whatever he did when they weren't actually f***ing felt like affection to her.

Perhaps there can be affairs with no affection, but my husband's was not one of them.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ That's why prostitutes don't allow kissing. It's too intimate.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are precious few women who'll put up with being some married guy's dirty little secret for absolutely NO payoff whatsoever. Why would they waste their time with some cold, rotten, unemotional and unaffectionate guy?

It seems impossible. I would have thought it was impossible, but it turns out there are plenty of women like this.

Here are some reasons why OW would be that desperate:

She is too messed-up to attract a normal guy and will take whatever she can get.

She grew up abused and unwanted, and has an intense fear of being alone and/or abandoned.

She has never been with a healthy guy, so has no idea what real affection or desire looks and feels like.

She isn't capable of true intimacy or warmth (personality disorder), so the drama and intensity of an adultery is her substitute.

She has no self-worth and doesn't expect WH to value her either.

In our case, OW literally blackmailed fWH into sex at the end. She threatened to tell me or his work colleagues if he stopped. We're talking mechanical, missionary sex with no stimulation or O for her. Who would want that? But when the NC letter came, OW threatened suicide.

Our MC told us that this is more common than you would think. These OW's will hang on to a man, any man, by any means . . .

People involved in affairs are to some degree mentally unhealthy. In our case, the degree was high!

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our situation fit exactly what Sailorgirl describes above.

[This message edited by whattheh at 10:31 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 565 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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