It is what it is.
You need to check every inch of the house, inside and out.
Agreed, and not just for those videos. From what that sick person has been doing, it sounds like there are a LOT of things hidden all over. Things you might not even know about. Might as well go through everything. Are there any safe people close by - friends, family, fellow SIers - who can be supportive if you need? (((hugs))) Sending my amazing, strong cleric friend (you) some ranger/sorceress magic to cleanse your home with healing rain and sunlight to eliminate all shadows!
I wonder..if you went to the police and told them everything..and about your garage of horrors..and that you are afraid there is something illegal in there...if they would help you?
Im worried that YOU don't know it's there..but he does..and he could turn you in.
Or maybe Im just paranoid?
I worry about you,NG.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
None of that would help me in the moment should he file a false report & have me arrested. This information would only help me get out of jail quickly & then destroy him legally for the false arrest. Assuming he hadn't kidnapped the kids & gone into the wind with them. Can you tell this is something I've had long conversations with my lawyer about already?
I checked around the water heater last night and in a bedroom dresser he used to use. Nothing there. I suspect that maybe the crawl space under the house might have been a hiding spot, based on the door mysteriously coming open by itself.
My friend's husband had his possessions (mafia loan-sharking books) above the rafters in the garage.
Or if you watch Amish Mafia....you learn you can hide $5,000 in a door frame so a video would definitely fit in there.
IDK - when my Ex made visits back to the house, he made sure I knew he was there. I change all the house locks to come home to find the front door wide open. I put up new, locking garage doors and came home to find both wide open. So I would assume your x was the one in the crawl-space.
[This message edited by EvenKeel at 2:21 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
I did search the entrance to the attic as well as under the house. No videos were found.
I reckon this little list you found is his way of torturing you.
Why would someone so calculated and psychotic accidentally leave something so incriminating yet at the same time something that, by itself, isn't enough to do jack shit about it?
I think you're being played friend. I think he did it deliberately to make you feel exactly like this. Gaslighting - the movie - remember?
I would not put it past him to put something on one of the kids media. Not to conceal them from you but rather to have you inadvertently expose your children to that.
That is his kick - it is not about sex or vanilla vs sick-as-fuck. It is about terrorising, controlling, impacting, abusing. You.
You are the mark.
I remember being 10/11 - the last time I saw my father. We had left him a year or so prior and were in hiding. One night he smashed through our 4th storey window in the middle of the night and started punching my mum who was asleep, upright in an armchair with a butchers knife in her hands. She had been doing that the entire time.
He then took me into my bedroom where my 2-3 y/o sister was sleeping - he had a rifle. He then barricaded the door whilst my mother went bat-shit crazy trying to get in.
He didn't do anything to us. We all just sat there. I looked at his face and I saw joy. Even at that age I understood we weren't the target. She was. He would have hurt us to hurt her if she didn't give him that reaction he wanted. I will never get the sound my mum was making out of my head. I know my baby sister was screaming her head off but I don't hear it - I can still hear my mothers screams.
Think on this NG. What will you gain by finding anything. Put it all in a box and send it to the cops with a note saying this is me and this is the X and this is what I fear you might find in this mixed media.
I might be completely off the mark but I have a strong feeling that your need to 'find' something is your part to play in his sick dance - a part you are playing so well and so diligently because of the years you spend under his abuse. You have been trained to do so.
Why didn't my mum run out and call the neighbours? Call the cops - call anyone.
Fear was a part of it - mothers instinct was another part. IMHO a big part of it was that that was the role she was trained to play.
Please know I am aware I am projecting massively here so please don't take any of this as an insult. You know you have been and are a survivor of abuse. I have to wonder if there is a part of his playbook you haven't yet considered.
Nature Girl, I trigger when I read your posts as I literally spent a year clearing out his things and moving EVERYTHING he owned to the garage as I found so much porn loaded on disks with no labeling that I was worried my DS8 would get ahold of it accidentally. I just packed up everything that wasn't definitely mine in boxes and put it out.
I don't have any suggestions for you...just hugs as finding out that you are married to such a sick freak makes your skin crawl in ways you cannot believe.
I seriously would take the time to go through every square inch of your home, to remove any remenant of him. That's just the way I am. I would rent a big dumpster, and just start pitching. Going through all the little nooks and crannys, drop ceilings, toilet tanks, dead spots in walls, like below where the electral panel is. Those have a frame, and there is space below between the two studs, same with the dryer vent, and water faucets for the washer. Look for any loose boards, that he may have a space between the floor and sub floor. If you have medicine cabnets that are inset in the walls if they are loose, same thing, empty space between the studs. Jacuzzi tub, usually have an access door to the pump, lots a space under there, depending on the shape of the tub.
I know the way my brain works, and I would do it all just to know there is nothing left to find. Then you can some peace.
Sending you lots and lots of strength
I found them cause rain stained some of the tiles. He also put them in the office in between files because they are so thin.
Another place, where I hide vidoe games from my kids is in the pockets of work clothes hanging in my closet, suits, etc.
I had to go through a similar "search" after my WH died, because I inherited the house and I KNEW he had tons of porn around (mostly B&D, but some harder stuff too.) I didn't have any kids to worry about, but the house and most of the personal property were being auctioned. Once I got out the worst stuff that was where I figured it would be, I just told the auction guys who went through everything being sold to look for and destroy whatever porn they found. (Embarassing!) Knowing my late H's pack-rat habits, I could just envision some hapless auction-goer picking up a book on LINUX programming and having pictures of bound-and-gagged women fall out.
Holy Shit, SBB. ((((((you kids and your mom))))))
"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."