[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:56 AM, August 26th (Monday)]
What is it exactly that you're wanting us to help you with? I'm unclear since you've moved on with your OM.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
You're trading down and questioning why you don't feel good about it. You know why.
That which we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
In my four months on SI I've seen countless threads where the WS said ILYBINILWY to the BS on his/her way out the door...and regretted it weeks or months later. Realized that once they have to actually *live* with the OP, the glow quickly fades.
What makes you think you're going to stop this...
making others happy while being so unhappy myself
...a change of address?
Consider for a moment that unless you figure out why you...
checking out of my marriage emotionally years ago and not giving my STBX a chance
...you may be doomed to repeat it.
Also think: how will you feel when your children walk down the aisle to get married, or get their high school diplomas? BH will be sitting there with his loving, classy second wife--someone by the time your 13-y.o. graduates college, he/she may be calling "Mom." Since, you know, she'll be living with your children instead of you. Great guys BH's age are a rare commodity and he won't last a year once he starts dating.
And where will you be in 10 years? Will your "soulmate" still be by your side? Remember, sweetie, cheaters cheat, and studies show only 10-25% of marriages started as affairs actually make it.
I am so sad reading your story. So sad that you're throwing it all away, and you don't even know it. So sad that your "happiness" will probably be short-lived, but could cost your children--and theirs--very dearly.
You calling husband a good guy is painting him as a victim of circumstance, that he just got chewed up in the gears of destiny! a mere extra in the story of true love.
You need to re-read your post.
Pay special attention to the justifying you do. It's easy to find. Start with living so many years making others happy, blah blah. It almost sounds like you being a parent had something to do with your infidelity. We all have to clean up after fido. Please pull your head out of the sand.
[This message edited by Apple3point14 at 2:12 PM, August 26th (Monday)]