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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: At least I'll have sparkly toilets
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Firstly let me say that I have no problem with wanting a relationship whatever your circumstance…clear and simple.

I’m a single dad and my daughter who lives with me is the most important person in my life …she is going into her tenth grade. At this particular time, I do not want or need another relationship and definitely not one while I still have her at home. Quite frankly, she has enough to deal with without me bringing another woman into her life at the moment. I find it amazing that people that do not seem to understand this.

My friends are constantly telling me that I need to meet this one or that one…no I f-ing don’t. I’m happy, extremely happy not being in a relationship and for that I feel very grateful as my kid really needs me to be there for her at this time.
Now this doesn't mean I don’t wish to have the company of a woman now and then and it has absolutely nothing to do with sex which I also have put on hold. But, I’m about to say screw it (no “that’s what she said” jokes) because lately I’m starting to feel that I need to go into all of this stuff on a first date. It’s a first frigging date. Sometimes it actually does seem like a job interview. Hey, I have nothing against relationships and wanting one but come on….

Geez, I would hate to think of what it would be like if I was actually that great of catch.

Doesn't anyone just relax and enjoy a night out once in awhile?

I think after writing and rereading this post that I figured something out… that maybe I need to simply clean the bathrooms when my daughter is on her weekend sleepovers.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 562 | Registered: Jun 2011
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Asurvivor,

I understand. I have gone out for a total of 4 dates with 4 different men. Two of them after the first date wanted to know if I was interested in them? I felt pressure. I had just met them for the first time. I wasn't going to commit to anything more than at most a phone call or another date.

I am not interested in a serious relationship. I would however, enjoy meeting men my age and do things together. I always got to know someone before I labeled anything a relationship or even dating.

I think some people don't know how to just have fun, be in the moment and want to have an instant relationship.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 745 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The "problem" is you are simply in a different place than most. You want to go out and have fun? Then go! Many people are looking for relationships, you simply need to find the people that match your wants.

If you are on OLD, and you clearly state you are looking for "friends only" or "casual dating only", then someone like me is going to just skip over your profile. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. If a guy tells me he only wants casual...then I just back slowly away. It doesn't suit my personality. Nothing wrong with me...nothing wrong with him. Just a different perspective, and part of "dating" is looking for someone similar.

You sound frustrated.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4141 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any friends to hang out with when your DD is at her sleepover? Meetup groups are always doing different things. Find your interest and attend one in your area.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5069 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound frustrated.

I thought that was a requirement to be in here...just kidding.

Oh and I also thought when I first started reading posts that OLD was about age...not kidding. But no I am not nor do I want to be OLDING.

What I do want to know is what's the difference between a casual first date and one that isn't. I may be wrong but it seems to me if you are going to meet someone (especially for the first time) with the the hope and a check list for a long term relationship you are setting yourself up for disappointment. From what I have heard the on line thing resume is usually BS anyway. It may happen but I think these things usually happen by fate and chance and cupid shooting his bow...Ok skip that last one but when the right one is there it usually is

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
...well at least until about 7 years later.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 562 | Registered: Jun 2011
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there are plenty of men and women both that wouldn't mind casual friendship dating. The hard part is how to find each other. I don't like the idea of OLD either but I'm not sure how else you would find out, up front, that a woman was on the same page as you.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5120 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I'm not sure how else you would find out, up front, that a woman was on the same page as you.

well to be honest I don't think there have ever been that many women on the same page with me and I think finding someone on the same page is difficult for everyone. I think that is only a problem if we want to make it one. I know I'm going against the flow and will probably get slammed but I think your odds of finding someone through a want add is pretty slim. How do I think you or I will find someone...the same way you found your last one. Whoops maybe not.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 562 | Registered: Jun 2011
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I do want to know is what's the difference between a casual first date and one that isn't. I may be wrong but it seems to me if you are going to meet someone (especially for the first time) with the the hope and a check list for a long term relationship you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Simply from my perspective, I do have "basics" I am looking for...nothing unusual; health, single Dad, at least some education, sense of humor, job, and emotionally fairly healthy. Pretty much what everyone is looking for in a partner...right?

So, I am pursuing two different degrees simultaneously, a single Mom with primary custody, one kid that has to be in a soccer field 3 days a week, a house to take care of. The arranging I need to go on a date is..complicated. If I can help it, I'm not going to waste my time on a guy I know has no long term potential. I'd rather hang out with my girlfriends on "down weekends" instead of wasting time with a guy who isn't really interested in getting to know me. Kinda like, "If you aren't interested, sit down so I can see the one behind you."

For you? Communication is the key. I would actually think OLD would be a good place for you to "advertise" what you are looking for. You may just find a like minded woman.

I did go out with one guy that wanted to multidate, was very open about it, and wanted to include me in "the mix". We had long discussions about it, but it just wasn't a match for me (for this reason, and others). We did go out 3 times, and had a 4 hour phone call. I knew after the first date he only wanted casual. I gave it the college try, just...not for me. Therefore, I ended it.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4141 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
newnormal
♀ Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guilty as charged. If I read a Craigslist ad from a nice looking guy in platonic who only wants to go camping, and not sex, I think yea, right. And move on.


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For you? Communication is the key. I would actually think OLD would be a good place for you to "advertise" what you are looking for. You may just find a like minded woman.

Nah...Every guy I know that does the online thing says every woman he meets no matter what the resume has a kid in rehab and a car that won't start and from reading what the ladies say it looks just as grim on that side of the ledger. What is written and what is... seem to be two different things. Plus like I said, I don't need a woman right now and as of today I've decided that having the cleanest commodes West of those at O'Hare international could be a good thing and with a lot less aggravation.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 562 | Registered: Jun 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meetup.com


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9658 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do I think you or I will find someone...the same way you found your last one. Whoops maybe not.

Gotta admit that made me laugh! I'm pretty damn certain I won't meet another man the same way I met X, but that's just because my life is very different 30 years later! Jeez, every time I realize it was that long ago, yikes. Surreal!

[This message edited by kernel at 9:00 PM, August 26th (Monday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5120 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you are at "mix" with yourself asurvivor. You are content being alone right now and don't feel like going through the motions of dating, but yet would like to have some companionship once in a while. And who doesn't?

I have two teens and I totally get not wanting to complicate life with adding dating into the mix. Life with teens is like life with a toddler sometimes.

But yeah it gets lonely at times and it would be nice.

I actually have a date tomorrow, but I'm not even putting much on it. I am just going to have a drink and hopefully get to know a little more about him.

And yeah, I have sparkly and a clean house every other weekend.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25540 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 13

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