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User Topic: Is it really just this simple?
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the multiple posts - having a bad day clearly. Going on a year of this nightmare. So much time spent learning. For what? If we boil it all down - all it takes is one simple thing.

I was thinking about when we tell my youngest, almost 11 YO DD. She is a smart cookie who tells it like it is. I can see me explaining - WH (he is her stepdad) has lied to me our entire relationship, he had an affair, I tired for a year to heal and he was still lying. I can TOTALLY see her just asking him point blank - "Why didn't you just stop?". It really is that simple isn't it? We don't need books and articles. We need honesty. I am saying this as a fWW and a BW. Had I been honest, with myself and my SAEXW/BH, I wouldn't have cheated. If my WH had been honest with me, we wouldn't be here, trying to sort out life after his affair. If my WH had been honest, I wouldn't be sitting here at almost a year finding out more lies STILL. Honesty. It really is that simple isn't it?


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really is just that simple!!!

HONESTY

(((All of us)))


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2560 | Registered: Aug 2012
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes!!!!!!

I told my WS when OW invited him over our FOUR year old would have known it was wrong!!!! He was a complete idiot who couldn't see how wrong he was until it was too late! UGH!!! I tell him what hurts the most was that he COULD have walked away - could have just stopped!!!! No one had a gun to his head, it is just that simple!!!!!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is "Why did it ever start?????"

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
krazy8516
♀ Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is where that saying comes in, "So simple, only a child can do it."

As adults, our lives become more and more difficult by default. But the truth is, we make our lives way more difficult than they have to be. We do stupid things that further complicate our lives; then, even when there's a simple fix (i.e. honesty), we lie and deceive and play games.

It's sad that it takes a child to see the simplicity of a relationship that is well beyond their years.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sodamnlost)))

It is that simple and I too understand it from both sides of the fence.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is "Why did it ever start?????"

Because they were not honest - with themselves first, then with us. Seriously - that's all it boils down to. So sad that it is that simple. I will be divorced again because of this simplicity being missing. Weather he gets it or not now or in the future - I am just too exhausted to keep trying. I have no more fight.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly that simple. Integrity is a choice not a feeling.

People think if they have a feeling they have to act on it. It really is as simple as saying no, and going home to your family.

Having the impulse to cheat is already one huge problem. Acting on it takes it to a destructive level.

My WHs refusal to walk away has taught me a lot not only about him, but about following my head rather than my heart in different areas of my life as well.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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