We dealt with this big time. I, as the BS, had to come clean with the fact that several of my H's old behaviors made me feel like he was selfish. It was the hardest thing for me to do really because I had repressed those feelings for almost 30 years. Having been taught to be the "good wife" by both my mother and mother in law, I had never learned to open up and express what was making me unhappy. In doing so I became just like your wife. My resentment was so deep I couldn't even see it as resentment until the A was revield and our MC/IC helped us dig out the bad parts of our marriage.
Now I know not to repress even the smallest of things. We talk about EVERYTHING. Disolusionment, resentment and internalizing the small stuff is how we got to where we were. Had my hubby known half of the stuff that turly, deeply bothered me he would have been happy to change some of it. Oh how silly we were to keep things stuck unresolved.
Now I can honestly say my passion and love of my husband has been renewed with a vengance....and all because I was finally released from the grip of holding it all in for the better good.
Thankfully my husband does not have the job he did have now. The one that required him to be away from me and the family weeks on end, month after month, year after year. My advise to you is make her feel special, feel that she is worth more then the job. Can you invite her along on a trip or two? Show her you really want to be with her.
TMe: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!