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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to deal with a stbxh without losing your mind??
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I feel HORRIBLE for acting out in front of the kids. Absolutely like shit.

Been there, done that. This is a lot for anyone to deal with. Forgive yourself and move on. The kids will be ok, I promise.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, today we had our appointment with a Divorce Therapist for Separating Parents.

I had the upper hand for sure. It was nice validation that this lady gently sided with me on most of his crazy allegations.

She asked us about possibility of reconciliation and he said "she said she hates me and wishes I were dead, there is no chance..." and the therapist said "well, she has a right to be angry, that is the anger talking." and he kept sticking with the story that it is about me hating him not him choosing this... I said, "you are just trying to justify leaving the marraige and your family" and he said no, blah, blah, blah. I think there is no chance of me wanting any reconciliation, but I at least want to feel like I am making that choice- for what it is worth.

REgarding the kids, she said why rush it with them....NO SHIT, I have been saying that to him. But no, he wants to rush right into getting his fair share of the kids time and bringing them to his place.

Therapist validated that all of this needs to get slowed way down, best for everyone. The kids don't need to start doing overnights and get rushed into it. She told us we can talk to them about a change in the family, but said NOT to say we are getting divorced. So, we are going to do that, probably Monday after my DD's bday party on Saturday.

She also told him that he is going to have to tell them as close to the truth as possible, that he broke his vows and made mistakes that are going to impact the family. And then he cried. Boohooboohoo. I said "you should cry, this is all your choices and all because of you"

I said, "you have shown no remorse" and he started talking about himself again. "I haven't slept or eaten, I have lost 20 lbs and I am taking responsibility and I am remorseful, but you won't let me comfort you" boo hoo boo hoo.

I said, "No, you have not shown real remorse. Real remorse would have been saying that you are truly and deeply sorry for all of this and that you are ending your affair, nver talking to that person again and begging for my forgiveness and doing whatever possible to get your family back." To me, that would be true remorse. "You have not done that, have you?" and he said "No, I have not."

So, there it is. Therapist asked if he was in this other relationship and he said yes, but they are not seeing eachother right now. She said he shouldn't be involved with her and that he definately can not have the kids around her. Duhh. I think she saw right through him.

She asked him about the marraige and he said something like "well, obvioulsy I hadn't been happy in the marraige for a long time if I did something like this...." well, of course it must be the marraige right? Because it couldn't be his own broken self?? Might of helped to mention all this unhappiness before f**king an old whore from a sex chat room.

I had another good one. He said, you are making all these crazy allegations. I said like what? You said I gave you an STD. I said, "well, if you had sex with a 50 year old woman you met in a sex chat room who is in an open marraige and her husband is also promiscious, I am going to assume there have been alot of things put in that old "hole" over the years and I am pretty sure I am at risk given all the people she and her husband have had sex with..."
He is trying to humanize this Byotch with the therapist, he says " well, she has only been in an open marraige for 5 years and she is splitting from her husband because he wants to have a wilder life than what she is comfortable with and I know since we met, she has only been with me...."

barf. throw up in my mouth. puke. what a delutional messed up tool!

I left there empowered. I hold all the cards and he has got "nothin'" and I am not going to give him what he wants. It will not be easy. It will not be quick. I am going to drag this out to my advantage for a long time....

I am detaching and turning into a great actress. I am smarter. More resourceful. and definately stronger. FU STBXH!!!!!

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What things have to happen to the WS/WW/WH/ make them see how crazy they are acting and the impact to so many others of their actions??

I do not want R, but I want some remorse. I want him to feel bad so I get what I want in the D.

For any of you that ever had them come out of their "fog" or realize what an EPIC catastrophe they have created....what triggered that awakening?? or do they just live in denial forever...

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 23
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