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Newest Member: howcanyou (44619)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I texted her!!!
onelove27
♀ New Member
Member # 40339
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im not sure how many followed my other posts. But after a night of crying, I took his phone and texted this other woman. Well I know i shouldn't do it. But I thought she needed to know what was on my mind. Well to my surprise, she knows I exist. I didnt get into details all I asked her to was to stop. The next day I had an amazing day with my SO but not for long, I guess he called her because she wasnt answering his text messages and she told him what I had said to her the night before. And he came back to me and told me im immature and childish for doing things like these. I was angry, but mostly upset. I couldn't believe he was siding with this other woman, well and he finally said it, the reason why i'm looking to talk to other women is because i'm unhappy. well anyone could've guessed that, I'M COMPLETELY AT LOST. I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME!. I don't know what to do. He wont stop yet he wont leave, he doesnt want to work things out. but he doesn't feel he needs to go away. I told him millions of times hes hurting me. and our kids. but he doesn't care. I don't know what to do. this is my house and I don't feel like I need to run out and find a place for my pregnant self and my 5 year old daughter. I really dont know what else to do. I need help suggestions ANYTHING HELPS... BUT PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME...

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: California
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that you're here.

If its your house, you tell him to leave. Pack his shit in hefty bags and put them on the porch. And then file for child support.

You deserve better.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7515 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs)))

Well first, just breathe.

I'm a little more than a month past DDay and just figuring out that this mess doesn't get sorted out in a few days...no matter how hard you push, how much you cry, how many times you tell him it hurts....

Cry it out, take a look at the 180 (I can't even believe I'm saying that...never thought I could do it!)...one thing I will say about the 180 is too oh do the parts that resonate with you. I don't agree with the whole list, so I do the things that seem meaningful to me.

I'm so sorry you're here.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1822 | Registered: Aug 2013
MammaMia
♀ Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent you a private message


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 857 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Onelove27,

I concur with Williesmom.

It takes an extra-special, despicable piece of shit to fuck-around on a woman who is pregnant with their child. Right now he should have the paternal instinct to be ever-more-so protective of you BECAUSE you are carrying his legacy.

Instead, he is knowingly putting you in mental anguish because he wants to dick around with someone he met on the fucking Internet?

Ok, time to re-evaluate and redistribute your emotional energy here:

You are pregnant - with yours and his child.

He is NOT protecting you - nor is he protecting yours/his child. Your mental and emotional stress is hurting THIS BABY.

Time for YOU to take matters into YOUR OWN hands because HE IS NOT being a father by any stretch.

Let some of your anguish and pain turn to controlled anger and do so with a cold, steely, demeanor.

Consult with an attorney and file a petition with the court for child support. Do this first and don't tell him before hand. Let him be served with the petition.

Next, if it is indeed your house then calmly advise him that he needs to pack his shit and leave the premises. If he gives you any shit then tell him you will be advising the local police that you are an unwanted party in your home that is refusing to leave and you need help in extracting him.

Tell him that only after he has been in verifiable non-contact whatsoever with this woman for at least a month that you may consider discussing any possibility of reconciling - after he begins individual counseling to find out why the fuck he would behave like this in the first place.

Personally, he sounds like he belongs on the Jerry Springer or Maury Povich stage - and that's no place for you or your baby.

You both deserve, and can do better than this.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 359 | Registered: May 2012
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are here but since you asked I suggest that you relax as much as you can since you are pregnant . He is not your husband at this moment he is a stranger who looks like him. He doesn't respect you and doesn't care ! He has told you he is not happy and he is cheating with zero remorse! I know it's hard ,believe me my d day was 5 months now with no remorse at all from my stbxw not even a text ! And I have two young children so I feel your pain. I think you need to get him out of the house first, go down to family court and tell them the situation . I never thought I would say this because my stbxw did it to me but she obviously lied. It worked for her , the cops came that night and threw me out of my own home and I haven't been back in since . You need to focus on you! Call a lawyer learn your rights which you have a lot as a pregnant woman. Focus on kids , read the 180 and create distance from him. Do not show him weakness as hard as that is right now.take a breather and decide what YOU want to happen . Then act I wish you the best and I am sorry you are here but you are not alone! Take care of those kids please.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 622 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((onelove)))

I'm sorry you find yourself here.

Better get with a lawyer, learn your rights.

I wouldn't look to him for help right now, he wont.

Eat, drink, sleep, hold your daughter close.

You'll make it.

Do you have family to help you?? Friends??

Keep coming back here for help and support. If we have to be in this situation, here is a good place to share.

take care of you,,,,


Posts: 543 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

onelove...

I know someone who is a divorce attorney.

She said it's really temporary insanity that the WS do this type of thing to their families.

Please do not keep this a secret . Call your family,, his family, pastor. GET SUPPORT..


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2033 | Registered: Jan 2012
onelove27
♀ New Member
Member # 40339
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for all the support. All of you have given me a lot to think about. First and formost this man is not my H we have never been married. We do have children. And that's my main concern. I'm doing everything in my power to stay calm for the baby inside me and the one out here. I've given him a week to leave the house. He is to sleep in our daughters room. I am not speaking to him. I'm staying away from him. He knows my weakness is having him near me. I've always been attracted to him. And sex is one of my things. He's not allowed in my room or near me. And I promised my self not to blame me for this. I know I've done my best to keep our relationship alive. But I also know no one deserves this..

Also what is the 180 can someonr explain it to me?


Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: California
endlessabsurdity
Member
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife asked for a divorce, continued her affair in front of me, and asked to stay in our family home until the divorce would be complete. I told her that was unacceptable. I could not accept her staying in our family home when she was the one breaking our family. I could not accept her continuing to benefit from the lifestyle I provide while actively engaging in an affair with another man.

I believe I did several effective things to encourage her to leave. I made it absolutely clear that under no circumstances would I ever leave. I continued conducting surveillance and made it obvious that I would know exactly what she was doing until she left. I had exposed the affair by that point, and I told her that I would invite people over to the house including family, friends, and others. I needed them there for support, and under the circumstances, she would have felt increasingly uncomfortable. I also just asked her to leave and explained that I wasn't trying to make life difficult just to be difficult. I simply could not allow her to actively engage in an affair and continue staying in our home.

If these measures had not been effective, I would have attempted to engage her in frequent conversations about our relationship and the affair. She did not like having these conversations, and her fallback was usually to threaten to leave. She had left a few times in the past, so this probably would have made her uncomfortable enough to stay away.

The morning I actually asked her not to return home, she had stayed overnight at the OM's house. By coincidence, I texted her shortly after she left his house to return to our home. I'm sure she could not deny that what she was doing was wrong and that what I was requesting was perfectly reasonable under the circumstances. Though my wife showed almost know remorse, I'm pretty sure she was ashamed of herself at moments like these. Thankfully, she respected my request and did not return home.

Hopefully, something I did will work for you as well. I know how you feel. Stay strong. You can make it through this.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because this man is not your husband does not mean that he will not have to pay you child support. Take him for everything you can get out of him...it will be less money he has to spend on the homewrecker once he is out of your house. Your children are entitled to it!! Also, I realize that him not being your husband doesn't make this any less painful. Take care of yourself and your children. Get the support of family and friends. It is amazing how much stronger you are when you realize you are not alone. I am so glad you found this site, although I'm sorry you had to. Sending hugs your way!!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
1ost0ne
♂ Member
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've gotten some great advice

If its your house, you tell him to leave.
Consult with an attorney
Focus on kids , read the 180
Keep coming back here for help and support.
do not keep this a secret . Call your family,, his family, pastor.
Stay strong. You can make it through this.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((OneLove)))

First of all, I'm so sorry you are going through this. There are several of us on here who are pregnant and discovered our SOs are cheating, lying dirtbags. I really do understand how painful this is. Please, do your best to take care of yourself. Read and post here often. This place has helped keep me sane the past 3 weeks.

Your SO is a massive piece of shit. Flush him away. Contact a lawyer ASAP about child support and getting him out of the house. As keptmyword said, do not tell him you are doing this. You want to keep the upper hand and stay in control.

Read up on and implement the 180.

You are strong and you can do this.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just bumped the post entitled "Understanding the 180" to the top of the page. Read it and ask as many questions as you need to. I've found everyone here amazingly supportive and helpful.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
onelove27
♀ New Member
Member # 40339
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before I went to bed last night. I read the 180 and I can honestly say this has been the best advice I have gotten ever in my whole life. And I started implementing it asap.. and well.. guess what.. he's actually feeling the effects of the 180. Its only been a couple of hours. But I usually get up when he does because I'm hungry so I get some very early breakfast and I sat in my livingroom quietly eating. And he kept trying to start conversations. And my responses where so little that he asked if I was ok. I said yes I'm fine I'm just hungry.. and he said oh ok. After that I put the plate in the sink and went to bed. He said ok. I'm leaving and I said bye. Thought he was out the door but he walked into my room and asked if I had a drs appt today. I said no. And he stood there he leand to kiss me goodbye. . To which I did not respond. And also said text me.. let me know if ur ok... haha. I felt so good.. I fell back asleep immediately hehe..

Posts: 8 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: California
Topic Posts: 15

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