The minute she started staying out all night with dates and leaving me to supervise her children without asking, I would have told her she had to find a new place to live.
I would give her notice. Since she is a friend, it is a very awkward situation- but it has been a year, and that is what she agreed to. Hopefully she has found some other options or living opportunities.
If she continues to live in the home and keep it in the disgusting state she is currently, it is negatively going to affect YOU, your rent, and your kids.
Having her ex around is not safe for your children and not good for you.
I can understand the depression, I really can, but is no excuse to act the way she has been and treat you the way she has been. She is a parent, and needs to make the girls her first priority. I think you have been more than patient.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
I think you are in the "waaaay too nice" camp. The bottom line, she made these choices. Hell, we've all been there. My world collapsed, but I didn't break down. She chose, depression or not, to act this way. Now she is drowning in "I need a new man to fix me", therefore bringing around people that think her situation is OK. Plus a drug addicted ex? No way in hell I'd continue to expose my kids.
Part of my NB was learning to put myself, and my kids first. I don't care who I hurt, or who I have to say "No!" to; myself and my kids first. No one else is going to, it is up to me.
If you lose the friendship, then it wasn't that strong. Time for her to go.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
The other day she told me: 'I am an adult woman and it is nobody's business when I stay out at night.' and I thought to myself 'well, you might be an adult but not a grown-up and it is my business when I end up being the only adult in the house for your children.' God forbid something would have happened and I would have been responsible for them.
Here is one last story I need to share and vent about so you understand why I am so livid:
One evening she came home, all rushed and told me she quickly needed to feed the kids before heading out on a date at 08.30 p.m. with a new man from match.com. I ended up making food for everybody (stupid, stupid me) and she fixed herself up and headed out. Both her girls were at the house. At 1.30 a.m. I hear sounds downstairs, but there is no sign of her car or her. I knock and her 15 year is sitting in bed, crying and having a panic attack over her mother not being home in the middle of the week in the middle of the night. We tried to call her and text her - no response. Finally, after not being able to go back to sleep much she texts her daughter back at around 5.30 a.m. that after he date with the new guy she went to spend the night with another guy from match.com who lives one village over. However, since she does not have cellphone reception there she could not check in or receive her calls and messages. She did not return until about 6.30 am, just to take a shower and head out to work. That night, when she came home I read her the riot act and told her how unacceptable the behavior was and that next time I would call the cops on her. She stayed home one night, just to repeat the same thing for the next 2 weeks.
She is trying to give me the guilt trip right now, so is her oldest daughter who did not even greet me today and at the same time she is trying to play the 'poor me, but I will change' card.
Well, we have been down that road already multiple times, no more.
[This message edited by fraeuken at 9:35 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
I am far from perfect, but the example she is setting for her children, is horrible. I feel bad for the kids, but your family has to be your priority. ((Hugs))
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
She can do those things because she knows you will be there as the parent figure for her children. By allowing her to stay in the house, you are enabling her behavior. She is causing her own problems, not you.
That is how I felt as a BS, and now as a single Mom...my ex always simply did as he pleased because I was the responsible parent. He never had to worry. Still doesn't. I am still the responsible parent.