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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: On the other side
pappabear
♂ Member
Member # 26301
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good mooring everybody,

For the longest time I was a BS....now I a a Wh :( Is this where I can post....sorry a little confused but I think I have a lot to bring to the table....expecially for all BS


BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Travis AFB CA
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure, but I'd love to hear what you have to say,

Maybe a moderator will let you know soon.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2033 | Registered: Jan 2012
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pappabear...

A moderator sent you the Madhatter rules so please pick the forum and 'hat' you're wearing to post under


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197051 | Registered: May 2002
MystiKay
♀ Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious. Sense you are a mad hatter have you gone back and read your posts form when you were a BS? And compaired what you felt then to what you feel now?

Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2012
pappabear
♂ Member
Member # 26301
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I have; I am ending the A tonight. Believe it or not this relationship I had even though it was short finally gave me closure. I no longer think about her A and become upset because I understand. It makes you feel young again; it was nothing she did wrong; it was purley selfish. Please do not get me wrong I am not saying that having an A yourself is the cure, it just happened. When I do tell my wife it will be in full detail and I will beg for her forgiveness. I will not keep it from her.


BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Travis AFB CA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it gave you *closure*? What, because now you're *even*?
Are you kidding me???


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7884 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm disturbed by this post, pappabear. You don't even feel remorse? You had a "relationship" while married and feel ok about that? I think what you did was have an RA. And, the point of an RA is precisely to tell your wife all the details. I think you should dig deeper. Do you like yourself now? Would you be proud if your kids knew? Would you understand if your wife did it again, and felt younger?


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6086 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Papa, I responded to your post in Wayward but this:

it was nothing she did wrong; it was purley selfish.

Wait....what??!! I can't even...so she was innocent but selfish? Are we talking about the same person? An adult, right? Not a two year old. Did you accidently mean for that sentence to go towards a text regarding a child in another forum or personal text to someone you know? I mean....for the love of....*smh*

Eta: I'm guessing you're saying that because you feel it applies to you as well.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 11:44 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
pappabear
♂ Member
Member # 26301
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I do not feel closure because I feel *even*...I just understand...it's hard to resist. Few more minutes my W will be home and I will tell her. This sucks!!! I know now how she felt when she told me...but I will not leave out anything...get it right the first time. I hope she beleives me that there was no sex...there is no reason for me to lie here.


BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Travis AFB CA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not saying that having an A yourself is the cure, it just happened
No it didn't! You fed it. You chose it. You made it happen. It was a decision.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9513 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry but I wouldn't even want to put my worst enemy through the hell I'be been through...let alone my WS. If I want to feel "young" I will go hang out in a nursing home.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I want to feel "young" I will go hang out in a nursing home.

This made me chuckle...in the middle of a post that was mostly making me sick.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 304 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm always trying to be more understanding of individuals and not lump people into generalizations and be more forgiving.

May I ask a question as a BS?

Do you think "it's hard to resist" was true for you now because you knew about her A? Do you think this A for you would have happened without that knowledge?


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
pappabear
♂ Member
Member # 26301
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do :( I didn't come to that conclusion until after


BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Travis AFB CA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

----posting as a member----
it just happened
Huge cop out. It didn't just happen. You made choices that landed you where you are. Until you can own those choices and stop looking at this as something that just occurred, you really WON'T get it. At all.

ETA: Also, please consider updating your tagline to reflect your madhatter status. I know many folks rely on the tagline to understand the poster's situation and perspective when responding to threads.

[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 2:00 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24789 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May I ask another question?

Did you ever contemplate and RA or fantasize about an RA?


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
pappabear
♂ Member
Member # 26301
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I did coniplate a RA...never did it but I did think about it...and yes it just happened believe it or not...her husband has ignored her for two years...she was in tears and I got scared and held her...she looked up and kissed me...we kissed for at least 5 minutes...it felt amazing....I am not ashamed of saying that....but I am done....and I am ashamed of what I did....but still care about the AP....


BH-35
WW-35
D-Day 15 August 2009
2 kids 7 and 17

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Travis AFB CA
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had you known each other a long time?

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

her husband has ignored her for two years
How do you know? Do you live with them? Or is that what she told you? You do know that cheaters are also liars right?

So she was scared and you kissed her. Why did you kiss her? Do you kiss all scared women you meet?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6127 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know? Do you live with them?


Sorry...that was a good one


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197051 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

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