A lot of people here use google calendar to co-ordinate pick-up/drop-offs.
You'll get used to the indifference - practice it.
The hard part is having to see my WS on a daily basis. I can cycle through my feelings in a day, a week, an hour, or even just in a matter of a few seconds. Something I have been thinking about 2 days earlier can all of a sudden pop up right before we meet f2f.
I'm starting to just feel sorry for him as a person for the messed up life he has made for himself. It's really hard to not be angry, resentful, or bitter.
All I can say is that it really does take ONE DAY AT A TIME. I don't know if I want to be the nicest girl...super cordial...civil...when he's up and abandoned me, but I have to do what I have to do for my son.
My hope is that he becomes a non-entity. Just another person I have to interact with in my day and not all of the things he was before, is now, and what he represents.
He's just the guy who drops off the baby for me after work. Right now that's all I can say to myself to stop me from outwardly expressing my dissatisfaction with who he is as a person.
When we have seen eachother I can not even look at him, nor he at me. He hangs his head in shame.
I know I have to be civil for the sake of the kids. On Monday when he picked them up, I even let him in the house. Made him stand there and wait for the little one to come down. He was very uncomfortable.
I was not overly cordial or overly rude, but just treated him like a worker or chauffer hired to drive the kids to their after school activities. I only spoke to the kids. When he dropped them off, I started talking to the kids and as he was saying bye and I love you I let the door swing shut- and they didn't even notice that he was still talking to them.
It was great. There he stood at the door to the house, in the garage. The kids, the dog, the dinner, the family all on the inside. He was on the outside, staring at a slammed door.
A metaphor for his life. You are on the outside of this family now F**Ker.
In time I may be nicer if it is good for the kids, but honestly all this highly coordinated blended family co-parenting crap takes two people that can communicate and are willing to deal with eachother. I doubt I will be able to do that.
I have always said of other people who split up, I don't know how people do it. When your married and have kids, it is even hard to agree all the time on how to raise them how to handle things with them. Then you get Divorced and they have one life with one and one life with the other, it is messy and crappy. It is a SHIT STORM of EPIC proportion. It sucks for the person who did not chose this and even worse IT sucks MOST for the kids. Why do they have to be inconvenienced because they have a SHIT HEAD for a father who ruined it for everyone.
Well, maybe I am still a little bitter....ya think!
In a previous post last Friday I describe how she was pissed off at my "erratic behavior" the previous 3 weeks (My Dday was the 28th of July).
I wonder why my behavior might be so erratic. Hmmm. I wonder. Could it be? [Queue Dana Carvey] SATAN?
Anyway. I'm feeling more in control this evening than this morning.
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling more in control. It's hard to believe but IT DOES GET BETTER! Continue to focus on YOUR healing and rebuilding your new life and continue to be there for your children.
In the early days I was so full of rage I would throw up after having to see his revolting face. Then it eased to a sick feeling in my stomach and nowadays I forget I have to see him until I get there then it's an 'ugh' leaning towards a 'meh'.
Can you do anything about the in-house? That sounds like hell - pure hell. I did it for 8 hideous weeks and it was sheer hell. You would not believe the seismic change I felt when I no longer had to see him. That's when my BS fog cleared the most.
What is best for the kids is a happy and healing dad - I don't know how you can do that with your current arrangement. It would have kept me in the crazy for sure.
I promise it won't always feel this strong or this bad. I never believed it when people said it to me because I was so full of rage and hurt I just could not imagine it ever easing. But its so true - it eased then stopped. I did hardcore NC then the 'fake it till you make it' for a few months and one day I realised I wasn't faking it.
I did in-house separation for 14 months. It was pure hell. I lost 35 pounds and was always on pins and needles because of her unremorsefulness. She even began putting paint samples on my master bedroom wall in an attempt to erase me from her life and also torture me too I'm sure. We didn't argue so much as we didn't speak. Nor would I look at her. I think it was really hard on our son, but she wasn't willing to do what "normal and compassionate" person would do and go stay at her parent's two miles away.
Your kids will accept it more than you know if you can afford to do it. You just aren't going to recover unless you stop seeing her. And if you do divorce are you going to keep doing this rotation?....my guess is no. It took many people telling me that before I believed it. They were right.
[This message edited by SeanFLA at 9:34 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley