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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: more lies discovered
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday, OW texts me that WH was the one who pursued her, told her he was getting divorced, and let me know that his "timeline" on 8/9/13, where he stated he only had sex with her once, was a lie. WH then tells me they had sex 9-10 Times, that he had her in our home twice last year while I was out of town, and fucked her in our bed.
I'm devastated again. I can't believe this is the man I fell in love with and married. It's been over four months and I feel like I'm at square one.

I can't take this pain over and over and over. Why can't he tell me everything so I don't have this hanging over my head?

I've told him that for me to stay, we have to sell this house and buy a new mattress. I was just beginning to come to terms with the fake timeline and feel like I could begin to heal.

[This message edited by Sadwife222 at 12:33 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I am so sorry. The trickle truth is a real killer.

Question. How did she know he made a timeline and how did she know what was in it?


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6353 | Registered: Jan 2011
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im so sorry. It sounds like he never went NC with her,since she seems to have current info.

In your bed? And he has allowed you to continue to lay in that bed? That is just..so cruel.

I'll leave it at that..since you posted this in the R forum.

Im just so sorry. Im crying with you. I had TT at 2.5 years into "R." And it does set you back,almost to square one. But you know how to handle this now..you have the benefit of SI..and an army of people here to support you.

(((((((((sadwife)))))))))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7276 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wasn't aware of the timeline but I asked her to confirm what he had told me and she told me he lied. She also told me he lied to her and she will never speak to him again or trust him.

The only good part was she confirmed there has been NC for "months".


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both for your compassion and empathy. This forum, and all you good people, has helped me through this nightmare I never thought I'd be in.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there, sadwife. I think your rollercoaster will take a pretty massive dip after this. Your healing timeline basically starts all over. For four months your husband let you believe things that were untrue. Looked you in the eyes and lied. We all know how that feels.

Be very careful to hold his feet to the fire after this. He really needs to know that the truth needs to be out, now, or you WILL reconsider remaining in this relationship with him.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6353 | Registered: Jan 2011
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will be ok. You *will be* ok.

What is he doing/saying?

I told my WH,after dday#3, that I needed to see him do "more." And I had no idea what that MORE was..just he needed to do more. Because I was done carrying us. I had been doing the majority of the heavy lifting and I was.done. He needed to step it up. I put that burden on his shoulders..and I've been watching his actions..because his words mean nothing right now.

It is very hard to recover from this kind of lie. These kinds of lies. But you can do it. When you feel stronger. For now..it's ok to cry. It's ok to be mad.

Take care of you. Read the 180. Let him figure out what he needs to do.

And have that bed out of your house before you go to sleep tonight. I'd drag it outside and set fire to it(Im a little angry these days). But get it out of your house.

Block the OW. She is only calling to cause you pain. Your WH has done a bang up job of that...you don't need any more TT coming from her...your WH needs to tell you everything..now. Right now. Otherwise,it is going to come out..bit by bit..and it is nothing short of torture.

Big,big hugs.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7276 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sadwife222)))

I am so sorry for the pain you must be in just know you are not alone in this. Many of us are or have been where you are at. I was TT to death. I ended up becoming my own investigator and I found out the truth on my own. Take it one breath at a time.

Yes this does set the clock back unfortunately and it also further ruins any previous trust built back. If anything I believe trust goes into the negative zone at this point.

If you have friends or a counselor I always advise to keep them nearby


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry. Keep taking deep breathes and try to clear your head a bit before making any major decisions.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so heartbreaking that he brought OW into my sanctuary, where I read SI and watch my favorite TV shows. Her head was on my pillow while my WH had sex with her.

When I came back from my trip, I found a toothbrush package in the trash under his sink. No new toothbrush was around. I'm pretty sure they slept the whole night in my bed and he gave her a toothbrush in the morning.

It's all so sickening.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((sadwife)))))))))

That is an ongoing nightmare come true.... I am SO SORRY you have to go through this!

I feel just sick to my stomach for you. How can a WS be that cruel? I just don't get it.

Awful, awful, awful. I like the mattress burning idea.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 650 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
brokendancer7
♀ Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry this crap is happening in your life!

I can identify with your situation. OW #1 got it in our bed. That was trickle truthed out after about a week. WH had to fork out for a new $2,000 mattress. Crime doesn't pay.

Recent OW got laid in the guest room on the 20 year old mattress. Supposedly. Seriously though, it's a violation, like a break-in. Your own home shouldn't have to be filled with triggers.

Why don't people realize how soul-crushing the lies are?


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 186 | Registered: Jul 2013
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. This is why I now have a new king sized bed. He denies that he brought her to my house, but some things you just KNOW.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7513 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sadwife222))) TT really sucks. So sorry.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5631 | Registered: Aug 2007
Topic Posts: 14

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