My WS says that he sees his affair as an exit affair. That he wanted a divorce before he had the affair.
Change "divorce" for "escape", and it starts making sense. My WH has had many parallel sentiments, although he told his OW she was the reason he wanted a divorce, instead of telling me.
So, perhaps pre-affair he wanted to escape - really from himself and situation and feelings - but so much easier to blame it on "the marriage", which he might have felt belonged mostly to you anyhow. This would register on the surface and in retrospect as wanting a divorce, especially if no introspection had taken place.
He's bouncing the blame of ending the relationship around. First, to the you, then to her. Always either pushed or pulled away from the marriage. Seems like a convenient way to reduce his responsibility for damaging the relationship to me.BS: me - 36
WH: him - 36
DD: 5 mos
Married over 9 years, together for 18.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).