Now I am just flabbergasted that a fart could stir it all back up.
fWW had not worn make-up for a very long time. Then one day she started to wear it last year. Turns out, she was wearing it for OM.
Now she wears it again everydat and I love it, but the days she forgets or doesn't feel like it triggers me and makes me feel unworthy of the extra effort.
[This message edited by SecondHelping at 2:40 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
WS told me that he also farted in front of OW. She made a big deal about how disgusting it was and how she would change his diet. (Funny thing - we eat reasonably healthy and OW lives on mac and cheese.) In a small way, I like to think that he saw this as a negative against her.
Some feel that for your spouse to be able to pass gas comfortably in front of you suggests a kind of intimacy and they would be hurt if their WS was that comfortable with the AP.
Others feel it is just very disrespectful and disgusting behaviour.
And others just view it as a bodily function, a fart is a fart.
I didn't want to know what my FWH did in regards to his passing gas.
What I do know is that FWH is very comfortable passing gas in my presence. Now, at this point in our marriage, I am used to it. I don't like it, but I am not usually offended, either. I was shocked at first when we started living together.
We were much more discreet in our very large (8 children) family, that was how we were raised. FWH, not so much. But, he never passed gas in front of me until we started living together. He said he was always in pain whilst dating me from all the gas he was holding in.
Anyway, integritymatters thread got me to thinking about this. I told FWH that from now on whenever he passes gas in my presence he must tell me he loves me. And, he does. I am guaranteed at least one "I love you, Milkshake" everyday, but I always get more, depending upon what he ate recently. BTW, he tells me he loves me everyday when he isn't passing gas, too.
I turned a potential trigger into something positive. Some of the members decided to try the "I love you" with their spouse, too. Maybe you could try this, Blameitontherain, with your wh. It has actually turned into something special between us and we giggle about it now.
eta: MisterSister just walked into the kitchen. Guess what folks? He loves me!
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 4:58 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Farting a much quieter and more reasonable event these days....
Stupid but it is a trigger for me as it showed he had a separate behaviour for her.
I told my H about the "ILU" whenever he farts, and that he needed to say it ( never told him where I got the idea )
To this day, also like SMS I am guaranteed a few ILU's every day
SisterMilkShake -love your idea....am telling my H tomorrow I have a new option for him.
For years I have asked my H to say excuse me and he teases me waiting to say it.....an 'I love you' rather than 'excuse me' is much more fun for both of us! We are heading on a long drive for the holiday weekend, so I'm sure I'll get many extra 'I love yous'!
Living together all these years there are a lot of things we've shared that are probably TMI so I'm not putting them here, but that is the beauty of living a lifetime together. NO OW could ever even come close to what H and I have shared as a married couple throughout these years, even through the bad times.
Farts are just gas. According to my H the OW had to smell them too as H told me he is 'old and farty'....in the end, OW may have smelled his farts but she didn't end up with much more than that.....
We're no help for you. He'll fart and then we'll both break into song "(so blow me a kiss) And that's lucky toooo!) He blows a short, sharp one, and we start looking for the barking spiders! The deadly soundless but lethal ones get us both blaming the Cat. And God forbid that I should pass gas (which tends to be the silent but lethal ones), because he starts tickling me, chanting "Ha! Poot! Ha! Poot!" because I tend to pass gas when I'm laughing.
It's sometimes like a boy's dorm room here in this house.....
D-Day, June 10, 2012
But then again, I think he sees that now.
[This message edited by ccw82 at 11:27 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
Farting is definitely a trigger for me, as are any number of other little things that WS does quite naturally...
I feel that during the A I was treated with utter disrespect, while OW was respected and treated like someone of great value and importance, now every time he does something that I perceive as disrespectful, something he would never have done in front of OW, it takes me back to that "place" in my heart where I feel worthless and disrespected in his eyes. In my head I know it's not true, these are things that most married couples feel comfortable doing in front of one another, my heart just needs to catch up with my head on this!
We have been together 21 years now (minus last year's 10 month separation). I have NEVER heard him and he has NEVER heard me. If my kids are rude about it, they get talked to about having manners.
I guess each family has their own comfort level though...
As I said, I didn't like it, but I also wasn't offended. This is who he is, I am not perfect either. It was a battle not worth fighting, and the kids think (thought) Dad's farts are (were) hilarious!
At least now I get something good out of it.
This has always bothered me and he knows it but never bothered to change it no matter how many times I said something. Something that bothered me before, affair thrown in, thoughts of he would never do this to her, feeling disrespected and treated differently than ow and boom!
I spoke up and said something. He said he will never pass gas in front of me again, I told him that was not what I was saying. It is all about the process leading up to it. I did make a joke about saying I love you. He laughed (nicely) about it. I heard it four times in a small span of time.