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Newest Member: gia1008 (44614)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tomorrow I meet the OW
togetherwecan
♀ New Member
Member # 40457
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year my husband had an affair. I chose to stay by his side and we have reconciled. During his affair (close to 7 months long) this woman told him several times that she was pregnant and then would 'lose' the baby. However, after he finally ended it for good, she came forward again and said she was pregnant. This time it turned out to be true. He went to appointments with her, discussed baby names, etc all while I was on the back burner. The OW does not have custody of her other children. They were taken away from her two years ago when she was caught cooking meth with them in the home. She was about 4 months along when my husband told her that he wanted custody of the baby. Immediately she told him not to bother because she had found out her due date was wrong and the baby wasn't his. I had tried several times to meet her but she just kept telling my husband that she was not ready to meet me and i didn't feel i could do anything else. Well to put the story in a shortened version, because as other hurt spouses know, we could easily right a book. Anyways, the baby was born back in June. We have gone to the lawyer and requested a DNA test to find out if it is my husbands baby or not. Even though she claims that it is not his child, we felt that it was only right to be sure. Tomorrow we meet at the courthouse to discuss the DNA test and maybe have it done there. I have not met this woman and even though she has not had contact with my husband in months, I am stressed to no end with how tomorrow will go. As much as I need to meet her, to be able to look her in the eye. I fear that i won't be able to. We have discussed the fact that if it is his child, we still feel we could give her a better home than her mother could, but I just worry that I won't be able to, or that them seeing eachother tomorrow would make them have feelings again. ANy advice.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kansas
sadsenior
♀ Member
Member # 25000
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh togetherwecan - What a stressful situation that would be! Maybe you could just pretend all 40,000 plus of us are there with you,cheering you on and supporting you. You look her right in the eye and remember you are the loyal wife and she is the worthless whore. Please keep us updated!

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Seattle
TryingEveryday
♂ New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only o ne f the 40, 000, but I'm with you. Wow - how strong you must be. I don't know if I could do what you intend to do. I mean, both the meeting and the possibility of raising the child. You are remarkable. Dont let her, or anyone make you forget that.


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are a remarkably forgiving person! I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow!
Hope all goes well.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Markone
♂ Member
Member # 30291
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if there is ANY justice in the world, it will go well. You are the saint here - FWS and OW should be the ones finding it hard to look you in the eye on this topic.


DD 11/28/10
Me (BH)
Her (WS)
Separated and filed (7/13)

Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2010
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) Just remember, you have a band of brothers and sisters walking in with you tomorrow.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4692 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
TryingEveryday
♂ New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only one f the 40, 000 ( thanks SS), but I'm with you. Wow - how strong you must be. I don't know if I could do what you intend to do. I mean, both the meeting and the possibility of raising the child. You are remarkable. Dont let her, or anyone make you forget that.


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((togetherwecan)))

Just another one of the 40,00 here to wish you strength, courage, and resilience tomorrow. I agree that you are one remarkable woman. Hang in there! Let us know how it goes...


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 650 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Supporting you all the way, togetherwecan!!


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
togetherwecan
♀ New Member
Member # 40457
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE;
Well, I made myself all up this morning and with the help of all of you I walked in there strong. AND, she didn't even bother to show. We waited 15 minutes after it as suppose to start and the judge just went ahead and ordered the DNA testing without her, so she will be served again, then have 5 days to respond, then have 10 days to complete the test after that....so it's going to be dragged out for another month at least before the results. My husband and I are just ready for this to be over. Im not sure how I feel about her not showing up. In one way, its better for us because if we do have to go to court for custody at least this looks better on us, and on the other side if this isn't his child I will never meet the OW, which I am unsure if that is good or bad. I'm so mixed full of emotions.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kansas
sadsenior
♀ Member
Member # 25000
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As everyone else has said you are truly remarkable. Hang in there. :)

Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Seattle
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For your sake I hope the baby is not his. For the baby's sake maybe it might be good. Even if the worst comes true, you may just be the Godsend in someone's life. I wish you strength.

Posts: 616 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 12

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